The melancholy melody that resonates
throughout every numbed neuron.
"Memories feel like weapons."
like anchors weighing down any sense of rationality
Like a drug warping the surroundings of my desolate reality
I cling to my arsenal for dear life
I reside in these recollections where I knew I was loved
Where I was cared about
Was valued
was seen.
Instead of the soul crushing uncertainty I reside in now
Where I get thrown back into frigid winds after finding
any semblance of warmth
Where loneliness still creeps in with company
when you have to question motivations
of every single action
but the memories are so enticing
Because all these questions are instantly answered
with the ghost of a smile
the remembrance of a gaze
of arms wrapped around in a tender embrace
and reassuring words.
But reminiscing quickly turns deadly
as the grief that soon follows swallows me whole
"Memories feel like weapons"

I miss our first days sometimes
and like to reminisce at night
There are times when I'm lucky and
I can convince him to retell our stories to me
after we turn out the lights.
It always helps me to fall asleep;
When he recounts our memories.
I would love to lay together and hear him describe things to me
but he doesn't like to lately

Oh how beautiful you've gotten, you're aging like wine
Just how long ago was it when your beauty couldn't be defined?
How your brown eyes match you're wavy hair
How you send me shivers with that direct stare

How could a person exist who makes me want to hold them tight
To be a better man and to only do to them right
Somebody I adore, cherish and would defend in a fight
Somebody I see as the rarest gem, glistening like sunlight

How your smile is bright and reminds me of greater days
When you would still call me and always know what to say
When we'd spend nights and days reminiscing on memories yet to be made
Too soon was it when we snapped back to reality and the ugliest price was paid

How I am longing, to feel your hand on mine
How I am yearning to smell your cooking and hear your chimes
Your singing voice enthralls me, so deep yet so soothing
When you said that you loved me it sent me soaring

Alas. It's naïve to long for that long passed
A love a year too old, turned into remnant, to ash
Odd reminders follow me, as I take old poetry out from the trash
I pray for your safest returns, for a good live and to never have it Harsh

Would your kiss melt me or send me straight to Grace?
How could I want this badly to hold somebody's face
How would our kids have looked had we ever made it farther than the starting line?
Would your heart still be burning if we weren't divided by contour lines?