I want what i knew
What has past
Gone like the food that left a stain
Memory
My body wears every
Second, still
I forget
Not because i want to
Despite my desperation
My memories move
On my mind
Walks through the lives
Like seasons past
You still there?

again,
i gave myself
how to repay myself?

i change pulse by the second,
mimicking sheer joy
while my mime sinks deeper

i speak,
but feel foreign—
each word rehearsed
to match this cosmic language

these people are aliens—
i would never, in my life,
even dare to shake their hand
for i know they will clench it
tight, turning my hand pale

and drag me to their spaceship,
full of brainless aliens
who fry their minds gently
to laugh at the same dead jokes—
all just to belong,
to keep their fragile synergy

"come on, it'll be fun"
but "fun" must be mistranslated

i nod,
and go,
and lose myself once more

Did you love me?
Or was it just my laughter at your jokes—
my habit of giggling, even at your half-shady pokes?

Did you love me?
Or did I just have the time?
Did you think, “Yeah, she’s not half bad. This could be just fine.”

Did you love me?
Or were you just scared—
tired of doing life alone, craving a body that cared?

Was it real for you? Or just another game?
Was I a plot point in your story
because the chapters had gotten tame?

These thoughts still haunt me—
and the truth I’ll never know.
Mostly because I’d never ask—
and I wouldn't survive you saying “no.”

I've watered this garden for ages
Yet nothing ever grows
I've consulted botanical mages
They haven't the time for my trivial woes

I've pruned with bloodied fingertips-
Soil so stubborn, refusing to shift
I've given every pamphlet a flip
Still no signs of a horticultural gift

If you're so selfless,
Why does it bother you no one notices?

I hold up a mirror and
reveal what you are
   and you lash out at me
It is your reflection not mine

    --- Magi