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Mariah 9h
My younger self would
love that I watch the movies
she did too, back then.
Twilight on rainy days, unashamed.
again,
i gave myself
how to repay myself?

i change pulse by the second,
mimicking sheer joy
while my mime sinks deeper

i speak,
but feel foreign—
each word rehearsed
to match this cosmic language

these people are aliens—
i would never, in my life,
even dare to shake their hand
for i know they will clench it
tight, turning my hand pale

and drag me to their spaceship,
full of brainless aliens
who fry their minds gently
to laugh at the same dead jokes—
all just to belong,
to keep their fragile synergy

"come on, it'll be fun"
but "fun" must be mistranslated

i nod,
and go,
and lose myself once more
i don't like the absurdity of clubbing, but some of my closest friends keep inviting me. i feel like i won't be able to maintain a healthy relationship with them if we bond over alcohol and drugs, instead of boardgames and walks like we used to.
Never did I not love you,
I want to make that clear.
It’s what you were doing to my mind that made me run in fear.
And I know you’re probably laughing at these feelings I feel,
you did that to the last one but maybe her feelings were real.
It doesn’t matter, really, because it doesn’t change
the way that we are-
our whole dynamic, I rearranged.
I just can’t help thinking if I’d learned to shut up,
felt my feelings in silence and not easily gave up,
would things be different?
Had I not said what I said,
and then instead of apologizing, I laid stubborn in my bed,
I don’t know why I led with shame, and I don’t know why
you didn’t let me take blame, because I did ruin it, that’s a pure fact.
Unless you actually wanted to run too, and you just never mentioned that.
But no, I never didn’t love you;
in fact, I loved you so much.
But that doesn’t matter anymore, and I wish these thoughts would hush.
With a mouth full of peanutbutter could I finally shut the **** up?
If it's stuck to the roof of my mouth could I think before I speak-
Taking the time to read the room before I destroy it all?
Kalliope May 27
Did you love me?
Or was it just my laughter at your jokes—
my habit of giggling, even at your half-shady pokes?

Did you love me?
Or did I just have the time?
Did you think, “Yeah, she’s not half bad. This could be just fine.”

Did you love me?
Or were you just scared—
tired of doing life alone, craving a body that cared?

Was it real for you? Or just another game?
Was I a plot point in your story
because the chapters had gotten tame?

These thoughts still haunt me—
and the truth I’ll never know.
Mostly because I’d never ask—
and I wouldn't survive you saying “no.”
Some flowers bloom but never grow,
Their roots too shy to let you know.
Your lunar petals, pale and bright,
Still haunt my garden every night
Kalliope May 26
I've watered this garden for ages
Yet nothing ever grows
I've consulted botanical mages
They haven't the time for my trivial woes

I've pruned with bloodied fingertips-
Soil so stubborn, refusing to shift
I've given every pamphlet a flip
Still no signs of a horticultural gift
At the very bottom seam
of my very favorite watering can
is a rusted hole
Kalliope May 25
If you're so selfless,
Why does it bother you no one notices?
2 am
Kalliope May 22
All my time spent
yearning for the shore,
just to crave the ocean
once my hair dried.
If I can't make time to drown,
I guess drowning it out will have to do.
Magi Candelaria Sep 2024
I hold up a mirror and
reveal what you are
   and you lash out at me
It is your reflection not mine

    --- Magi
David J May 2024
In the crooked hallways of my mind
I lean my head to look down at my past
I don't know what I aim to find
Yet, sit at the mirror and reel out my cast

Shelves of sorrow, and records of glee
Though, unsure which I came to see
I peruse and I browse, these times now gone
reflecting, like the moon with light of dawn
But this too shall come past
As life for me now can move so fast
At the end of the day all I can do is reflect
And hope I will learn to give time some respect
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