Eyes open icy sharp
Mind pillowy calm
So much clarity

This is what waking feels like

Easy and unencumbered
My chest, like my mind
So much space

This is what breathing feels like

Stretching out fearless
Today’s thoughts are safe
So much room

This is what thinking feels like

Short step to outside
Light breeze, soft rain
So much beauty

This is what living feels like

Chemically assisted recovery
A sturdy, temporary scaffold
While I renovate
my favourite mental fixer upper

I can breathe again,
A weight lifted from my chest,
Colors brighter,
Sounds clearer,
My mind, no longer at war with itself.

I can live again,
Fully present,
Not just existing,
But thriving,
One breath at a time.

I can cry again,
Tears of sadness and joy,
Releasing old pain,
Healing my heart.

I can rest again,
My mind at peace,
Trusting my instincts,
My body free from tension.

I can hope again,
For a brighter future,
A new beginning,
A life filled with joy and contentment.

I can trust again,
Myself, my thoughts,
My emotions,
My instincts,
My heart.

I can forgive again,
Releasing the weight of grudges,
Finding peace within,
No longer burdened by anger or resentment.

I can grow stronger again,
Embracing challenges,
Learning from mistakes,
Building resilience and confidence.

I can celebrate myself again,
Recognizing my worth,
Acknowledging my progress,
And feeling proud of who I am.

I did the dishes today, feeling a sense of accomplishment that washed over me as the plates and cups sparkled clean. It reminded me of the simple joys of life. I haven't been able to do such tasks in a while, my mental state was in a constant battle, yet today something was different a glimmer of happiness in the midst of my storm. I smiled knowing that even in the darkest days there was still hope and maybe even a chance of change. With a new sound sense of energy I moved on to the laundry the clanging of the machines was almost like music to my ears each piece of clothing no matter how stained held new potential in my eyes. I felt the weight of the past slowly lifting off of me. One chore at a time I was rebuilding my life, one step at a time a new chapter was a new beginning. As I put the last piece of clean laundry away I couldn't help but smile today I took care of myself as the sentence the clean clothes hung in the air, the memories that once haunted me were replaced with the simple joy of taking care of myself. With a sense of contentment I took a deep breath, and just for a moment I close my eyes and imagined with the future could hold and then I looked around amazed at how much I had accomplished and felt a hope I hadn't felt in a long time I did it I whispered to myself

i. descent

three years of
trial and tribulation

three years of
self-pity
and regret

i kept asking:
is there something
wrong with me?

am i my own
worst enemy?

am i my own
biggest threat?

three years ago,
i thought
i lost it all

a fall from grace
that put me
to the test.

ii. decision

i had
two options:



fail


or


try my best


to not be
a part of
the problem

to let the past
be the past

and
lay it all
to rest.

iii. healing

as the years
went by,

i learned
to break free

i learned
to forgive my
past

so the bad dreams
could finally
drift away

and i
can finally

be at peace,

at last.

The stars didn’t align like how I thought they would.
I used to sit on my stoop late at night
Gazing up at the stars and begging for the universe to take me.
Fill my lungs with stardust instead and let me go to the home
My heart never ceased aching for.
I equated their twinkling to laughter,
I imagined them trading bets on how long they could wait
Until I took matters into my own hands.
How many times I would fail until one of them took pity on me.
Shooting stars like shooting dice and passing satellites
Like the scrolling KENO screen at the celestial casino.

I shouldn’t have survived those nights.
I was their underdog racehorse beating the odds again and again and again.

I felt the universe looking down gently upon me,
Pulling out an ancient coin in their heavenly hands
To finally flip and decide once and for all if I shall stay or go.
And as the coin flipped, my world imploded.
Wrapped in a cosmic blanket I stood face to face with the sun.
Bright, warm rays enveloped me, a light more beautiful than I’d ever known before.
He said to me “it hurts to become” and I knew what he meant but
I wanted to be as powerful, proud, and warm as him.
The coin landed.
And courageously,
I became.

i was lost,
battered,
bruised—

lost in
a cyclical
spiral,

a downfall
i told myself

i wouldn’t go
through again.

life was on
autopilot,

and i did
all i can

to weather
this storm.

i was struggling
to see the other
side,

then you
came in
my life,

picked up
the pieces,
and

helped
a broken heart

mend and
repair,

so i could
cross over

and finally
see the light.

because of
you,

i believe
in love again.

because of you,

i’m learning
to be a better
person,

so i can
fight for another
day,

just so i

can be with you
for the rest
of my life.

i once was
lost in myself,
but now i’m home.

life is better
when i spend
every waking

moment with
you.

Passion drives poetry
Aligning my imagery

With truths deep inside of me
I’ve longed to break free

From suffering and hate
From chucking dinner plates

I reflect sipping nectar
Seeing how I got better

Feeling all I’ve conquered
All I have sobered

Now I glow, illuminate
Engrained in this trait

Growing never knowing
Destinations all fake