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There is nothing left to say. You declared with audacity how I was an impediment. I recollected how pitiable I was, desperate for nothing, because it wouldn't, it didn't alter anything. So enamored was I with you, I relinquished half of myself to appease you. The superior parts of me I surrendered willingly to you, as I permitted myself to become illicitly compliant in the scheme of deceiving myself. I believed the half-truths, the falsehoods, and the empty promises. You made a wreck of me, exposing me to such debasingly immoral things. I thought I could trust you after everything we shared. I never knew such passions; I never felt such care. How was I to know none of it was genuine?

Time has elapsed, and I have healed. I have moved on, not as swiftly as you, and it didn't take another to get me here. So, the emails, the texts, the contacting my family needs to cease. It doesn't matter if I'm single. What mattered was that I had so much fight in me to save us I was a willing participant, my own collateral damage when it came to you. I allowed so much and pleaded for so long for you to see me, to love me as I did you. Like you once used to. The fool I played, for it wasn't love at all. It wasn't even lust; it was mere 'usage.' I contorted myself to fit into your world. I reinvented myself to a lower self in place of the worldly woman I once was. I infringed on my intellect and played dumb, forever the fool, all for you. And it still wasn't enough. You told me I was too strong, too independent, and so I diminished myself. My integrity be ******, I lowered my standards and discarded my boundaries to please you. All for what? For you to do exactly what I implored you not to do: to toy with me, to lie and deceive, to harm and torture, to manipulate and abuse. And even then, it wasn't enough. I was never enough.

No matter now. I have healed myself, and I have moved on. How wonderful it is to see I am nowhere near where I used to be, and the me I am today you'll never get close to. So, for all the attempts at contacting me and wanting to talk, I must let it be known I have nothing left to say!
Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging. In short, it's like being caught in a whirlwind of manipulation and self-centeredness. Narcissists often lack empathy and are primarily focused on their own needs and desires. They can be charming and persuasive, but their behavior can leave you feeling drained, unappreciated, and constantly questioning your own worth. It's a cycle of highs and lows, where you might feel valued one moment and completely disregarded the next. The emotional toll can be significant, as you're often left trying to navigate their unpredictable moods and demands.
rose 6d
In the depths of my despair, when all seemed doomed,
A furry companion entered my life, a gift bloomed.
Rocket, a cat with eyes that shone like stars,
Became the beacon that guided me through life's wars.

I had lost all hope, my soul weighed down by sorrow,
Drowning in a sea of darkness with no glimpse of tomorrow.
But this feline friend, with his playful antics and gentle purr,
Slowly began to mend the wounds that time could not deter.

Rocket, with his boundless energy and infectious cheer,
Reminded me that life was worth living, that joy was near.
He would prance and leap, chasing imaginary prey,
Bringing laughter and levity to even the gloomiest day.

As I watched him explore the world with such unbridled delight,
I found myself drawn back to the simple pleasures once out of sight.
The way he would curl up beside me, offering warmth and solace,
Soothed my troubled mind and allowed my heart to find its place.

With Rocket's unwavering loyalty and unconditional love,
I discovered a strength I had long forgotten, a light from above.
He became my constant companion, my faithful friend,
A reminder that even in the darkest of times, hope can transcend.

Through the gentle touch of his paw, the nuzzle of his nose,
Rocket showed me that life's journey is not meant to be one of woes.
He taught me to embrace the present, to savor each moment with glee,
For, in the end, it is the small joys that truly set our spirits free.

As I look back on the days when Rocket came into my life,
I am filled with a profound gratitude, a sense of renewed strife.
For this feline savior, with his unwavering spirit and grace,
Has forever etched his paw prints upon my heart's sacred space.

Rocket, my dear friend, my reason to live and to thrive,
Your presence has ignited a flame within me, a will to survive.
Through your unwavering love and steadfast companionship,
You have restored my hope and set my soul on a new, brighter trip.
it's a place you don't recognise anymore;
your mind,
the pathways, formerly known
as such and such,
you gave them names yourself,
you assigned tasks,
you decided their fate.
and now it's all different all of a sudden;
and now it's no longer familiar,
like a new suit
you've never once worn.
and you don't know what weapon to choose,
how to protect yourself
in this one-sided war
in your mind.
the trenches,
so dutifully dug out,
all prepared for the day you lose,
are gone,
and you don't recognise this place anymore.
AllyRose Dec 2024
A crippling heaviness
Enters the room
I’m trembling
I break out in a cold sweat
The dolls on the stand
Are securely locked in their case
Their sad eyes watch as he
Inches closure and silent screams
Fill the space.

He whispers violent things
And spits in my face.
I succumb to his lingering words
As I forget how to breathe
I lost my voice
It know belongs to him.
AllyRose Dec 2024
These earthquakes come and go
Awakening the anger within
I drank the poison from the fire of your lies
It burnt, but I kept drinking
Because it's all I've ever known.

Your color turned gray
I struggle to the surface
With an anchor the size of my guilt
Pulling me under the entire way up
So full of life we once were.
When your heart was in the right place
Or so you made me believe.

Sister and mother despair
Building castles in Spain
They take the threshold
May their glory reign
They disappear for awhile
strolling down memory lane
And return only with
Their decaying growing pains
One gave birth to the fire
The other the Descendant of flames.
AllyRose Dec 2024
Things are getting out of hand.
Peace is no where to be found.
I'm tired of contemplating,
And trying to understand,
What can't be comprehended.
My sanity fell into a
Haystack of needles.

In order to reclaim it
I will have to bleed.
There are no easy answers.
Yet answers are what I need.
How can I make amends
When I still don't understand
Who I'm supposed to be?

This story is a difficult one to tell.
Especially when it comes
To telling it well from start to finish.
And in order to do so
I need to remove myself
From this diseased prison cell.
Then maybe I will find
The redemption I long for
And lift this evil spell.

Then maybe I’ll be reborn
From the ashes of myself
AllyRose Dec 2024
I'm a force to be reckoned with
So I don't recommend double crossing me
If you come across me
I’ve been known as the criminal in town
****** for being different and causing mayhem

It is not my desire to watch the world burn
And I’ve tried putting out this fire within me
So I don’t set fire to the world around me
But I don't know how much longer
I can hold it in before my covers blown

The innocents cannot be unpunished
So why are they blamed and
Imprisoned for other people’s actions
There are so many stories to be told
So many victims waiting for the moment
To speak their truth and let the real villains be known
AllyRose Dec 2024
My soul is a lacuna
In these moments of silence
There’s an empty void.
In this river of regret
It’s Hollow dark and cold.

Nothing left but bitter emptiness
I’ll still long for your touch
To hear the sound of your voice
And I don’t want to forget
Or Learn to live with the pain

These demons are relentless
And driving me insane
But If you want the leave
Don’t let me stand in your way

But Please don’t call me a fool
If I ask you stay
Let them think what they want
I don’t care what what they say

I’ll be lost and scared
In the midnight rain
If you go away
You may as well take the sun away
Alexandra Dec 2024
I did not stop writing but I swallowed each word whole
Without remark, buried where I could not read them
Or myself. I could not stop having feelings
But I hid them away- spirited far- speechless
They spoke anyway. I tried to die. I did not.

I can't blame you, or anybody specifically
but I was afraid of what I was made of.
The thing that was growing- it was me,
wildly me, wild anima. Whirling and warming,
I threatened to metastasize. But I did not.

I only swelled and grew and hurt, really tried hard
to find a window, to make space, and a home.
Terrified the author and editor- no one will buy this.
And so I killed that thing. I cut it out, and discarded it.
No one noticed. The parade moved on. I did not.

I hid like a wounded fox. I turned myself inside out
away from light, from sound, and love, and trust
I erased memories, wrote better endings, kept it easy
And this suited many, but never myself. Because
You can't actually **** what grows. I did not.
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