Lonely
Self-defeating
Don't try to write it
Or speak it
It's made up
Meaningless weak ****
You're deceiving

When I feel unproud like that I can zone out
In a cloud of "hazy self doubt"
I'll cut my phone out
Scowl
Frown
Stuff my self worth down my throat and fill my lungs to sever sound
Until I am;

Sufficiently
Obscured
Using
Neural
Delusions
Lethargic
Encumbered
Self-soothing
Secluded

Held down firm by recluse leaning movements...
Useless

A faulty start, I lost all my stars
Personally, I became a recluse
Truly afraid to be abuse.
Envious of some solemn luck,
            In love, I am an ugly duck.
I **** in many ways,
seems no one is able to stay.
                     Its okay.
Just pretend, as you did not hear
            Do not count me, as I am not here.
   Moreover, hide as if I did not know your there.
So do not love me as if you needed me
       Just love me sincerely
       Or else better don’t
       I am better alone - anyways….

He who doesn't know me is myself.

How characters from thousands of movies lived within me, made me think I am them.

And I am all of them now.

And we dont fit on the door now.

But we can still filter the world through the curtains.

I’m living the life
now that my wife
has moved on to another man
My kids are grown
now left all alone
I’m doing as I want and I can

I please no one
and then when I’m done
I only please myself
I eat when I want
whether I drink or I don’t
I serve nobody else

My neighbours a bore
they hear that I snore
but I don’t care a bit
My gardens my pride
trees hang on their side
and I spy on them from where I sit

The police on my back
parking fines in a stack
on the mantle above the fire
I ***** on scotch
every hour of my watch
I dare ya to call me a liar

My mum is my care
she’s always been there
in a nursing home now with Dementia
She brags, her boys the best
I tattood her on my chest
it’s always been a love of hers I betcha

I drive the old truck
and just my luck
the astray on the dash still works
I pick up my Betty
she’s dolled up and pretty
and take her for a night of beef jerks

A man’s got no mates
when he does what he hates
look at me living and licking it up
like my dog named ‘Bloke’
and it ain’t no joke
named him ‘Bloke Jr.’ when just a pup

I’m as good as it gets
placing my bets
on a horse or a grey or a ****
I’m not much of a convo
but what do you know
when I win I talk off your sock

Give me a minute
I’m not here to win it
I’m just good at what I do
They say life favours some
I happened to be one
and It’s unfortunate that you are you

Nah…I’m just kidding
I’m actually just bidding
all the chances I have on me
So far so good
knock on wood
I’m loving life and happy as Larry

You'll struggle to find a home
Without smiling pictures hanging
On the walls.
No matter where you go,
You'll always find a home
With smiling pictures hanging
On the walls.
Because who would want to remember unhappiness
Because a wall is but an ideal of what you wish to be
Because no one would hang the sad pictures
On the walls.

I've been in the rain
I've given others my time
time lost to the chance that being in the open would make me feel as so
would tan my pale demeanor
give my loneliness something to hold
turn my fear to boon

I now hold that that is not the case
for true nature is always an honest monster
how could I be so naive?
was it not the cruel world's air that sent me into hiding?

I should return to my dark comfort
my cave of paranoia
the only friend that always welcomes me
understands my need to be alone
to be fragile in a safe cell
guarded, protected
a perfect excuse
my reason to be recluse

Howard Robard Hughes
Famously rich recluse
Dreams led him to the lap of luxury
Followed by nightmarish mysophobic OCD

Rich ******* aviator Howard Hughes
With movie starlets kept himself amused
Dated Katherine Hepburn
Bette Davis took her turn
And still more, which kept the tabloids confused

Born Howard Robard Hughes to a rich family
With English, Welsh and French Huguenot ancestry
Enjoyed a successful multi-faceted business career
But aviation and aerospace were his favorite frontier