I am a God
Conceit and ego aside,
I would like to announce to all that doubt
That I am a God
My bones are rubble
Debris floats around me
I mock reality
Lick my lips
Salt my tongue
Devour the sun
I am a God
Contorting my pain
Into something tangible
Remove my skin
(A muddy coat)
I’m a feline I scratch.

When I go home and you’re not there
The days won’t start the same
The familiar smell of rain
Makes it unfair
Your life was intertwined with mine
Yet I am cursed to remain
And go on much the same
In your absence
I can’t bear citrus
The garage frightens me
Walking is marred.
Why bother with this, I am mourning a death that has not arrived
But still, pain contorts me
Puppeteering
A grateful final act –
Time is on its side
Make use of night, do not mourn
Thanks to the now and the then
Discourage the future
Close your arms.

This is a game
To see who laughs first while we stare at each other.
It’s just a joke, you used to do it with your other friends.
I can’t look at you without smiling, so its obvious I will lose but I
Play because you look at only me for a few seconds and we
Share that, and I crave it.
It’s inevitable that I lose
But I didn’t think that meant losing you too
Sometimes, I still stare.

guys I made a book!
https://au.blurb.com/b/11021892-cherry-whine

A year since his death and I’m fine.
I don’t mind formalities but
Being backed into corners by crazy family is more than I can handle.
    Your aura has changed!
    It’s blue, know what that means?
    Oh, of course not.
    I never saw you as a writer but
    Psychology is a well-fitting hat.
    Are you happy? You look sad,
    Whys that?
I’d be happy without this conversation.
There’s no cold water left.
I wake up and everyone is still here.
The house is anxious
The dog screams
I say these things, but I know I am fine.

I don't think I've had a single original experience.
I can't seem to finish a book anymore
I get halfway through one before I start another.
I think my friends can't stand me.
Work terrifies me.
I can’t handle damage to my confidence
Though it is already dangerously low.
I live for weekends but struggle to leave my room to actually live.
It’s reassuring to know that I’m just the same as most others
No one likes their job or even reads at all.
Maybe my friends don’t hate me and I’m wrong.
I always wonder
What my reflection looks like to others
Since I struggle to see beyond the blur.

Tomorrow I will wake just like today and
Think of what I feared most
Having now become more than
Nightmare or dream
It is in my hands or
Perhaps on my back
I’m a feline I scratch
I want it off
Marring me
Far more than mere skin
My spirit is *****
I want to wash it
Seeing black run down my legs
And hair frizz like a day so familiarly faded,
Yesterday, I yearned.