I am finally giving up--
on the thought that I am not good enough,
because I fought an arduous battle
to keep the real me intact.

I am done with everything--
that dragged me lower than I already am,
I must keep on going up despite these
rocks that burden my climb.

I am finished living--
in fear of what the ends will be,
because I will start moving forward
and greet the uncertainty with glee.

I am through with saying I can do it--
and start acting upon it.

My friend burns slow
I put her to my lips and draw
then exhale smoke
The tar stains my teeth and lungs.
I enjoy her presence because she makes me feel young.

That first inhale
is like every small joy
wrapped into one neat package,
assembled in a nice, red box
meant just for you.

Flick, flick,
go the ashes,
the end burning brightly
like a firefly on a dim Southern night.

When my lighter blazes
beneath the light drizzle of tonight,
I'm reminded that life
can be so delightfully decadent,
so enchantingly effervescent.

The good times
are made all the sweeter
And the bad times -
the car trouble,
the failures,
and the lost hopes -
lose their edge,
and take on a shape as soft as smoke,
subject to float away with time,
leaving only a sharp smell behind.

I’ve been told many things over the years,
But the one that hurt the most is
“Quit being yourself”
I’ve been told that so many times,
And each time,
I break a little bit more.
My personality is “too strong”
My looks “too boyish”
My thoughts “too sad”
It hurt that people would say that,
When I am constantly told
“Don’t let anyone change you”
But why should I stay the same
When no one likes me?
Nobody talks to me because I'm “intimidating”
Nobody looks at me because I look “depressed”
Nobody cares about me because I’m “too much”
Why can’t I be myself without the judgement I face?
Why can’t I,
Just be what everyone wants?

I float in the center of confusion and paranoia,
These days, all I can do is ponder in traps of thought,
These thoughts race and beat me to the finishing ribbon,
I inhale with a treacherous risk of it being my last,
I must part from you,
You hold dear to my heart, but my heart can't succumb to your cancer,
It's killing me inside to know you're always around,
Just give me a few days with my feet on the ground,
Soon, we will fly high together again,
But today, I must knot this leash to the leveled Earth,
It's just not the same anymore,
I can't be alone with your envious smile,
You take me to places I do not wish to follow,
My hopes and dreams are fading away with your evaporating smoke,
You tell me to sore through the clouds, but I stay grounded to this planet by my morals,
What used to feel right, now feels so wrong,
Down seems to be up and life is surely turning over,
You're pulling me into the surface like a gel conforming to its surrounding plane,
It is my fault for loosening the grip,
You're gone now,
I have given up on you,
I've left town, but I'll return when it is convinient,
Just keep flying high like you do and I will meet you at the podium,
This is a race,
But, last place finishes first,
Be safe,
Be smart,
Don't fly too high...

I can stop thinking about it
I can detach myself so quick
But as soon as my head hits the pillow
I’m anxious, I’m sad, I quit.

"I quit."

The times I uttered these words
Were the times I doubted
Anything that happened,
And everything that could happen.

I quit.

I quit trying to lead a life
Where I feel insignificant,
Almost as if unwanted,
And endless thoughts of how to end this.

I quit.
I want to end this.
Make it stop.
I quit.

--lovers--



       We were
              two steps      
                  shy of love,          
                    first was that              
                                  I gave up                            
                            and the second:                        
                                    you made me            
                                                          stop. ­           


                                                              ­  --strangers--