Loving someone else more than you do yourself.

A romanticized ideal,
but a so very scary one.

How can one love so much?
I still do not understand.

Is it beautiful or foolish?
I have yet to decide.

Maybe because I have not met the one yet,
or because it is all a myth.

I guess only time can answer my questions.

What is this curse I bear...
To always be aware of my doings,
But never knowing why?

I am a lost ship with no rudder or flares,
I am a roaming car with no wheel,
I am a scout with no compass...

I am,
a soul,
a heart,
a mind,

with no truth
no light
nigh even a tenuous sky...

when I lay these eyes upon where the stars would be,
Mindnumbing shudders grapple my limbs and slay me forth against the walls I'd built but only to keep my heart safe,
mindrunning awild as I can only see behind me.
Time, rushing away from these brittle bones.
I,
have no idea

is there hope
for a future
that was only dreamed of

Write it down
10 times then
Erase it again
My mind is
Racing again
Emotions
raging again

My eraser is gone
Before I even
sharpen the pencil
another line I delete
And I sigh in defeat
I hate what I write
I can't stick to beat
I swear that I can
Rhyme mean
If only I could pick a
Rhyme sceme

How is it that I still feel heartbreak after nearly 3 years.

How is it that I still have a you shaped hole in my heart

How is it that I cant even speak your name without it tearing that hole in my chest open again

How is it that no matter how hard I try I always end up crying about you when I am drunk

How is it that I can’t even go to our old favourite places because I have a panic attack at all the thoughts and feelings that come rushing back to me

How is it that I have lost all my friends from when we were together because I feel the emptiness of you not there with us, with me

How is it that I can’t even smile the same way as I used to because my smile was your favourite thing and thats all I think about

How is it that I can’t love another like I loved you

How is it that I can’t let you go no matter how hard I try

How is it that even though you destroyed me I would do anything to have you back in my life

Who are we but walking husks shaped by our experiences?
Can we hold others accountable for our actions?
Should we blame our parents and friends for our own decisions?
Do we have any free will?
What is free will?
Do we have hereditary inclinations?
Will we always make the same decision even if we went backward in time?

Sometimes, the only thing you can do to be a better person in surround yourself with better people.