I’m definitely Matrixed in,
feel like every girlfriend is a program,
feel like every experience is a dream,
feel like I don’t feel anything at all now,

maybe I’m a machine,
maybe I’m not a human being,
maybe I’m more cyborg than Sapien,
maybe I’m more electron than neuron,

and maybe none of this matters,

maybe we’re cogs in the vehicle,
maybe we’re abnormal cyborgs,
more flamboyant than incog,
more insignificant and important,

and maybe I’m special,
and maybe I do stand out more than most,
but at the end of the day I don’t think it matters,
because when it’s all said and done everything is just dust,

no justice,
it’s justice,
feeling a bit awkward and bazaar,
suspecting that they spiked the fruit punch,

and I don’t know for sure that none of this is real,
but I do have a pretty strong hunch,

want fresh squeezed not pre-made,
want a spontaneous feeling not an automated response,
want to stay here with you for as long as I can,
but I think that might be impossible because I’m probably already gone,

so please say something real or say nothing at all,
constantly trying to find ways to reaffirm our existence,
that’s why I still go out socialize and initiate relationships,
even though every time I do it all feels sterile cliche and pre-rehearsed,  

but maybe that’s because we’re living in a Matrix,

I’m definitely Matrixed in,
feel like every girlfriend is a program,
feel like every experience is a dream,
feel like I don’t feel anything at all now…

∆ LaLux ∆

You got me feeling all sorts of things.
Emotions I struggle to identify.
Loving you seems foolish because you are not here with me.
It seems impossible because I don't see you.
So I wonder how I fell so hard for you when all I have are memories and pictures.

It could be your heart. Your gentleness with slight roughness on the edges. Mystery. Secrets that run deep. You intrigue me.

I wish to see you as I please, to speak with you while getting lost in your beautiful eyes, adorable eyes that captured my heart.

Sometimes it's a bit much... I get frustrated, I have tons of questions and lingering insecurities. I'd wonder if these feelings I have for you are enough...Is there more I should do?

Love is a difficult thing. A sweet task filled with many hurdles. It's painful yet laced with possibility and unspoken strength.
Still, I say, years later, what I feel for you is new to me.

It's like a beating pulse that has my mind thinking of you every minute. Active and alive,   and refusing to subside.

I have so many things I want to share with you, see with you and experience with you. Maybe I want more than you can offer.
Expectations can destroy a beautiful thing...but my heart won't nudge. You are mine.

Quiet, still, afraid and alone,
I cried out, “Who will hold my hand?”
I felt a voice I had not known
Say, “I will.”

Paralyzed and drowning in fear,
I cried out, “Who will hold me close?”
I felt embraced by a voice near
Say, “I will.”

When loneliness felt close to death,
I cried out, “Who will kiss my lips?”
I felt a voice with tender breath
Say, “I will.”

Hopelessly desperate, no control,
I cried out, “Who will be my love?”
I felt a voice that touched my soul
Say, “I will.”

Her voice I felt set my love free,
I cried out, “Who will love you back?”
I felt my voice outside of me
Say, “I will.”

I should be out of tears by now
have cultivated the strength of a warrior

I wish I knew why I keep waking up
in the morning
                           (despite the night)

again, again, again

Who am I
Who am I supposed to be?
Is it fame and fortune I seek? Or a life of simplicity?
Attention turns to disease
but my soul wishes to preach, to speak this sermon
Am I weak?
Afraid to grab hold of my dreams? Simply of fear?
The thought draws tears.

I never thought I was going down the wrong path
I desire to feed my brain but can I do the math?
Now I feel trapped
by the choices I've made

Am I an a cage?
Or is it just a maze?

will you be my to the moon and back?
will we ever be right on track?
will you be my all time high?
will you give me your chicken thigh?
will you be my christmas morning?
will I ever be your favourite being?
will you fancy to sit down for a cup of tea?
will we ever be a possibility?

will fate let you?

will fate?
will you?

will you be my someone new?

/pc

Asking a question does more than fill open space.
It expresses curiosity.
Devolving into things not easily expressed.
Given our availability.
It expresses a deeper need for connection.
Whether we are open to what we desire most.
Closed off to preference.
 The right time of day or night we can de-clutter.
Taking in what we give out.
Asking a question isn't something done out of boredom.
Or merely because your there.
It expresses a thought that requires action.
That I've thought of you.
That there is a desire laid bare.
An anticipation that builds until the next time
I am able to hear your voice.
For the more serious moments require a deeper tone.
An ear that senses deeper need.
Responding to this deep need of connection.
A need of care.
A need of longing.
To respond to this vulnerability not out of responsibility.
But in the openness of being