It's silent
screams of delight.
It's hidden
blushes behind a hair swipe;

It's wanting
to always get it right.
It's having
not to think twice.

Loving you

It's like a test -
It's like
the breath
before you roll the dice;

Why can't I even
think of you
without my chest
getting tight?

Loving you is pressure.

Will my love even suffice?

Head is pounding
Palms are sweating
My face burns hot
My alarm is sounding
You say, one thing at a time
I say, I'm fine.

All the planets surround the Sun
But what happens when that system starts to break
When the stable circling cannot withstand
Suddenly things aren't so fun
You say, it'll fall in line
I say, I'm fine

Sound structures start crumbling
The tiny splits in the ground,
Turn to unfixable gashes
All the insides come tumbling
You say, it'll improve over time
I say, I'm fine

When the storm has passed
Flimsy bandages cover the wounds
Circles go back to “normal”
You knew it wouldn't last
Yet you say it's a good sign
I say I'm still fine

But what you don't understand
About the inside remains on the ground
Is it's the start of me holding it all in again
That burst wasn't planned
You say it fell back in line
I say, I'm fine

Harsh light still casts shadows,
Some never seen,
But always felt.

Darkness too often is stuck in the sight,
But the deepest I know lives in the light.

My mind has gone blank.
Yet I have so much to do.
A cacophony of voices critiquing  
But those helping are so few.

How could the instructions be any clearer,
Than how they were written down?
How do I get people to realise that
If they don’t stop piling on this ****, I will drown.

Nobody seems to want to talk to each other
Yet they expect me to know it all
With several teachers whose tones want to crucify me
But who’s words say I shouldn’t take the fall.

And it’s not my responsibility
To do this work for you
And really it would get finished a lot faster
If you did some of this too.

And I understand that you have lots of ideas
So, you want to change things constantly.
But do YOU understand that everything you change
Is a few more hours work for me?

I've no time to finish this poem  
Because I have to go complete another task.
So, I’ll leave a copy right here for you
And hope it helps you see through my obvious mask.

A silent look lingers,
Blurred to your angel face.
You tell me you can’t
Handle the stress anymore,
(Don’t you know how hard I’m trying?)
That it’s taking a toll.
(You think I don’t already know?)

A flood of tears held back
By dams behind my eyelids.
The anchor in my throat
Has me screeching to a halt.

You tell me that
Everything I once had, I can
Get it right back,
(Don’t you remember how unhappy I was?)
Because you can’t bear the weight.
(I see how unhappy you are.)

White flags high up;
Toasts from empty cups.
I’d give my life to
Ease your strain.
(Don’t you know how much I’ve prayed?)

I feel it raining,
On a cloudless sunny day,
Flooding only me.

The curse of being the youngest is that
They don’t recognise their own dysfunctionality
How abnormal is their normal
Convinced about the truth
Yet less knowledge means less empathy
Leading to laughing at you for being you
The younguns should look up
Yet they are the highest
Psychological warfare of the ancestors
Why this why that questioning us
While we question the world not them
****** up wisdom is theirs
But we have clear voyance, crystal
I talk to myself because I can hear me
And they can’t. Won’t ever…