As I know, you didn't ask any questions
Besides sending me regards,
But that doesn't mean there are no questions to be asked

Elegantní Lebed

On Vltava waters
I saw a Graceful Swan,
Peaceful and modest
Full of quiet confidence
She looked like a Fawn

I fall in love with her
From thousand miles away,
Frightened of thoughts
My crazy mind created

Swan spread her wings
To save me from darkness
I was one step away from jumping,
She embraced my sadness
And it felt like a heaven
Invited me to her secure haven

She patiently waited
Playing down her strength
Showing me a way to the calmness I crave

Above Vltava flow
In my mind I see
Gorgeous Swan dances
Twosome with Firebird

6.7.2019

Well I was a world away from you when you became a bride
And how could I know I'd love you and call him friend?
I was a different man than you know today, in a different life
I don't know how, I don't know why, and don't know when
I became a father as you took your vows
How did we do life changing things at the same time?
And now that you're both in my life I have no doubt
That I am yours as you are his, as he is hers, and you are mine
You make every sad song go away
You make every love movie about us
And I don't know if I told you today
But this love between the cule has shown me trust
Shown me desire and acceptance
I've waited a lifetime to see
Myself gain repentance
And I was beginning to think it'd be
Little more than a fools dream that I could escape the heat
That my past was my only future
That my own and spirit had my soul beat
But now I see the bigger picture
No matter what I may have done before
I know that I am forever yours

There is no easy Poly feeling
This is not fun for those who stay tonight alone
The heart is aching
Despite of understanding 
The Gratitude I felt is  gone

For those who leave tonight
This may be blissful swinging
An implementing fantasies of youth
Two unicorns are merged into freestyle whirling
Not asking much just making love

(...or, “to Mother”)

When I removed my mask of being straight,

She removed her mask of motherly love.

How could she, seeing 17 year old me, claim to have had no clue?

How could I, seeing 50 year old her, been so intentionally ignorant?

I realized I was definitely
Capable of loving more than one person
As I stood ****** in a bar
Positioned at a table between
My partner and my ex-fiance
My ex and I had gotten food beforehand
My first time seeing them in a year and a half
And I swore to everyone that it wasn't gay
I believed it too for awhile
Up until they said they didn't want kids
Which was part of my own logic used
To explain our incompatibility
Hearing their stories made my heart ache
All of the things I'd missed in their life
All the things they missed in mine
Then that night at the bar
When a performer was called on stage
My ex mentioned that she was my favorite
A small fact I didn't think they'd remember
Yet it carried such a significant feeling
That left my heart heavy and fractured
And when my partner looked at me I felt guilty
They must be able to see it
To sense it
These residual feelings
That I swore were not there and were
Definitely not gay
And while lost in my mind
My ex looked at me and asked if I was ok
They could still see me
I wanted to run away
My mind kept screaming for an escape
And yet I also heard a whispered voice
Reminding me that this time with them
Would be the last quality time I'd have
Before we returned to being strangers
So I shouldn't waste it
Because as much as I crave their friendship
I know in my heart it'd never work
Friends would never be the word
It's always been and
Probably always would be
Something much more than that
So I'll let it go
I'll let myself mourn these feelings
Despite the dreadful pain of it all
Because we all deserve to be happy
And by giving up this ill-fated dream
I know one day I can be

Why do I get jealous?
Jealousy is just an emotion
Emotionally draining that is

I’m not supposed to be jealous
We’re in a poly relationship
So why do I fear you’ll leave

Leave me for her
She doesn’t give you the problems
She gives you happiness

I’m mixed up
I like our relationship
The openness
The communication

I just need to let this go
Let it leave my body
I shouldn’t be jealous

Am I supposed to
Beg you to be happy
in a cage

It feels like we
always have to be
this soup of love
trust
contentment
lust
fear and shame

It makes me tired
I would rather be tired than be without
That thought puts steel in my back
calm in my heart
Anything is better than
nothing
Fear of loss is better than loss itself

But I would like a day
a week
a month
a year without fear
But then that's not life

Life
I am grateful for you
Even when you chase me down
like a hare before hounds
Even when no tree is dense enough
No place safe
quiet enough

At least I am breathing
It has to be enough

Was it worth my life
Those few moments of pure real happiness
Yes
But the reason there was a risk
Seems so stupid to me
Why couldn't you just have
Used your imagination
But you couldn't
And so it is
So it was
Worth it
But I wish it had been different
I wish so much
I want a long and
Healthy life
Full of moments of pure
Happiness
With you
But I am scared now