Lost in feelings like a child who has lost their mother’s hand in a clothing store. What can I cling to as life begins to wear me down? I feel out of place in this room, surrounded by a sea of people who adorn themselves in ways that garner admiration from others. My neck is slick with sweat; my eyes heavy with tears, burdened by the smoke swirling in my chest like a traveller stuck in customs.

The ultimate destination is, of course, my head, where thinking of myself in a future tense is so heavy on my brain. My lips start to tense, speaking of the past with a few old friends – I’ve aged too well, that those grappling with the youthful insecurities I once faced believe we’re age mates.

Still what’s looking for a mate: a joint occupant; though my joints ache a bit too much. A soulmate in the wake of these days, but what good is finding one if you don’t really have a soul. So lost in myself.

we carry our memories like they're a burden,
unspoken, but hopeful that someone, someday
might be brave enough to take a step forward
and share in that weight of invisible pain.
and all that we hold, like a prayer to the broken,
so lonely that silence falls down like a veil,
are hearts, torn and scarred, but bleeding no longer,
in hope that someone might accept them someday.

some of the best things we create
are meant for others to explore.
we grow too fast, we learn too late,
we leave before the curtain call.
and in the end all that we've made
turns into words, engraved in stone.
some of the best things we create
will only matter once we're gone.

i take my heart and put it in the ground,
i feed it ash, and dust, and desperation,
and everything's that still remains untouched
by hurricanes, and fires, and floods, and earthquakes
of what must be a lifetime's worth of heartbreaks;
i wouldn't know, i've already lost count.
i took my heart and put it in the ground.

Loll in a realm of no regards, shuffle the game of life like
a deck of cards — playing into the quest to uncover who
you really are. Each life begins with a question:
“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Will I be a nurturing mother? A father who can provide
for their all,” each life begins with a question – especially now,
as we ponder this curious phenomenon called life; is it still
worth it, at all. Cloaked in whispers of our cherished dreams,
the most fragile among us are those who beam brightly, even
with kinked teeth.

The gentle craving for a richer life is as tender as the insides
of our teeth — revealing everything we risk on the overflowing
platter of those we disdain; initially, it was a pleasure to meet.
Yet, I was lost in my role in this world at first – bestowed a name
at birth, still grappling with its significance in a titled world –
entitled!

Don’t we pretend that’s what we deserve even from man’s great
fall, who inherited their sin galore. I question it all. Don’t we
all act as if we deserve it all, even after humanity’s great fall,
which bestowed us a legacy of sin?

                                I question it all.

Roused from my dreams, I find myself distant from the
images that once danced in my mind. A soft murmur of
dreams beckons, stirring weary eyes with the promise of
a new day’s embrace.  

A laugh escapes, brushed away, trapped within a
fabricated grin— shadows of tears that deepen the skin
already weary from time. Almost revelling in the illusion
that life is a triumphant race; pursuing all the things
I once fled from.  

Standing too close to the fire, of people’s words that
scorn your soul- I remain unafraid of their searing impact;
I have welcomed them all, wrapping myself in the comfort
of understanding that they hold no power over my identity
at all.

I met a girl
On the Highway To Hell.
She looked just like me.
Her skin was porcelain,
Her eyes were sunken deep.
Alibi Alibi...
Why don't you become my alibi?
You look just like me,
You can wear that fake smile better than me.
Take my place,
Let me breathe.
You make me feel safe.
So you can be the perfect girl,
For them, I don't mind.
Even though you are not real love,
As in you are totally fake.
Your laugh is so hollow,
Your lips are blue.
You are hanging to the last thread of life
just like me.
But you can wear that fake smile better
than me.
You saved my life,
You kept me warm.
You took my name,
When it was too heavy to carry my pain.
Alibi Alibi.....
Why have you become my Alibi?
Now I can't throw you off my love.
You are a copycat,
Just give my old self back.
Even though she was sick,
And you were her partner in crime.
Alibi Alibi....
Why did you take my life?
I guess I just wanted to be someone,
But I don't wanna be you.
I don't wanna be you.
You are so miserable,
And so am I.

Questions... After questions... after questions
Is it worth it? am I?
What if I didn't exist? Shall I?
Pain. Why is it endless? Shall I end it?
Flashbacks. Why did I go through that?
Happiness... when? Where? How?
Questions... after questions... after questions
Love. What is it? Where's mine?
Peace... must be death... right?
Fear. Why the constant fear?
Questions, after questions... after questions.