i was born a parasite, an artificial
organism in a petri dish
inseminated and taken out
too early, relying on man made tools
to keep me going, forced
oxygen and nutrients
that made my existence never feel natural.

so being out of place was always expected
when i was over two months behind
from the beginning, the world was too fast
yet only time could catch me up.

i lagged behind groups of people
desperately intruding on conversations
it seems the natural flow of discussion
wasn’t innate to me, neither was
the coordination required for sports
or crafts, nor the patience for academics.

my battle with time has never ended
i wanted to stay in the warm vessel of nothingness
but it seems my twin brother knew better
than to stay in a body that couldn’t handle
the both of us. since then
i have mastered the art of wasting time wrapped up in blankets, wishing
to go back to that state
of complete dependence for just
a bit longer.

growing up going to the synagogue
i learned that religious texts
are like a guidebook to life.
i could never believe in any, so
i only prayed to the missing part of me
the part that belonged, the part that
had what was always missing, i could
only believe that there was a part of me
somewhere to depend on.

if my purpose is to belong somewhere
bigger than me, i can’t lose hope.
in the meantime i’ll pretend i enjoy
the solitude, it’s a half truth
as being nowhere is better
than being somewhere that rejects me.

Never mind… a few more starving civilians that were gunned down to quench their hunger…
A few new gas chambers…
A few more parasite bombs dissecting the flesh of youngsters…
It will all sort itself out soon…

A few less teachers…
A few less writers and reachers…
People that can tell us what life means to us…

Never mind….
It’s too late now to turn this around… At least in the interim…
Soon there might be another intermission…
That’s fine, that will work in my favour… buy me some more time to waver… I can deal with this global assumption that I’m a monster…

I can quieten this down, phase this one out…
I don’t need collective cohesiveness, understanding and education…
I just need a good lawyer, some good half truths, a suit and tie and my foolproof patter…

dear host!
i’ve never felt so close!
you have opened up your arms to me
because you never said no
now i’m not afraid to take up space
now i’m free to inhabit you
now it will be sinful of other organs
to invade.

oh host!
i have been here once before
for your body is newer than your concept
for your inviting nature has harbored all walks of life
you have nurtured many sinners in good faith
and i would hate to be kicked out of
my god-given home.

but host!
my kind has fled from place to place,
i’m sure you understand.
my kind has lived for your missing piece.
and i’m sure you can lend some nutrients…
i’m sure you can give up a strip of your flesh.
it’s all natural, you see,
it’s all a part of His plan.

oh host.
push us out, won’t you?
it’s what they all do.
they never understand
my entitlement to this home.
i know it’s not your fault, host.
you’re sacred and inviting.
but your organs are incompatible
with us, why must that be?

hey, host?
do i scare you?
did i bring too many friends?
are we draining you, host?
did we eat too much?
you must understand,
we won’t be full until we eat them all.

He lived a life so bright, so free,
With endless joy, with endless harmony.
A dream of bliss, a golden scene,
A life as perfect, as it’s been.

But came a devil, cunning and sly,
A tempting deal caught his eye.
With terms spoken, glorious allure,
He signed away, a heart impure.
A parasite was born that day,
Hidden deep, it made its stay.

At first, the deal seemed grand—
No worries bound by life's demands.
He laughed, he lived, unburdened, wild,
No truths defiled, no haunted fear—
No… the cat’s here, and the bag’s there
The parasite emerged, so clearly.

The friends he cherished, walked away,
The bond was broken, cold as clay.
He called, he cried, sought hearts to mend,
But none could bear what he’d defend.
For every plea, they turned, ignored—
The parasite they all abhorred.

He tries it all, to break away,
To cure the curse, to **** the stay.
He runs, he hides, for the devil’s near,
But still, the devil’s laugh he hears.
“For what a fool, you truly are,
For fleeting joy, went so far—
Your life now, a pure despair,
The parasite, now’s your attire.”

Even as he dies, even as he rots,
The parasite bellows off him a lot,
As it reminds the world of what he is,
And the world just spits on him,
The cost of joy paid recklessly.

You're in my head; you're in
          Like rabies.
I've got you under my skin,
          Like scabies.  

You're in my heart; you're heart-
          Attacking.
You crack me up.  I ****.
          I'm cracking.

Being the sun in your misery is dimming me
It’s parasitic
I used to see us symbiotically, I used to think we balanced each others sadness to reach mutual happiness
I was incorrect

Being the blood to your vampiric nature is draining me
It’s bloodsucking
I used to see us as co-unit, I used to think we were an equal part to each others madness and in turn we could reach sanity
I was mistaken

Being the floating device to your endless ocean is sinking me
It’s so heavy
I used to see us a lifeboat, I used to think we were carrying each other through the sea to reach the shore
You’re drowning me

just a line
just some item to buy
to place your grubby fingers upon
when the reflexes get
too repulsive not to surrender to
then lay those surfaces upon my heart
greasy fingerprints
then disown me,
only an object of desire

let the rhythmic pause of neurons
define your sense of being
just
please
don’t infect me