Home is not welcoming.
Home does not want me here;
It allows me to live under its roof but
It will not let me forget.

Home is shame;
It is fear and guilt and regret.
It is the sound of
“You could do better”
And
“You are not enough”

Home stays still
It tells you to stay with it
In a way that your body won’t allow
You are squirming in place
About to burst, staying still.

Home has changed
It wasn’t always like this
It has silenced;
Poisoned our roots
And cut our wings.

Home is Home.
Your place of return.
It is safe under here
Protecting you from
The Outside World.

I find
Myself
In
A world
Apart
All glimpses
And echoes
I can’t
Quite
Clutch
With words
Before the
Bell
Rings
Me back
Into skin
And I breathe
Space between
There
And here
And feel
Waking
And forgetting
As one.

The world would never be the same
but the wind still sways the
bare tree tops and when
the cat meows it
still wants attention.

My body is weary from the aching times that makes me feel like a burden.
My head feels great weight.

My throat constantly sores from screaming my lungs out just to reach out.
My voice has run dry.

My skin sense a scorching sun from within that it aches my insides.
I could see the pain.

But I know it's not the virus.

Two months ago I lamented the lack of silence
between cars passing.
Never a full moment, never a breath
where the sound of one approaching
or one leaving did not intrude
upon the silence of the wind in my trees,
or the birds in my yard.

Now there are stretches of moments
where no car, motorbike, or truck
blemishes the peace.

Long moments I cherish,
until the blare of the next ambulance.

From going out
I have to refrain
Terrified by the passing by
Corona thunder and
Pandemic rain,
Oddly defying science,
A chimera,
Looming large
Again and again.

I have begun
To pine
For old me
Freely out to
The neighborhood
And street
Somebody to meet
Somebody to greet.

After  Covid-19's
Shock treatment,
My reservation
I admit
In being picky
When choosing people
I used to meet.

"Love your friend
As yourself
As God said
It has dawned on me
In humanity's treasure trove
Should  come peoples' love
Of course all things atop
Must be placed
In-God-vested hope.(Mark 12: 30-31)


My behavior spiraling
Out of control
A feeble and complacent
Human being
I stretched my imagination
As if God
Has secondary or no role.
As such,
Earthly pursuit
Was my goal.
Now, as King David said, (plasm 122:1)
I reflect
Going to church,
Uplifting soul, allows
With God keeping
In touch.
It has also sank in
Brushing shoulders
With collogues
Was enthusing
Aloof, on my chair
Before I perch,
At times to do
Reading research.

I realized the money
I used to stash away
To make hay,
While others were starving
And when I could become
People hungry
Had no meaning.

I want to see
The broadmass
No more afraid
Out, on their table
To put bread!

I pined my liberty of
To and fro
Breathing oxygen free
Before the
Corona lockdown decree.

I want to project
My true face
Forced not on
My lovely face
A mask to place.

With a square shoulder
I want to walk
No more ringing
In my ear
The pandemic talk.
I want to rove the land
And fly on the sky
To feast my eyes
On touristic spots
Or goods to buy,
May God allow me
Such things again
Before I die!
I  also pine to see
The day
Undertakers are
No longer in a hurry
Fellow citizens
To bury.

I pray for
God's Mercy
Gramercy!

But now  
Keeping social distance
Washings hands with soap
Putting on face mask
And sanitizing is
What I advance.

I slip
From
Now
To the nows
That pose
As laters
And I
Wonder
What’s to be.
I watch
With eager
Curiosity
Then
Anxious
Uncertainty
The loves
I’ve gathered
Along
The way
To make
My later
Matter.
And in the space
Between
Postures
Of not knowing
I find
The watcher.

I love you so much
in my heart of hearts
Know that.

One of my greatest fears is losing you
and sometimes I feel the time has come
      too much distance
      too many differences
that you're ready to leave

Not many things make me
     as sad as that does
Very few things bring me tears
     like that does

If I could make you feel
the physical sensation of
I love you -  I would.
It's visceral

I feel my heart warm up
knot in my chest
and in my throat
butterflies in my stomach
and tingles on my skin
Only just begin to explain it

I love you
with every fiber of being
Please
don't give up on me

Looking out my bedroom window
past the bluebirds and cardinals
vying for position on the seed-filled feeder,
past the doves and the squirrels
shamelessly settling for the leftovers below,
past the obligatory but unused lawn furniture,
past the turtles and storks and herons, and
past an alligator swimming slowly, but purposefully,
toward his place in the sun,
I can see the second green and the third tee
of the golf course where I live.

In these days of pandemic and social distancing
the golfers each drive their own cart.
On the putting green players stand six to ten feet apart,
no one touches the flagstick,
there are no high fives,
no shaking hands.

The green carts are driven
down the cart path
one-by-one
from two green
to three tee,
like four green baby ducks
following each other,
identical, synchronous, six to ten feet apart.

After teeing off
the players in the carts
again follow each other
one-by-one to the end of the path
before scattering
to the fairway or the bunker or the woods
or the edge of the lake
where the alligator has fallen asleep
in the sun with his mouth open
as if he is warning the golfers
to maintain the appropriate social distance.
Considerably more than six to ten feet apart.

She eases
To her
Feet,
Shifting
Gently,
Slightly,
Between
To settle
Them
Into one
For a moment
Before
Splitting
One away
To fly
To pull
Her center
To bend
Between
Stillness
And flight
To settle
Into one
For a moment
Before.
And I watch
From within
And without
Occupying
Edges
Just long enough
To blur.