We still listen to the same bands
Walk the same streets
And think about the same boys that broke our hearts
When the only thing that mattered was the next class we had
Or who kissed who by the bike sheds

When 3pm was the end of the day
And we lived for every mistake we made
Because it didn't matter that we hated this town
And it didn't matter who we let down
We'd become something bigger than
Just names etched into a desk
And all of the tears shed

We'd love and learn
And forget

The only thing is  
After a decade and some change
After miles away
And time for it all to fade

It's still all the same

Ain't I myself hero?
Reflecting in my mirror
with a deep smile on my cracked lips
Remembering the pains I've survived.
Oh my darling me,
walked through black mud streets
in painful legs to school
In just flip flop slippers on,
Not a sock worn
Just visible scars
Left seen by eyes the way they are.
I've been called fat a million times
how many things I've got to fight,
the strangling thoughts of body shape
feeling ugly like a certain ape,
Today I laugh at such words
and when unpleasant words comes by
I laugh or smile through it all.

This was very unexpected,
The pain is a pain I've never felt,
There's nothing easy about losing a child,
The moment I found out,
I was drowning in tears,
I've wanted a child since I was young,
I don't question his doings,
I just take it as a lesson as well as a blessing,
God has something bigger in store for us,

This broke my heart deeper than you can imagine,
I felt like my heart was taken out my chest,
My heart stopped for a moment,
I'm trying my best to keep it together,
But truth be told it ain't easy,
The holy spirit is what's keeping me sane,
Without my faith I'll go insane,
Outside I look good but inside I'm in pain,

There's no one to blame,
Life will never be the same,
Me and my wife went through this together,
We will get through this together,
One day we will try again but not anytime soon,
My pain so deep you can't see it,
Keep my emotions inside,

God gives his toughest battles,
To his strongest soldiers,
So the battle hasn't began to begin,
It's far from over,
We are soliders so will fight to end,
Children are in our future.

Before the Autumn reaps, don’t you believe that tree’s leaves would enjoy knowing the feeling of reaching and holding another’s branches? All the while these trees cannot conceive of such things.


I like to envision the brain of a dandelion as it tenderly caresses the faces of other dandelions. Before the wind sweeps away with their heads spreading each one’s likeness across distant lands. I bet they’d hold on to one another, these seeds, to the seeds of their lovers hoping to exist together upon the reaches of greener grass.


It’s not unlike me to marvel at what a miracle consciousness is. How lucky we are to share it despite all of its pains. All the while these dandelions might never see their own likenesses the way I can divine myself reflected back in my child’s smiling eyes. It’s such a blessing to conceive of such things. -six pm

I see you, seeing the real me; the woman who hides.
The woman who hides behind the pain of familial hurts
that refuse to fall off and die. I see you, seeing me, looking at me deeply with your heart. I see you looking into my eyes;
who are you really looking at? What are you looking for?
I have pain yes, I have hurts, yes. I have pains that you’ll never
want to know about.

But your eyes, your eyes are the window to my soul.
That night at the table I saw you, looking at the real me.
I saw the deepness inside of you, through your eyes.
I saw your devotion; you reached out to me and gave
me something I’ve never had before, real strength.

You say to me, “life is too short to be unhappy.”  
Because of your strength, I am working on just that,
being happy. Because of the way you look into me, I am clearing out the sadness and clutter that has kept my life
in deep dis-repair.  

I am working on not allowing any person; place or solitary
thing, to steal my joy, and to keep me down.
Because of the way you look into me, I am a work in progress.
Because of the way you look into my soul, I am working
on making changes that you see deep inside of a broken me.

When I look into your eyes, I see feelings; I see strength,
I see the power of what a really good man can actually do.
I see a drop of golden honey, that gets sweeter and
sweeter with each passing day.

When I look into your eyes, I see my future being put
together with grains of sand, that bind us together to
heal both our pasts.  When you look into my eyes, I feel you inside of me. Your strength is helping me heal,
you are rebuilding my hurts; pains, and all of my
disappointments.

When you sit next to me and stare into my eyes;
my soul is being autographed by your character.
You give me a portion of your strength when your
eyes look through me and see my pain.
Your eyes see something in me that I ever knew
was there, because your eyes are the window  
to my healing soul, I can work on healing myself,
and release my hidden pain and sadness.

Little boy
Pushes me
Mommy said that how boys say they like me
Year
By
Year
I keep this in mind
and everytime I end up crying

wounded bruised and used
Now im grown
and had affection shown to me
After all the bad boys
I gave him a chance
I showed him my heart
but it all came crashing down
Like waves of the ocean
But thank you mommy because you taught me how to float

i have a scar, on the inside of my wrist
not from a blade

it's from my own fingernail
that time i tried to peel my skin off
tired, so tired, of being a
person

i told everyone it was from the curling iron

Here one lies
Stomach aching
Throbbing
Unknown reasons
Trying to sleep,
She grabs the sheets
Pulls them over her head
And hides
From the world
And it's cruel, cruel truth

So I say
"Make me feel better"
To my mother
She kisses my head
Tries to ease me
Yet all she can do
Is give me a pill
And wait

So I say
"Make me feel better"
To myself
Only, I reply;
"Never,"
"For you shall never be."

Here I lay
Aching in my stomach
And other little common things
But still
No matter how much medicine I take
That's not all the pain I feel
And none of it goes away.

- Jay M
June 7th, 2019