This poem was supposed to my outlet
On a day that’s been going like ****
Why is it then that I can’t hit
That sweet spot and just
******* LOSE IT

I'm desperately searching an outlet
But you act
and you write
and you paint
and sometimes, when no one hears it, you even sing

I have enough outlets, but i can't let myself out
I don't come out
Maybe that's the thing
Maybe that's where the problem lies
But I still search

I try to craft my feelings away
And then, on better days I feel so confident
I am my own outlet
My own porthole

But what about these other days?
I don't have time
Again, I should long be asleep
I feel like school's eating me

And I just add the salt and pepper

Somber tones echo throughout the chambers
Everlasting melancholy lingers through my heart

The heaviness of soul
For I play the ebony
With the intent to speak those words I cannot express

The tenderness of heart
For I play the ivory
I let the room speak - my hands are the mouth of intention

I won't drink all of the lemonade: take down my artwork,
My shoes won't litter the welcome mat:
I promise not to haunt you.
I won't scare you when all the lights are off: I won't take up space or bother you.
I won't scare you by turning all the lights on: no more wrinkled sheets,

My voice won't be in your head: no more unmade beds.
I won't give you chills: the tv won't flicker.
My favorite songs won't burden you: you won't have to worry about me never leaving the house.

My journals won't appear to you randomly begging to be read:
that ink will follow me in my death

I'm done with living in the dark
I'm done with all these razor blade scars
No more depression pills
It's time to turn this life around
Yeah I'm homeward bound
Time to lift up and change my sound
I'm done with depressing lyrics
I'm done with being the victim
When I'm the one who put myself in that position
Yeah memories can stay in the past
Right where they belong
I'm singing a brand new song
Hope you're all willing to come along

©2017 Written By Benji James

Looks like a good day
To stay in bed
Alarms waking me up again
Feels like a good day
To stay in bed
Throw the phone across the room
That's when the home phone rings
*******, can't seem to catch a break
Guess things ain't gonna go my way

Trying to make the most of each moment,
Trying to stay positive and not lose hope
Kicked my toe, on the bed corner
**** hurts like hell
Bad luck streaks building up again
This has to change sometime soon
They say good things will come to you
The longer you wait,
the bigger the reward
Starting to think those people are all talk
Not sure where they picked up that thought

Looks like a good day
To stay in bed
Alarms waking me up again
Feels like a good day
To stay in bed
Throw the phone across the room
That's when the home phone rings
*******, can't seem to catch a break
Guess things ain't gonna go my way

Lost all sense of social skill
Can't chill, can't keep it real
Trying to find the light
Amongst all this dark
Trying to find something
To spark this broken heart
Nothing seems to go to plan
Keep trying to improve myself and
become a better man
Insecurities are getting the better of me again

Looks like a good day
To stay in bed
Alarms waking me up again
Feels like a good day
To stay in bed
Throw the phone across the room
That's when the home phone rings
*******, can't seem to catch a break
Guess things ain't gonna go my way

Feels like I'm wishing
On broken mirrors
Life really kicks you
When your down
Thought there wasn't anything lower than the ground
It seems I've found a deeper ditch
Sometimes life makes you its *****
And you get fed up with all this ****
And all you can think
Yeah all you wanna do
Is sleep the whole day through

Looks like a good day
To stay in bed
Alarms waking me up again
Feels like a good day
To stay in bed
Throw the phone across the room
That's when the home phone rings
*******, can't seem to catch a break
Guess things ain't gonna go my way

©2017 Written By Benji James

Hey, what are you waiting for?
Me to walk around with an 'S'
On my chest
Told you this boy will never fly again
You tore all the pieces of dignity
Out of me
You've changed all the colour
Into black and white
Tell me do you feel proud?
Knowing how you've trampled
Somebody into the ground
Tell me do you feel proud?
And no this isn't about the girls
It's about all the people who tear
So hard into me and my art
This is about killing off the rumours
You've gone and started on me
And don't you see?
How they have been killing me softly
Ruining my reputation
In amongst all the adulation
Of all the allegations.

Are you just gonna stand there?
Are you just gonna watch me fall?
Can't believe they just stood by
You didn't even reach out your hands
But every time I see you
I still lose it again and again and again
How could I forgive them so easily?
Why did they just stand there?
Tell me why
Oh tell me why
They just watched me fall.

Don't you hate it!
when everything seems to disappear
Don't you hate it!
That when what you hear is not what you said
Don't you hate it!
When everybody is speculating about something
They know nothing about
Oh god, I hate it!
When your betrayed by the one you trust
Oh god, I hate it!
When I see they've been spilling lies
Oh god, I hate it!
That it kills me on the inside
Oh don't you hate it
Oh don't you hate it

Right now you can feel all the trouble
Stirring inside of my mind
Right now you can see all the memories
Burning on the outside
Right now you can smell
All the fear in the air
Right now you can hear
My heart beating faster and faster
Oh what this is just a disaster
And it's escalating
This needs investigation
Oh these people just keep on interacting
I'm supposed to be the inspiration
And the downfall is just another speculation
Of human interference inside of my life
And I'm supposed to be so dedicated
To changing all the sceptics
Who believe all the lies
I am getting entrapped by my own creation
Somehow I went and lost the motivation
To keep fighting all the critics
All the ones who thought they knew the truth

Are you just gonna stand there?
Are you just gonna watch me fall?
Can't believe they just stood by
You didn't even reach out your hands
But every time I see you
I still lose it again and again and again
How could I forgive them so easily?
Why did they just stand there?
Tell me why
Oh tell me why
They just watched me fall.

Don't you hate it!
when everything seems to disappear
Don't you hate it!
That when what you hear is not what you said
Don't you hate it!
When everybody is speculating about something
They know nothing about
Oh god, I hate it!
When your betrayed by the one you trust
Oh god, I hate it!
When I see they've been spilling lies
Oh god, I hate it!
That it kills me on the inside
Oh don't you hate it
Oh don't you hate it

Oh note to self you've gotta keep standing up
You've got to push back the ones that start
To point the fingers at you
Say your the blame for all of this
Say your the one who lied and cheated
And you cry and feel so defeated
Especially when what's going around
Just ain't true.
All the rumours that have spread
Have started from nothing
It starts to show that it's taking its toll
Your trying to protect yourself
While trying to shield everybody else
Tell me how targeting people
Over the simple things
Like all the gossip
You hear through your job.
And it's just not what should go on
Oh feel the shame
Because soon your gonna feel the effects
Of what comes from the end of this.

Are you just gonna stand there?
Are you just gonna watch me fall?
Can't believe they just stood by
You didn't even reach out your hands
But every time I see you
I still lose it again and again and again
How could I forgive them so easily?
Why did they just stand there?
Tell me why
Oh tell me why
They just watched me fall.

Don't you hate it!
when everything seems to disappear
Don't you hate it!
That when what you hear is not what you said
Don't you hate it!
When everybody is speculating about something
They know nothing about
Oh god, I hate it!
When your betrayed by the one you trust
Oh god, I hate it!
When I see they've been spilling lies
Oh god, I hate it!
That it kills me on the inside
Oh don't you hate it
Oh don't you hate it

I've heard all the words they've said
They can't separate the facts from the lies
And that's why they've just crossed the line
Starting something they know nothing about
Just declared war, Those people know who they are
And there the ones who'll be taken down first
Because what goes around comes around
Karma's gonna strike you first
And there's is no need to pray and wish
Because everybody,
Oh, everybody, all ready knows this
Just hope the curse doesn't get worse
You should have just shut your mouth
Now we'll just have to wait and see
What things happen from here
Oh prepare for the fall
Because I can already here the karma call

Are you just gonna stand there?
Are you just gonna watch me fall?
Can't believe they just stood by
You didn't even reach out your hands
But every time I see you
I still lose it again and again and again
How could I forgive them so easily?
Why did they just stand there?
Tell me why
Oh tell me why
They just watched me fall.

Don't you hate it!
when everything seems to disappear
Don't you hate it!
That when what you hear is not what you said
Don't you hate it!
When everybody is speculating about something
They know nothing about
Oh god, I hate it!
When your betrayed by the one you trust
Oh god, I hate it!
When I see they've been spilling lies
Oh god, I hate it!
That it kills me on the inside
Oh don't you hate it
Oh don't you hate it

©2017 Written By Benji James