When young I believed that age and wisdom travelled hand in hand.
But as I grew much older I began to understand.
That what I had thought of as one of nature's golden rules.
In truth it is that as you get older, you just find much older fools.

I am a year older now,
Yesterday feels like history,
And tomorrow is too far away.

I am a year older now,
All this knowledge but still know nothing,
Seen too much but still saw nothing.

I am a year older now,
Don’t know where I am heading but I know where I came from,
Don’t know who will stay but I know who was with me,
Don’t know who will I become but I know who I am now,
Don’t know about the future but I know about now.

I am a year older now,
A year closer to my death,
A year away from my birth.

I'm starting to question
What is family?
What does that word really mean?
Thought I knew the definition
Contradicting what evidence I've seen

As kids are told that our parents have the answers
Zero reason to believe otherwise
We trust, obey, and rely on them
They nurture us with lies

Like "We do not have a favorite child"
"We love you and your brother the same"
You'd rank two different colors equally
As long as sharing a similar name?

The words, stories, and advice passed along
From elders through the years
Vague clique anecdotes
To pacify our fears

But we cannot be anything we want
We aren't perfect just the way we are
Wish my mother had warned me
Some goals are just too far

We try hard to make them proud
Opinions matter so much
You grow up and realize
Flawed they are so you lose touch

Honor mother and father
Commandment known to all
Guess the Bible's author never shared his
With pills or a bottle of alcohol

Blood thicker than water?
Sayings a joke to me
Thinner than sheets of paper
About the same transparency

Family above everything
I dont think that's fair
Sick of putting people first
When they don't seem to care

Relatives are supposed to lend a hand
Express unjudgmental support
Every time I need help from them
Always somehow come up short

Hastily taking others sides
No matter what arguments about
Assuming I must be totally wrong
They refuse to hear me out

Unconditional love I will always have
That doesn't equal unconditional respect
Don't extend the same courtesy to me
What do they expect?

I have friends treat me better
Than own relatives
Who don't hold over my head
Favors or gifts she/he gives

My parents jealous of my boyfriend
They refuse to understand
I always put him first
Against them take stand

Maybe because he strives every day
Does all he can just to see me smile
Isn't perfect
But when it counts,
He will go the extra mile

They do not care about my happiness
In fact
The last thing on their list
Just want to control me
Push away but they persist

My brother thinks he is superior
Lecturing how I should live the right way
Disagree with a few of his own life choices
The difference is I don't say

I will always be there for them when I can
Even though they aren't always there for me
Mom and Dad sure set great examples
Examples of what NOT to be

Family is a meaningless word
I learned that long ago
Just because someone created your life
Does not mean to them your life you owe

I know they love me as I love them
It's difficult to see
The messed up **** they do
Is because they care for me

But the word "family" lost meaning
The older (and wiser) I became
Now only really matters
When referring to last name

When I was young life came at such a pace that choices were often ill-considered.
Now I am older the pace is easier but the important choices are all made and they can only be made to change by actions ill-considered.

wishing I was older
while trying to slow down time


©L.F.