scared, frightened, anxious
worried, jittery, nervous
“will i be okay?”

It burns like an acid,

these hot tears,

Tearing through my skin.

The inside of my chest shredded,

And it's your hand this time,

That holds the carving knife.

Through it all, I hear a pounding-

                          
                                          It's my hand on the table.
                                          As some tune's stuck in my head.
                                          I look around at all my friends,
                                          Grins and smiles a blaze by the fire.
                                          And for the first time in a long while,
                                          I join in, and I'm okay.

When I lie in bed
Dreaming of comfort
I am reminded
That you never were
And that’s okay.

that sometimes, when i say "i'm fine",
i don't mean "save me" -
i mean i can figure it out on my own

- v.m

People say you have to be positive
You have to smile when you can
You have to cry when you can
You just have to sort of way.

I don't get any of it.

Can't I be- or feel
Nothing?
Can I be 'okay'? For once.
As in I'm neither sad nor mad-
Kind of way.

Can't I feel like
I don't care about anything
And not worry for once.

Yeah, it might be bad
To feel numb.

But I don't care at the moment.

I don't care at all, right now.

As I slip a drop under my tongue
The floor beneath me starts to melt
Like a painting left in the rain
My existence starts to fade
And panic starts to set in
As my grip on reality loosens

I see only darkness for a time
And left with only my dark deep thoughts
As I try claw my way back to consciousness
I sink deeper into psychosis

Until my vision is regained
And am reborn into a world
Completely new and stunning
Static shapes now twist and turn
Around the fragility that is my ever-changing perception

Words are thought but cannot be spoken
Like an imperceptible creature holding your tongue
Your inner voice has the power here
Dare not feed it with negativity
Less you learn the true nature of the sorrow
You can inflict upon yourself

-R

i've hugged him twice in my life
once when everything was ok
and once when everything wasn't
but i said it was