If my life were a movie
It'd be the one where the hero didn't win
If the hero is even a hero at all
Everything I've ever done wrong etched into my memory before i take the final fall
My soul no longer cries out
My mind has done a good job of sewing it's mouth shut
I'm too much of a coward to end it all
Through my head the thoughts will continue to crawl
They've planted a tree
As far as they could deep down inside of me
Its roots in my feet
Its branches grow twisted within me as i sleep
Cut me down

The thought of losing you used to scare me.
Now I just feel numb.

if its all temporary at this age then what's the point?
what is the point of letting someone in and getting emotionally involved when it is all temporary

everything ends

nothing is forever

so for what?

hopelessness is what I've become
but some sick part of me believes that the lost of hope that has taken over me protects me from further damage

why start over? why give in? why spend my time invested on someone who is only going to hurt me and leave

there is absolutely no point

I've loved and lost to the point that i don't want it.
yes, i remember the happiness love brings and the unbelievable breath taking feeling that overtakes everything you are when you look at the person you love in the eyes, or when she tells you she loves you. yes, i remember all of that.

but the pain surpasses the happiness by far to much for me to be able to let myself love again.

I'm empty
and i will not let anyone fulfill me
not now
its a waste of time
a waste of effort


for what?

Desire - the detrimental nature of men.
The untouchedness of women,
The innocence of childhood.
Burnt into ashes. Gone.

How I wish Ticktock was my greatest thief,
So innocence would not have left me so early.
Fragments of memories scar my soul,
Yet. Pain, unfelt.

I was four - I was loved.
My stolen innocence,
My untold story.
Life. Long gone.

I'm getting tired of my fears
Of my wantings
Of my aims and my goals
They're always the same

I'm getting bored of everything
Of my eternal wait
Of his face
Of the thrills I'll never feel

Every beautiful thing is killing me
'Cause I'm not able to feel it

My head is full of senseless words
That fills the emptiness I'm carrying on

I don't want anything
I don't want anything

You can't hear me

I don't want
I don't

When deciding whether it's better to
avoid
ignore
go numb
than to
feel
hurt
and cry
remember why.

Why you'd rather
work
talk
and clean
than
sit
lounge
twiddling thumbs.

Why you'd rather it
rain
snow
or be sunny
than
equilibrium
gray
with thin clouds.

Why
idle
steady
clean
hands are a sign of inexperience, and
sore
throbbing
tired
feet are worthwhile.

Remember
every
single
time
that you're only happy when it rains
but
sun
and cold
will never get old.

The truth is i get infatuated with any girl who puts up with my ****
From walking straight to bounding
From beating straight to pounding
I make myself sick
My mind is a revolving door that will never stick

your acidic tears
melted my metal heart,
seep through the filters
that protect my interiors.

thank you for letting me feel,
even though it's pain.

I love picking at my old wounds
I can't escape my past
Id love to tell you goodbye
But my dear depression
You are here to last