i want to write
i want to fill this empty page with brilliant words
i want to blow people away with my witty metaphors and symbolism
but i cant seem to get it out

trust me I have so much to say
too many thoughts
so many unfinished poems
I mean i probably have about 50 drafts
just sitting,
unfinished,
unpolished,
unperfect
it's either too wordy or not wordy enough,
too meticulous or not meticulous enough,
doesn't rhyme at all or doesn't rhyme the way i want it to

i want to be good like all the others i see on here
but i just cant seem to measure up

Girl
Daughter
Sister
Cousin

Have you noticed how from the moment we are born we are given names.
Descriptions that bare the weight of expectations placed onto tiny shoulders that cannot yet hold up the weight of the body they have?
As we grow those name, those descriptions they grow in number and become heavier too.

Girl
Daughter
Sister
Cousin
Woman
Friend
Partner
Wife
Mothe­r
Caregiver
Provider

Placed upon our shoulders is the weight of every person we care about.
We, as females, are charged with caring for them all.
This is what the world expects from us.
Perfection is what we try to force from ourselves on behalf of everyone else.
Often we loose ourselves in the fray,
always expected to make it work,
sort it out,
fix it,
listen,
empathize,
understand
and so much more.

Yet for all of this, when we have little left to give;
when the weight becomes to much and our hardened shells crack,
letting out a little of what we ourselves feel, we are told we're
over emotional,
dramatic,
To just calm down,
it's not such a huge deal.

Except that it is...
While we are everything for everyone, more often than not we are alone in our burdens.
So while we give others what they need to be okay;
we do not get the same in return.

See, being a good woman is the
thankless job
that society has given us...

look at her, they say.
so polite and hardworking.
I reply with an okay-
and try to be like her.

look at her smiling on the stage, they say.
shining with a grade 8 in piano.
I reply with an okay-
and mold myself into someone they'll like.

look at her grades, they say.
getting top marks in every subject possible.
I reply with an okay-
but I'll always be inferior.

and they say, that's just how life works. </3

too many lies have made me blind

i'm just trying to make myself feel and be better, but i wasn't a great partner.. always two sides to the story

she pointed out things i already knew about myself, i'm not perfect but i try to be patient with myself... if I could I would've rushed the process

i'm worth it, yes... i think... but sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm worth my next breath of air

i've always had an issue with that until it backfired, one bullet turns into 100

right at me, if they were real i wouldn't try to dodge

questioning the "logic" behind these emotions

imaginary weight? but it's dragging me down before the sun rises again

i don't have anything to believe in, i'm not the one for her... is what she's decided

nothing is right for me... after endless mental agony

facts don't make me feel better, but it's good to be honest

always better to be honest... things are **** at the moment

there's nothing to do but live through it again

i was... dumb to think otherwise

they say to step away at first sign, but you always want to try to fight it

for the sake of making things work, even if they don't

i've given up plenty of times, this time it feels like i shouldn't again

when i should, again

here it comes

i get it, i get it

ahhhhhhhhhhh

yes i'm flawed... i know... i'm still... growing eww

sooner or later

"just let her go"

it's so simple... she's vanished

and it wasn't meant to be, but i thought she was the one to settle down with afterall

she's hung up on an image, multiples

if it makes me feel better, believe it

she just wasn't into me

just focus.. on living, not just exisiting

imagine loving someone that doesn't love you back

thinking about a certain future that's been taken away


my mind is lost right now.... i'll let it run for a bit until i can catch upppp


dreams unlived


i dreamt about our kids last night and I forgot to tell you


an ending with too many photos to feel alive to

I just need more.
I need one more night with you
because I miss the way you feel.
I miss the way your lips feel so right
The way you make me melt when you smile at me
The way I feel when you send me a message
The way it makes me smile when you think of me
The way it makes me feel when I think of you.
I didn't get enough, so I need more.
I need more butterflies when you accidentally touch my leg
or sit closer to me than I think you mean too
or laugh at my jokes
or whisper to me when our friends are yelling
or even when you look at me like I'm a camera on a tv show.
I can't believe that you make me feel this way.
And I can't believe it's gone.
I need more.
Can I have more?
Can we just have five more minutes?

“i’ll always choose him”
her voice rolled like thunder
the words struck me like lightning
the raindrops falling down my face
as i watch the wind carry my love away.
it becomes too much to bare
i become a storm cellar, attempting to lock my emotions away.
but the storm is too much,
my love for her consumes me like a surfer in the middle of a hurricane.
i don’t know how to control it.
like the waves my mind is slowly crashing
i’m scared, lost, and confused.
i’m in the middle of nowhere, yet i still scream for help.
somehow i see her and we lock eyes.
she becomes a tornado as she wraps me up,
only to leave me worse then when she found me.
for some reason i can’t convince myself to leave her.  
i hold on to the fact that after every storm there’s still a rainbow.
i just wonder if it’ll be you.