In 2017,  I wanted to die.
I wanted to know what it felt like to lose my breath, and never gain it back.
I wanted to know what it felt like to drift into an infinite sleep.

In 2017, I wanted to die.
I didn't eat or drink water in hopes of withering away.
I didn't sleep in hopes of crashing my car on the interstate.

In 2017, I wanted to die.
I cried until my body could no longer produce tears.
I cried until my head hurt.

In 2018, I want to live.
I feel the sunshine peeking from behind the clouds.
I feel like it's finally my time to know what happiness feels like.

in 2017 i’ve had many drunken nights
laughing and giggling as the alcohol takes
over my body making new friends every second

in 2017 i’ve gotten high feeling euphoric and calm
with glossy bloodshot eyes as I continuously take hit after hit letting the drugs take control

in 2017 i had a stable job at a restaurant meeting new people everyday smiling and taking their order and that’s where I got close to him I got to know him

in 2017 i graduated high school feeling accomplished that I had completed 4 years of dreadful school no more roaming the halls or skipping class

in 2017 i met him at work we got to know each other bonding over little things I’ve ridden in his car multiple times and I’ve realized that I’m infatuated


in 2018 i will be strong i will focus on my writing
trying to write one poem a day about anything that
comes to mind

hello. its me.
alive and breathing
walking into a new chapter
of a new book
of my auto biography.

mentally I've grown.
new state of mind
developed in an essence of my own.

one year.
me, myself & I
three hundred & sixty five
days,
of my life

welcoming new opportunities
embracing changes
yet to come
here's to page 1.