I remember the way the world looked when I thought everyone was pure,
The hot air balloon of naivety was my only way up,
It felt safe then, when I remained unaware of other minds,
Then suddenly the red night battered down the doors, oh detestable colour!

Now my mind is tortured daily with nostalgia at each stair,
I love in vain and cry for all the shadows that cannot leave,
Their existence is essential and I didn't know that before,
But it's true when I say I lived in light, in the midst of that old nightmare.

It always hits like a tidal wave, doesn't it?
The anxiety, the panic, the  t e r r o r.

I haven't met anyone that suffers from social anxiety as I do. My actions are always interpreted as they are on the surface. I think my friends have concluded that I'm naturally a *****.

Yes, I snapped at you because I'm nasty and have an awful temper. (I feel like you are trying to hurt me, you are trying to hurt me, please leave me alone)

Yes, I rolled my eyes because I'm inconsiderate. (Is this working? Do I look strong? Do I look like I'm relaxed and unbothered even though my heart might jump out of my chest?)

Yes, I just have a resting ***** face. (If I smile I'll look weird, and if I look weird people might do things to me, the might hurt me, they might hurt me like... like... he did)

If we tried to better understand our reasoning behind peoples actions, it helps us better understand ourself. It's why I'm so patient with my friends when they are breaking down, when they snap at me, ***** about me, trigger me. Because I know they are hurting too.

Or perhaps this is just naivety. That too.

I don't understand how the victim is the one to be blamed, as the predator goes off easily. The sensitive ones blamed for how they feel as their reaction are blown out of proportion while the predator gaslights and walk off with no responsibility or consequence for their action. Why is that salt is added to wound, trigger pulled on a trigger while the perpetuators, manipulators walk off free. I don't understand why the victims suffer, while the predators are glorified. I don't understand, and maybe by breathing naivety never will.

- To the many things, I fail to understand about this world

I have always thought if two people were in love
Together could take any obstacle
If they tried their hardest to work it out
No problem could remain unsolvable

I was the paradigm of hopeless romantic
Pristine
Knowing your heart my greatest wish
A privilege to be chosen as your queen
Knees wobbling like jellyfish

I was sure our friendship would not fail
You were the only thing I ever wanted
Foolish belief
We could survive on love
What had my head undaunted

To those who are disillusioned
(Like me)
Please
I beg you to stop
Need to open your eyes
Before you fall from clouds
A far drop

I found my theories to be wrong
All along living a dream
Two hearts in love did try
Both burned as a team

Our bond destroyed by negligence
We will rebuild our lives apart
Misfortune cares not for romance
Time removed softness from each heart

In my mind delusions are shattered
Of you
What love is
Will I find strength to fall once more?
Or be alone as long as I live?

When you persist in delving despite their refusal,
And they say..."F**k it, here's what's wrong",

I wish I hadn't done that!

Joy is nothing but a fleeting moment.
Alike solar flares, it bursts with power,
then burns with the blinding blaze of hope.
It’s a light which diverts our attention
but then ceases after we’ve been misled.
It gives us a deceiving veil for reality,
a version full of languidly rotting bliss.
And just when we’re about to get used to
this fake, transient “truth” we cling to,
that’s when the torch in our fragile hands
suddenly decides to take its last breath.

We find ourselves in the same void again,
feeling empty and lost, without an aim.
We then desperately start seeking fuel
so that our fire of hope would burn anew.
We grasp everything that comes along,
we just want a source of hope to go on.
We just need a sense of balance in life,
something to make us believe we are fine.
And when we’re in growing utter despair,
our obscuring naivety won’t lead us anywhere.