i had a point with writing this and i feel as though i completely missed it. i felt upset that people didn't understand the way that i coped with situations and how they had affected me. and i tried to put it into words. it's just a big mess.

i sat in the forest,
picking up leaves
and ripping them
in different ways,
different shapes
because everyone is different.
and they all break differently.

i picked a once green leaf
that was staring to brown
on the edges.

i ripped it
and it didn't break
slowly.

it just fell apart
in my hands.

it made me look up at the
sunbeams
slipping between
the tall forest trees.

realising,
not everyone breaks slowly.

some people crumble and fall apart
all at once.

fixing this might take awhile but i know i need to swap out many words, and make it make sense. ill update you tomorrow on how it's going.

we all feel
misunderstood
at some point in our lives,
whether its our whole life --
or a few times.

we all feel
misunderstood
for many different reasons,
and every single reason --
is valid.

but there's someone out there
who understands
every
word
that
you
say.

you just have to have patience.

Love.
How simple that word is except it has been misunderstood; illused,
Media portrays it everywehere.
So much so, it's shoved down our throats.
Some say love is forgive and forget; blood runs thicker.
But what about the one who manipulates, anillates, and isolates this thing.
This little thing called love.
L-O-V-E
it puts the L in "love me just as I am,"
the O in "Over and Over please forgive me,"
V in whispered in the "Very unpredictable challenges that come" and E.
E as in"Every day remind me with those sweet tender nothings. "
We wish for the old timey love but instead we now wish,
for the love where we grow old, and it doesn't matter what time makes us look like.
The love where we don't want to get the phone.
The love where we pursue through the tough times.
Where we don't give up after just one fight.
Or we misuse our words.
Kind of like the word love.
I've heard it gets misused a lot.

In half is what I am
They don't know because they can't
I don't blame them
But maybe I should
For every time they think they would
Every time they think they could

Just like the number 3,033
The brain cannot see
Cannot be in the place of me

In half is what I am
Broken, unbroken
Trying what I can
Trying to make them see
Trying to fight the side,
I don't want to be
Trying all I can to just let it be

Have you ever wondered?
Have you ever become?
Who is a villain?

Sit down.
Look at the skies.
Look at the people.
What good is there?

Nothing but vanity.
I have lived, and I have died.
I hated, and I was hated.
For that I am.
I am what I became.

Good?
Nothing but lies.
No good exists in this world.
Only hate, love, betrayal
And worst of all: regret.
Nothing but misery.
Nothing but loss and sadness.

If you ask
Yes, I once embraced goodness.
But when I woke up
And let it go
They scorned me.
They hated me.
Why?
In their eyes, I was different.
I was a villain.
I did not bother.
I am that I am.

I once asked myself:
Is there really a god?
If there is one
Why, when I prayed,
When I begged
Did He not hear me?
Why did He not save me?

And yet...
Nothing.
The king laughs at the fool,
And here I am
Praying to nothing.
To a silence dressed as a god.

There is no god.
If there is
He watches you suffer.
He watches joy blemish.
Why worship a god who enjoys pain?
That is your god, not mine.
I will not bow to a devil.
My head is my dignity.

Curse me all you want.
Hate me for all I care
Let the world deny me.
Let god disown me.
Only one thing has stayed with me
My shadow.
A reflection.
My true self.
The darkness.
And through him
I am known.

Let me tell you a story:
A man who wanted everything,
But was given nothing.
And still he smiled.

Only he knew
What was killing him inside.
He smiled because no one else knew.
No one could comfort him.

The world didn’t appreciate him.
It pushed him to the edge.
The struggle wasn’t enough.
He tried to show he was happy.

People mistreated him,
Bullied him,
Poured salt into his wounds.
No one thought anymore.
No one ever asked:
What is it like to be the other guy?

He accepted it all.
He bathed in insults like a child in the rain.
But this world wasn't made for him.
If only he hadn't been born.
He kept going.
Yearning for love.
Praying for peace.
Dreaming of happiness.

But it was all a dream
Too good to be true.

If what the people wanted was change,
Then change they would get.
But to his surprise
They feared him.
The world finally noticed him.

Their scorn wavered.
They followed.
He led.
He was on top.
And they called him a villain.

They said, “You’ve changed.”
But it was the world that changed him.

Who is a villain?
I tried to be good.
But you made it vanity.
Now I behave like you
And you call me the monster?

I let it all slide.
But you made me this.
You created this.

Let me tell you something:
People love watching a hero fall.
They don’t hate you
They hate your truth.

Nobody noticed me until I changed.
Until I removed my mask.
The greatest enemy of a man
Is himself.

People don’t love you.
They want from you.
Become weak.
Rely on them
Watch them vanish.

Gone like air.

When you’re weak,
They reveal their true selves.
In your final hour
They forget you.
Just like they forgot me.

I have lived.
I have died.
And I have transformed.

All that remains
Is a broken heart.

If only a hero knew
What I’ve been through...
These people aren’t worth saving.
They were never meant for salvation.

Don’t speak like them.
To them you’re a freak.
It’s all a lost cause.
Vanity.
Vanity whispers...
And yet, you still die for them.

You’re not their hero.
You’re their entertainment.
They’ll strip your worth
Then toss you aside.

Mockery becomes their joy.
Hatred becomes their anthem.

The more I tried,
The more I cracked.
My self shattered
Reforged into something new.

A villain is not born.
They are made.

It’s not that I’m bad
It’s that people refuse to see
Who they truly are.

I didn’t want this.
I didn’t choose this.
But what choice did I have?

My greatest wish
Is for you to know.
To know what I’ve endured.
To cry.
To mourn what I became.

You left your savior in the flames.
And turned your back.

Maybe this is how God felt
Creating a world
That mocked Him.

He tried to call them home
But they were too far gone.
Maybe He was a good God,
After all.

Hero
When I’m gone,
Sing my deeds in song.

Let them decide
Hate me...
Or praise me.

If they sing of me
I’ll be at peace beyond the stars.
I shall sing in heaven.

But ask yourself
What have you done?
What have you made me do?

I’m not at fault.
You’re not either.
This is life.
And life
Is the greatest trial of all.

Hero
Design my coffin with beauty and emeralds.
For I shall depart on a journey.
Maybe you were meant for this world.

I shall fly to my God’s embrace.
But before I go
Let me look at the stars.
The starry night I’ve always admired.
The moon’s soft beam
It calms me.
It always does.

You’ve been my joy.
The beauty of your creation
I adored.
And I envied.

It is time.

I can finally leave
Without regret.
Maybe I wasn’t bad after all.
Maybe I was just...
Lost.

Hero,
Shall we meet again?
Maybe then, I will truly see you.

When the time comes...
Till we meet again.

You say you understand.
Oh do you now?
Do you know what its like to feel abandoned or betrayed?
Do you know what its like to be the one out of billions as a  mistake?
You don't understand, you just don't.  You don't know what its like to sit at the dinner table eating steak, acting like I am not about to just break. I try so hard to act like i'm this happy jolly kid who has an incredible life and family. But deep inside, Im this teenager who is falling apart day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Do you not realize what you've done to me? What you are doing to me? You keep me away locked up like im a cage without a key. Why cant you just let me be? So many questions i have that you can't answer, so many things that i can't fathom.  
Oh if only I wasn't a mistake.

He walks slowly
As if he is about to pounce?
His lips move as if

Words should be

Pouring

Out

But no sound
Comes out

They say he's a Freak but
No one dares to say “hi”
They just cross the street
With cautious eyes.
His hair is greasy, dark, and thick
And his clothes seem to swallow him whole

No one has ever heard him speak
But he carries a notebook-
Its worn as if
its lived too many lives
No one questions what could be in it

But

If they opened the book
Did not cross the street
They would read of his service in the marines
Say “hello” for the first time
When they eventually close the book


They would understand.

"the early bird gets the worm"
the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese
"seize the day"
seize the day, but put very little trust
in tomorrow
"curiosity killed the cat"
curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction
brought it back
"great minds think alike"
great minds think alike, though
fools seldom differ
"money is the root of all evil"
for the love of money is the root of all
kinds of evils
"jack of all trades, master of none"
jack of all trades, master of none,
though oftentimes better than
master of one