When I felt
You were gone
I decided to go back
What we called our road
Just to feel you and us
Once again
For the last time.

absent from my life,
but dancing forever in my mind.

preserved perfectly:
idealized and beautified,
immortal, god-like.

wanting to let go,
yet holding on too tight.

memories, exaggerated:
they haunt me,
notoriously unreliable.

close my eyes;
take me back in time…
before I was bloodied by his arrow.

I can't take you with me
the trail's too steep
but I'll pack a few blurry pieces of you
sea shells and sand grain
boating and Busch Light

I'm rolling up your long, loud laugh
and putting it where the socks go.
so when I rest again,
I can unzip,
and hear you.
through tattered mesh pockets
holding fuzzy drunk photos
too fleeting and fast, your face

I’m taking you with me
The scraps of your smile folded into my sweater
Your voice explodes
As I roll my sunny yellow dress to fit

Perhaps I'll wear your laughter
to a party in some other town
to compliment my flower crown

what is the percentage
that i miss you
that i reminisce us
what is the chance
that you miss me too
that you miss us
what is this feeling
that i thought of you
that i create an image of you
is this ninety-nine percent
confirming
believing
that we miss it
that we must kiss it
to close it
to end it
coz 1% is not ours
to take
to risk

xoxo

Laying down on a clump of moss
Body shuddering with the feeling of loss
Two feet away the grave your visiting
You rub your chest against the heartbreak bubbling
Unsure how long you can endure
When all you want is some closure
In the end you get up and leave
You'll try again when your sure you wont heave

Don't call me perfect while you're
still in love with her.
You called me perfect.
And then told me you loved her.
How could I be perfect if I'm not her?
The perfect not her?

i told you my mom said no before i even asked her
though it wasn't because i didn't want to go
i just knew asking wouldn't change a **** thing
and my chest can't take the water today

black lipstick in my room
i wear it for the mirror and i hope she likes it
i don't know how to wear eyeliner
but i still wish you could see how it brings out the sin in my eyes
and my eyes wish they could see your sins tonight

i'll read about them in grey conversations
as your contact photo smiles at me
that smile is too small to be my whole world
but i'm afraid if i lose it, the earth might stop turning

sometimes the earth feels no bigger than my bedroom
and sometimes i can hear every mile outside my window
like the booming music of a party i wasn't invited to

my walls are as bare as my journal
since my mom broke in and saw her worst fears in ink
i don't have any pictures of you because they would be stolen
along with the things i forced myself to stop caring about
as a self defence mechanism

i can't love you in this house
but i can't leave
and when i do the memories will cling to me
like cobwebs in a place that hasn't been loved for too long

i wonder if i'll ever be able to shake these thoughts from my head

Her eyes were tired from crying

About the voice

of a ghost

in her head.