There is a hole in the deep
through which darkness does seep
far beyond what used to be sane
it now goes with no name

now hidden, long inside a bunker
behind barricades, alone he now hunker
his shields worn to the touch
laid out for everyone to judge

Worn, battered and bruised
the future's once again snoozed
yet still there is hope that remain
for this feeling, he mastered to contain

i have tiny jars that are shelved
perfectly inside my brain
from category a to z,
sorted by themes,
and from one to a hundred
—a scale of how painful
life is in my repetitive experience.

i keep all my memories sealed
like a handful of fireflies shoved in a jar
that only live for three days;
i may forget every scenario with ease
but never the dying flicker—the feeling
that grow dim in each canister.

god, how fragile am i that it only takes
a trigger for each glass to combust tragically,
good thing i'm the only one
who knows how to pull it.
     i wonder which repressed emotions
     are going to choke me violently tonight.

she accepted people’s bad behavior,
because she thought,
they went through  difficult things.
yet, she invalidated her own feelings,
even if she knew what she went through.

i'm sick
             of being
                             mentally ill
       but then
                       what would i write about?

Whos there
Who knocks on this door
Is it me the one screaming?
Or am I this one laughing?
Is that angry person my reflection?
But who is now talking then?
In one body full of emotions
There is no room for me
Though we all love and hurt
There is no room for me
Come and go these dry thoughts
Unable to conceive what's inside
Let's make peace
Let's live together
Someday

I haven't been so sad recently,
which is rare. I had the bad five months last year-
to the point I nearly killed myself.
And now I'm okay, but then it makes me think;
I'm not acting how I should act.
I don't feel like me anymore.
I'm bored,
I don't cry so often,
I feel like I'm wearing new shoes
that are slightly too small, to the point they
rub but don't leave a mark.
I think it's because I got so used to
being let down, that my body automatically
drops me a few stories every couple of weeks.
My eighteenth birthday was bad.
I think I just gave up on birthdays
and to think they used to be my favourite.
Now, I spend my time doing what is asked of me;
go to classes, smile, do work, go home, do homework,
sleep and not dream.
It feels weird.
I don't feel like me;
I want to feel like I'm dying again,
like the world itself is crumbling beneath my feet,
that, if I smile or move a muscle,
my whole being would explode;
shattering thousands with reminders that I was here,
because now I feel empty.
I'd rather feel like death personified
than nothing at all.

Coço a cabeça porque está suja.

Lavo a cabeça, mas não deixa de estar suja.

Por mais que coce e lave não deixa de estar suja.



É porque a sujidade vem de dentro e o cotão é difícil de limpar nos cantos do pensamento

When I was a kid,
And I still am in many senses,
I sat in my room

I stared into the dark and conjured up monsters
I was afraid of them, but they were welcome
If the could play nice

I read books while they watched and threatened me
I played guitar when they'd stop yelling
They would hop on my shoulders
And I'd feel their weight
So, I worked out to make my body stronger

These creatures would get bigger and stronger just like me
At one point they were so strong that I wanted to **** myself at 18
That thought had always lingered though

They dug me a hole and called it a grave
They said they were going to throw me in
And I was terrified by that
And I wanted that feeling to go away

I asked them if they wanted to go for a walk before that happened
Perplexed, they agreed
And we went along

I got to know them and why they wanted these horrible things
They were just as confused about themselves as I was about me

We stood there trying to make sense of us as a group
I realized that we were, in fact, a group
We always have been
We always will be

I'd forgotten that they were just as lonely as I was when I was in my room
I'd forgotten that they forced me to become stronger
I forgave them in that moment
A moment suspended in my reality