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Will I always be this sad?  Maybe
Perhaps. But there is no reason
you cannot live alongside it,
no thing stopping you from
painting over that chasm with joy

chasm: “a deep fissure in the earth, rock, or another surface.”

Yes, maybe it will always be there, even
‘probably’
But your body is made of earth
and no one is stopping you from
tossing a rope to the bottom;
from climbing down
and planting flowers

—this place, too
            we could make beautiful

.
Cindy 57m
It's like the egg shells
have voices.
They quietly yell at me
whenever I try and make
sense of their shape.

I can't question anything.
If I do, he gets a sharp tone,
and begins to
frantically wave a knife at me.
Reminding me that I have issues.
Pointing out that
I like to cause issues.

I'm scared.

Frightened of the
unknown
of what's known
and of the knife and the man
behind it.
He makes me
go silent.
He yells,
stop panicking!
you're always making
issues!
Stop questioning why I carry a knife!

I hate myself
because I've made him
carry a knife...
and I'm always the reason why he's waving it around.
C 2h
I wonder if I will let myself eat cake on my birthday?
I don’t want 25 to be the year that I waste away.


Every sprinkle

is a number,

every morsel

fuels my hunger.


In the mirror,
stands my executioner.
Day three of swallowing the guilt
“They tell me to fear the homeless in LA but I do not. They say women alone at night should not be out, but I have my dogs, and we frequent empty parks after dark, side-by-side with encampments, and we watch (my dogs and I) the homeless cart their belongs by. Well, my dog barks.

They hand me giant jugs over chin-high fences, to ask if I would fill them; their freshest water exists from a dog park spout. Last week I saw a man struggling to press a cardboard slat into the grate of an open sewage pipe, his secret resting place. About a month before, a man with all his worldly belongings strewn along the plastic floor of a porta-***** so smeared in ****t, you’d not dare touch a square inch. Rain was pouring, and he needed to sleep with a roof.

And I think, I am not so different from them. Me, with my white skin and pretty smile; people treat you nicer when you’re pretty. When you can put a face on and say straight-sounding things, and not speak of months spent living in your car, sleeping on street-sides, praying for no cops. Or of deep pain——no, do not speak of that. Too much pain makes people afraid, makes people want to look away. How no one noticed the man hiding his face in the sewage drain, the man sleeping in the ****t-smeared porta-toilet,   because   every   person   noticed,   and   just   decided   not   to   look.

and I think about      how many false narratives are propagated by fear——“
There are thousands of frogs waking up in the forest behind my house
A choral cacophony erupting from the bog
Like them, I'm starting to thaw
Soon I will bellow my song at the heavens
Just because I can feel I'm alive
I, too, have been in stasis
Frozen beneath the moss and rock
Stopped my heart, and forgot to live
It took the smallest amount of warmth to remind me
I want to do more than just survive
I want to open my mouth wide
Guzzle down every drop of life
Leap to the next footing
Come alive under the full moon
Feast on all the morsels around me
Savoring every speck
I want to live
Stunted, the same, by
          highs
            and
           lows
           alike.
A jubilant parade inside
           some nights.
Silver linings? Ticking timebombs! Infinite splinters!
No good time left unexploded.
Rusted blood iron and red wine
filling my eyes.
          Tired of feeling "weird."
          Tired of know I'm being.

I wish I wanted anything in a way that didn't
                              scare me.
I wish I could love anything in ways that
                            couldn't hurt--
                           --inward or out--

                    I wish...
                    I think...
If I sit on this bench...for a long time,
and keep perfectly still...but make subtle
                    eye contact
          with some of the crows...
they'll accept me as one of them?

                    Teach me to fly
                    Or, at least, hide
                       in plain sight.
        A new vocabulary for my quiet
              when it starts to get mean.

Entangled, alike, by
          lows
          and
          highs,
         the same.
Convenient jailbreak for a Name--
               --Say it.
Chewing paper? Eat the playbook. Shred this formula.
No good night goes unpunished.
Rusted blood in my mouth, and red wine--
crying outside
                    Tired of being fragile
                    Tired of knowing I know.

                   And how 'bout the crows?

                   I'm good for a laugh, they suppose.
Kai 1d
I want every poem to be about you.
Love, hate, lust and in between.
I want every picture burnt, I want your heart
Torn out, I want to say goodnight
To bones and kiss your skull.

Every poem is about you.
Love, hate, lust and pain.

And I cannot express a thing, it eats me up
Beyond belief.
To love you is a sacrifice I make, because
I **** myself in the process, and when my organs spill out,
My heart drops first and breathes
Your name,
Over and over and over and over and over
Just inspired by the saying "my heart beats your name" :)
Do you ever feel like your story is being written for you?
Maybe that’s why I write—
because when I look down, at least I know it’s mine.

How did I get so lost,
so far from what was once so bright?

Page after page keeps turning,
but my pen ran out of ink long ago.
Time keeps passing,
but the story unfolding isn’t me.

Maybe my story was never mine.
Maybe it belongs to someone else.
Maybe I’m just a book collecting dust
on a stranger’s shelf.

Maybe that’s why I write—
so that somewhere, buried in those pages,
there is at least one part
that is undeniably mine.
Emilia 3d
The taste of blood is like rust
Its inky black
running down the side of my cheeks from my hollow heavy eyes

The smell of shadows is like death
Dark and stale and cold, freezing my stone heart heart to my lungs

The feel of dark sharp black lines, is sharp and stinging
It overwhelms my head and floods my mind till all I can do is cry

And then the blood flows freely from my eyes
The blood of the taste of rust

Shadowless forms come and call me
They think that they shine
They think they have body’s of light and hollows of gold
But they really have horns and tails with sharp spines

They never wonder what it is, whipping at their backs
Yet when the call to me
There tails spear my chest, and leave me bleeding dark sharp lines

The lines that overwhelm my head
and flood my mind until all I can do is cry
Then the blood flows freely from my eyes
The blood of the taste of rust

Then when I come to my place called home
I can feel the shadows breathing in all of the air that is supposed to be mine
Growing bigger and bigger
Like the shadowless forms that come and call me
That whip me with their tails
Making me bleed dark sharp lines
That feel so heavy that all I can do is cry
And the blood starts to flow from my eyes
The blood of the taste of rust
Some may feel that their body is not what it should be. That their blood tastes like rust, that the shadows around them smell like death, that they are filled with dark sharp lines that will overtake them at any minute. To those some, know that there will always be another like you, and that we will never all feel perfect and that no matter how broken you may feel, or how broken the shadowless figures are making you, you are here for a reason. You always will be, the world will never feel the same without you in it.
bella 3d
She stands like a tree in autumn’s embrace, Golden leaves falling, shattered in grace.
Each broken piece catches the light, A quiet beauty, fragile but bright.

Yet weren’t they lovelier when they were whole? Before the cold air whispered its toll?
A breath of frost, sharp and unkind,
The ghost of her past still trailing behind.

The river hums with a story untold, Its waters deep, relentless, cold.
It sings of wounds she hides so well,
A silent storm, a private hell.

She has friends, or so she claims, Yet loneliness calls her by name.
Her silence lingers, soft but strong,
Like autumn days, both short and long.

But when the river’s wind takes flight, Rustling leaves in the dead of night,
Her soul, so quiet, starts to scream—
A soundless echo, lost in a dream.

She was never meant for autumn’s sorrow, She was meant for spring, for a brighter tomorrow.
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