I don't deserve you
I don't see how I would
There's many things you do
That I couldn't begin to repay
Like
The smile you force upon me
I couldn't give you one half as big
The full feeling you give me
I'd only be a false half
The way you supercharge my heart
Yours probably slows down
I want to be in your embrace
You probably withdraw from the thought
Your laugh giving me such joy
Mine scratching your ears
I want to hold your hands
Your hands get uncomfortable at the idea
Thinking of us together a dream
You think of it as a nightmare
You make me feel less than a failure
I'm just another person
I love seeing your texts
You probably could care less
You make everything feel amazing
I'm probably a sour taste to you
I don't deserve a relationship with you
You're to good for me

A contract with a God I signed
A contract with the wide skies
I was a knot - all tense and *******

And I came happily undone
and it feels this twitch is the toll
Hey you ******! Whoever you are
I am neutering you, I am keeping you down
I'm marching for the Sun
Was it Prometheus or was it God?
I paid the price full for those
hidden magic pills
This is the small penalty for being free
Dystonia - for a perfect fit

my lips are coated in dust from centuries of silence
cobwebs lace between my eyelashes from decades of darkness
the spiders who made them have moved on or died long ago
the dead ones curled up
rigor mortis in my ears
my flesh decays
i no longer remember when the crows last came to feast
before the rotting began
i do, however, remember that i was once alive
and had been when i was buried here

i was taken from my home, wrenched from my bed in the middle of the night
by six hulking figures that wore my face
icy cold hands with vice like grips around my wrists, throat, and ankles dragged me through the dark and empty streets, silent but for my screams
they did not answer when i asked them what they wanted
they did not listen when i pleaded for my life

the sun was beginning to rise as we arrived at my tomb
they released me and i stood to face them
my back to the black entrance
i knew in my heart that i was meant never to feel the warmth of another day
they would not let me, and i was not strong enough to take them all on
knowing this, tears fell from my captors’ eyes and mine
i turned and walked inside, my final act of free will
the figures watched

time passed
hours turned to days, which began to fade, like my memory of colors
i have since lost track of time, having no light or method with which to keep it
i can only assume it has been a while, whatever that means

i have stopped wondering why i am here
the wondering without answers would have driven me mad

would have driven me mad

would have driven me mad

would have driven me mad

You tell me you love me
(No one loves me)
You tell me people care
(I am alone)
You say I am beautiful
(I am ugly)
You tell me it gets better
(It won’t)

I never believe you that it gets better
But it always does

clarity is costly
and people seem to pay
tending to their mind
they lose it!

you wanna **** yourself
so they put you where you'd rather die
where the fluorescents hum
and your life becomes eggshell, white
with pills you're fed
that make you emulate death
and the dead

eyes, that stare out
but barely do they do
and more oft, rarely too
instead, they turn within
and do as the dead

Some people know what it’s like
To feel a knot in the back of your throat
To feel that knot untying, loosening a seam
To know that there’s a hole  
To try and fill that hole
To know that there’s a hole that cannot be filled
To try and fill that hole.

Some people know what it’s like
To feel that brief blissful void
To know the release into nothingness
To think without weight
Only to become heavier.

Some people know what it’s like,
To want to be like them
To wait to be like them
To try to be like them, effortlessly
To fail to be like them, painstakingly.

And some People know, they are not alone

flew off to see
what the galaxy had for me
sailed away on this black sea
losing more and more gravity

i felt it in my stomach
when blue faded to black
the aliens assured me i’d love it
cold press of knife in my back

there’s madness here
playing in the emptiness
and i’ve got nothing to hear
but its sweet consonance

spent my life on a moonbeam
but it’s getting lonely
i want to believe in beauty
below the stars