Nothing goes my way
Everything is wrong
My world is crumbling
This is Hell
Let me leave
My mind is Hell
I'm ready to go
Go where?
Don't let me go insane
I'm scared.

growing up has been holding eulogies
for the people that i used to be
maybe that’s why i’ve been wearing black
since i was bruise kneed and fourteen
when i look in the mirror i don’t
recognize the girl i see but when she
stares back there’s a sort of comfort,
in her hunger pain frame...
grown out of the cracks of the city
like a **** on the sidewalk—
surviving despite being stepped on.

when i was older i knew who i was,
bright eyed and bushy tailed,
bruising my lungs with the songs i’ve sung
in sacrifice for this body is a temple but it
is far from sacred and i am the god to
whom it is devoted.

it’s raining salt like sunday nights,
self doubt and sea water,
everything i could be escapes from my
mouth faster than i can breathe—
i woke up tired seven years ago
and i haven’t recovered since.  

i wear myself like my second best skin,
we are the mask and the wearer
and every me is me
the past is just as infinite as the future
but i’ve been holding eulogies since i was fourteen
and mourning is always harder on monday’s when everything is new but me.

— when i was older

It leaves its handprints on all that I see,
and tarnishes all I touch with poison
Feeds depression like a maggot, to deepen
this cursed mire that is my place to be
It snatches my thoughts away from all glee,
and I wish I would vanish, be hidden
And alone long for a secret Eden,
for a decade it has tormented me

It told me: ”You will never have a hand
to hold, nor starry eyes to madly love
Alone you'll stay, you're too broken, cautious
Your spirit forever burns with my brand,
there will be no olive branch, no sweet dove”
Thus spoke the cold, dead void called Loneliness

There is a killer on the loose who threatens to **** you mentally,

He has no compassion, no love, and no sympathy.

The killer knows no limits on the age of his victims,

He targets anyone who will allow him to afflict them.

He tortures his victims first with words of self hate,

He then moves on to self harm until he knows they are ready to break.

He leaves his victims feeling hopeless, loveless, and ashamed,

He marvels at the thought of his victims taking all the blame.

He speaks words of discouragement, hatred, and negativity,

He holds his victims minds in extreme and harsh captivity.

When his victims try to seek help, He blocks all of their attempts,

He never wants his victims to ever become exempt.

He loves how his victims continue to spread his name,

His name is Depression and He wants more victims to claim.

there was a girl who was tired from working too much.
she pleaded for the work to stop but it just kept coming.
drowning, drowning she felt like she couldn’t even breathe.
sleep didn’t even help her escape the immense responsibilities she had on her shoulders.

they keep coming.
they keep pummeling her.
they keep asking more of her.

she is spending herself.
she is spent.
she is exhausted.
she needs a break.
she needs to rest.

but rest is elusive.
she can’t stop working.
she has to keep on working and keep on going.
staying strong?
what does that even mean.

strength is all she has.
she relies on herself alone.

sometimes
I wake up and can't shake the feeling
the feeling when you're at the fair
slowly going up a roller coaster
teetering at the top

or the flutter you get at the pit of your stomach
butterflies eager to leave and
confess
your love?

little aches and pains
pizzicato my body
origin unknown
and unwilling to leave

I can't shake
the feeling that
that I'm forgetting something
that
I have to finish by tomorrow and I can't rest until I do because then who knows what will happen and the unknown is scary and
uncertain?

no
maybe it's all in my head.

yes
the doctors say
it's all in my head.