i am made of every person i have met,
and every person i will meet.

some are and will be kisses on cheeks,
others are and will be cuts.

i just hope
those that scar will stop pinching as i move.

Is this the hardest thing I’ve ever done?
Watching us crumble,
The foundation we built
Now cracked,
Splintered,
Like my heart.

Heartbreak isn't new,
But not like this -
I’m shattered and wrecked.

You're my confidant,
My mpenzi,
My darling,
My handsome man,
My kindhearted super achiever,
Joyful, yet so melancholic
Emotional, yet so light-hearted
Strong,
And Vulnerable,
Brave,
But also so afraid,
What are you so afraid of, darling?

I wanted to shield you from the hurt,
Seeing you break shattered me in ways I couldn’t express.
My tears never came,
Only the sharp, silent ache,
A dagger twisting deep within.

Why do we have to say goodbye?
You belong in my heart
And I in yours.

I don’t know what comes next,
But I wish we could turn back -
Undo this hurt.

Yet, I wonder: do you truly love me?
Or are you afraid to admit it,
Caught in a complicated web?

Still, I love you,
Beyond all doubt.

day after day
time passing through,

thought after thought
they're all about you.

Mr. permanent resident
inside my head

I built you a castle,
made you a bed
and each night
I watch you
laying your head
on or memories and you cover yourself
with my love

you can’t say
you’ve lived

until you’ve
truly tried.

you can’t say
you gave it your
all

until you’ve
given everything
you’ve got

and fight.

[…]

years spent,
paralyzed

tired of myself,
everyone else,
and all the lies

i spent my days
wondering,

will
somebody help
me

before i meet
my demise?

neon sunset,
fade to black,

black and white
silhouettes dancing,

overexposed memories attack,
reminding me of a time

when i was barely alive.

(somebody help me
before i meet my
demise.)

two years in,
i can imagine

a life without
you in it.

for too long
you held on
like a ghost,

a hellish prison.

never letting go,
never setting me
free.

but i learned to
move forward
without you.

i learned to
break the chains.

like a dream,
a wake-up call,
a realization:

how many times
do i have to
hurt before

i’m accepted
for who i am?

Locked within these walls, my days slip away
Apathetic to the world's concerns, it seems I've lost my way
Drifting aimlessly in an abyss of despair
Each passing moment thickens the air

In countless notes, I sought the words to express my soul
Yet, on paper, they vanished, leaving me empty and cold
With tear-stained cheeks, the ink faded from my grasp
Unable to hold the pen, my heart dampened like a fallen leaf's gasp

The piles of paper, reminders of my futile attempt
I discarded them all, seeking solace in my final ascent
Perched on a ledge, restlessness consumes my being
Only photos on my phone, preserving memories I'm leaving

The image of your departing silhouette etched in my mind
The door you exited without farewell, the last mark I find
Beyond that threshold, I am ready to embrace the unknown
With weary eyes, I yearn for the day when you and I are again sown.

twelve years ago
a very long time ago
I was just a kid then
(not that I'm any better now)
and love was something new

it felt thrilling, exciting
a young kid entering junior high
I knew most of the kids in my class
every introduction is welcomed
with rapturous claps

but one girl, shy as she was,
charmed me to my bones
she was already taller than me
her skin fairer than the noon sun

it must've been a scene from a movie
for the wind blew her hair about
like a goddess arriving on earth
her smile made me dizzy

God blessed me with a reciprocated love
like a sun-kissed, graceful dove
I jumped like a fool when she accepted me
the date never eludes my mind, it was November three

Alas, I was just a foolish kid then
(not that I'm any better now)
we were happy, if only for a short while
as happy as puppy love could be

her lips did touch my cheek
followed by a quick escape on her part
youthful love, my first love
Gods, we were happy then
she and I,
and maybe everyone...

don't blame me;
a man can only look back
when his future is uncertain
so, allow me this one time

to reminisce
to seek hope
to remember

what I used to be
and what I can be...

The closest I'll get to almost opening
That infamous browser app
The one shaped like a stamp
On my LG enV Touch
The wavy blue thumbnail
That one
Or the rotating Earth
The one led by an arrow
On another LG
It's a flip phone
I don't know the name
But the first one I had
I might add
I just did
It's been added
Is probably opening apps
That alert other people
To my sleeping habits
It's five o'clock
I'm out back smoking
And check Instagram
Then remember my mom
Asking me why I'm up
On her schedule
And swipe up as if
She'd be charged for that ****
And she is
What an angel for paying
For me to have
PHONE
Not the same as it was
Frantically tapping before I'm punished
Or I have to say why I did what I did
Same and not in some ways
But as close as I'll get