I hate this pill,
I hate these meds,
"Don't forget! Don't forget!!"
If you don't take them,
You're a disgrace to this earth,
Such a terrible person you are a scar on this earth.
But if you remember, like you can never,
That capsule will absorb all feeling.
It's not my heart that doesn't work,
It's these stupid medicine measurements.
Why do I have to either go through hell,
Or put everyone I love through it.
How is that fair?
I guess it's not.
Life *****, but I don't want it to end,
I'm still waiting to feel reality,
When does this wear off?
Will I ever stop being an actor,

And just be me?

it's just a bitter pill to swallow
one that should fix my mind
one that should make me happy
one that should make me kind

it's just 150 MLs of drugs
to put you to sleep
we've prescribed these pills
so that none of your problems leak

it's just a pill case that's bursting at the seams
no problem, no sweat
these pills are supposed to make me see nothing but smiley faces
but i still feel nothing but dread

if the prescription doesn't work
should we up the dose
or should we stop
because my mental health is a budding rose
making me want to drop

the pills have stopped working
well, i guess they never did
but i don't want to concern the doctors
so it's always something i've hid

pretend i'm doing okay
say that i feel fine
they write it down in their little note pad
i hope they don't know that i'm lying
i hope they don't know that i'm crying
i hope they don't know that i'm dying
every second i'm alive

if they could read my thoughts
would they send me to the hospital for the second time?
because if they do
i'll stay silent...
like a mime

no words
just like last time
running out of rhymes
so i guess i won't speak
poetry is how i talk

I feel cold
Thinking about what the stars foretold,
It is inevitable
One day you'll leave me alone.

I had my meds ready
And my tissues are plenty;
How much tears will I shed?
I hope it helps, the scenarios in my head.

Overthinking is a curse
But it does mitigate the worse
The darkness was my bit of light, isn't it ironic—
It's like having a villain save everyone's life... isn't that iconic.

How twisted my world
It gave me the cure even before the disease do unfold;
Tonight it's cold
Without a blanket I curved into a ball
Thinking about the sad things that seems probable.

every once in awhile
I start to wonder if I’m really depressed after all,
then I realize
the meds are working

it was simply
silent
Something never before touched
hearing the pitter without echoes on your skin
but not deafening
without millions of howls
not crippling
without thousands of demands
it was simply
walks along the sand with nothing to hear
but his heartbeat
and my own
except I was doing laundry
and the waves were simply constructed

I would say ecstasy but that’s the wrong prescription

here we go again
the feeling of not feeling
the music without melody
the poem without metre

it all swims in my head devoid of emotion
these stanzas, those paragraphs, those conversations, that knowledge
they swirl and they shimmer but where has the tone gone
those non-verbal shades just evaporate like water

dickens, tolkien, tolstoy, plath
mozart, sheeran, queen, presley
van gogh, hirst, dalí, ito
nothing but noise when your heart isn't in it

now down some pills
write it down
go to sleep
and repeat this tomorrow.

In 2009, The american disaster film "2012" was released.
Preparing for "The End of The World" was easy.

A piece of cardboard at a Red Light.


"2012 The End Is Nigh, What's a dollar?"


We might as well have smiled, given a friendly wave,
honked our horns like we were passing the Freeport Flag Ladies.


In 2012, I was in high school with my first job.

I didn't care that In the twinkling of an eye,

we were gonna hear God's last trumpet.

On Rapture-Eve, I set out "Milk N' Cookies" for the "Left-behind"

I left next mornings outfit on the side of the road as if Angels abducted me ****-*** naked mid-stride

Turns out, the red light never turned green.

The "left-behind" kept breeding

and Hell on earth just kept recruiting

Now it's 2020,

The Freeport Flag Ladies are in Quarantine,

the signs have needles in our eyelids like mechanical spiders,

You can't even turn the news off now,

I pick it up at CVS Like a Controlled substance prescription.

They make you call in once a month to get it refilled.

Some how my amazing wife Amy and I

Not only survived the rapture,
we brought a brand new life into it.

For 10 days we were locked in a hospital

We never looked at the news.

The world melted away as we danced together

Waiting to meet our little miracle.

After Amy was whisked away for intensive surgery
and survived the most unspeakably amazing thing in the world
a nurse eventually grabbed me and asked if I wanted to meet my daughter,
I was guided to a baby table

with knobs, meters, heat lamps,

and on a tiny cushion

in a tiny plastic crib,

My daughter.


Sophia Naomi Mae Coulombe.


wide eyed

staring into my pupils

wiggling

perfect

Now we are home.

No nurses, no IV.

Somehow it feels like the end of the world and all it's chaos
was the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Everything happened exactly when it needed too.


We couldn't have had better timing

if God planned it.

It’s funny really
How I know the names of my poisons
Most people never know what they drank
Until it’s too late
But I take mine with food twice a day
Maybe that means I’m mad

Lights haven’t looked like this
Since I was in my teens
Messing around with my hood rat friends
*** and amphetamines

I took a handful of Blue Dolphins
That were thirteen bucks a pop
If we bought ‘em in bulk, I guess
As we did more often than not

Or maybe a few of the triple stacks
Red something-or-others, I think
They didn’t work on me this time around
‘Cause I threw ‘em up in the sink

Now I am in my thirties
And my scripts **** with my brain
I know I am speeding my ***** off
But at least I feel like old times again