I never knew how many goodbyes
I'd said
Before you became distant
My friend
And looking from the distance
That has been built between
Us
I feel a void present.

Your lack of response was a sign.
A game of checkers to bid the time.
However you can only play with two
And I...
Have always been one
And alone.

And yet you begin to replicate yourself,
Until I see you in many
Different yet the same.
Your eyes distant
Your smile not yet expressed with
All of your heart.
It's no surprise that
This wall is here.
Thank you for your time.

I don't want to look upon you from a
Distance so far.
The void can be discarded.
Forgotten.
And yet you stand there
And my thumbs hover over you;
Not yet registering
What my mind speaks.

Can I really say
You..
were once a friend?
An acqu~~~~~~~~
Just like most.

And am I my own acqu~~~~~~~~?

What use is the hand that reaches out
Stroking frozen walls and
Directing my gaze.

When I say I like him means,
despite my fear of heights,
I will fall for him blindfolded from any height

When I say I like him means,
Though I hate goat cheese,
I would eat it just to spend my time with him at the dining

When I say I like him means,
Despite my fright of speed
I would sit in a race car with him

When I say I like him means,
Though I am scared of darkness
I would walk miles at night just to have a glimpse of him

When I say I like him means,
Despite my impatience
I would wait for days, for him to text back, Because I know how busy he is

When I say I like him means
If he says his favorite color is blue
My wardrobe will change till every color of my dress matches to his taste

When I say I like him means
I look at his pictures 1000 times
And search for that glimpse of his fondness

When I say I like him means
I would go over his text messages over and over
To picture his mood in my head,  when he sent me those messages and for that one word where he might have confessed that he likes me too

Accept the flaws in myself,
lasso the breadth
of my errors
with no regret.

I believe there's a switch
where the matter
lives in a state
of yes or no.

Commit to the wind in word,
I won't wrestle
control from
anyone but me,
and my worst self.

Empathy on high,
Sympathy on low,
Compassion on,
for transparency.
Compassion off,
for sympathy play.

I am not a means,
I am a world.

My worth
is not measured
in the weight
of my faith in
and the care I take
of others.