being awake at 4 am
I thought of everything
and yet nothing was in my mind.

I looked out the window
at a world half sleep
dreaming and still dreamless.

everything was timeless,
a world hung in-between
everything and nothing all.

I existed,
and yet I didn't.

yesterday had gone
but today wasn't here yet.
so where was I?
who was I?

I was meaningless
but I could still be defined.
I was everyone and everything,
and yet, no one and nothing.

for in those moments,
I was infinite.

All I have are the footprints that show where I have been.
Passing natures beauty and all the faces that I have seen.

The empty road ahead seems darker than it ever has before.
My mind whispers to me that it cant do this life much more.

I have seen the things aplenty and I am tired of the view.
My days are filled with replay and there is never any new.

I'm not afraid to end it and it certainly holds little fright.
Yet I see others fighting to survive so to end it cant be right.

A sense of being trapped like a mouse treading upon a wheel.
Just knowing that until the last I breathe that this how I will feel.

Do you know these feelings and the empty lonely days?
To wake upon to the morning to curse the suns new shinning rays?

Like you I know not when or if this today will be my last.
But I wont mourn a life of no future and of only never ending past.

Tired of the expectations of what life compels each and all to do...
And loneliest of all my empty days no one dear to say "I love you".

My life is but a long memory of someone no longer there.
I who have no purpose, destined to vanish as if smoke upon the air.

The words mean nothing
As I try to fill my writing full of emotion
And nothing can lift me up
Let alone drag me down
There is nothing I can do
To describe the meaningless words
But write down some more
Nothing has any meaning
Not a single word

It hurts me to say
To bring myself to this grim truth
But it hurts me to be here sitting next to you
My meaningless words
Are not just on paper
But the garbled speech coming out of my mouth
And I couldn't say anything to you
Nothing at all
But I was hoping to say just one thing
I'm sorry for my meaningless words
I'm sorry for everything I've done
I wish that I never done anything at all

Meaningless noise finds my ears
swimming words
Images flying
Eyes crying
I hold tight to my wrists
Clutch my head
My ears too
Let my voice whisper
"Stop, please."
As the thoughts and memories
Travel into my mind
They double down
Scream them away in my head
People watch
As my eyes go wide, and my head spins
Cover my eyes
As the tears fall one by one
Such dutiful soldiers
People advert they're eyes, in respect
and I fall apart