When I’ve gone to my reward
And finally my tale is told
Folks will gather and hopefully say
He died of being old.

When under the influence of drink
I might have died of driving my car
Or that time I hit on a local cop
In what I thought was a gay bar.
I could have died taking some drugs
Some stranger gave to me one night
With some of the junk going around then
I would have gone down without a fight.

And when I’ve gone to my reward
And finally my tale is told
Folks will gather and hopefully say
He died of being old.

I tailgated, I walked dark streets late
I had a smart mouth, unwise and loud.
I ignored good advice to my misfortune
Because I was too callow and proud.
I might have bought the whole farm
By sneaking texting while I was driving.
So many times I stacked the deck
Against myself ultimately surviving.

And when I’ve gone to my reward
And finally my tale is told
Folks will gather and hopefully say
He died of being old.

Never have I let a black cat get in my way,
Never have I turned a horseshoe upside-down,
And never have I looked at a broken mirror;
But yet it seems like black cats insist on getting in my way,
Horseshoes turn themselves upside-down,
And mirrors break themselves, to give me bad luck.

“Don't sweep the floor at night if you don't want to sweep away the fortune,”
“Don't open an umbrella while you're still inside, if you don't want to attract trouble;”
That's what they all say.
But it seems like no matter what I do,
Good luck and good fortune really want to stay away from me,
And misfortune and disaster really want to chase after me.

Every incident turns into accident.
No, it can't be just a coincidence.
I'm jinxed, vexed, and hexed.
Call me anything you want,
It won't change the fact;
I'm hoodooed, and voodooed, and cursed.

But the fortune teller never told me about
How fate would suddenly be on my side this time.
She read my palm
And looked at her crystal ball,
But all she saw
Was my ill-fated future.

But now the wheel of fortune has finally spun;
The one on the bottom is finally on top.
I guess this is the effect of karma.
Destiny has finally decided
To give me something I need more than anything,
And it's none other than a lucky charm.

This lucky charm cannot be worn like a ring, bracelet, or an amulet;
And cannot be stolen like a gem or a stone.
It's something that I am the only one who possess;
For it is not an object, but a person instead.
He's not a genie, a wizard, or anyone who can grant any wish;
Just an ordinary person, with an extraordinary magic.

Bad luck is my twin;
We're together through thick and thin.
But when I'm with him,
It's as if good luck is also with me.
Because he can make such an unfortunate person
Feel even luckier than a lucky charm.

It's odd to think of how much time I spend working out a mental fallacy or problem in my head or on paper and then it's just gone. It's like a rhetorical analysis and my life is a story.

Today i was struggling a tad about spending this weekend at my boyfriend's and him not spending too much time with me. But immediately afterward, I summed that yes, he's happy to see me, but I was the one who asked to visit and he already had plans of things to do. So Though he appreciated my company, he has others things to do and enjoy as well.

This is not OUR weekend or holiday. I am just participating in it.

It was like this welling emotion of hurt suddenly was alleviated, knowing that it was not about shirking me; it was about getting things he had already endeavored to do done.

Thinking gets me to many better places than places I previously was before.

I solve a lot of my own problems staring at a screen and typing them out, or just staring and thinking in general. It gets me through issues that don't need to be issues. Its just my chemical imbalances ramping up small emotions that need not be catastrophic, but can sometimes turn to be.

Similarly, I've solved why I'm an extrovert writer. My only friends were people in stories, and though I adore human energy and potential, real human beings do not compare to the neatness and logic of story characters. They can both feel as real, but real people can change on a dime, or be growthless, or waste their time and learn nothing.

In a story we'd call that unrealistic.

So I'm content being around people, feeding off their glorious energy, but also fine not being too interactive at all times. I can hear voices in movies, I can meet people in stories. I can suffice on the people between pages, and also the people out of pages who feel strong and real and connective to me.

Thinking and reflecting is one of my strongest traits. Telling my therapist about this trait was one of the first times I realized my possible brilliance. I told her I reflect and work out problems with myself, as it was the only way I figured out how to live when things were worst, and she was stunned. She says that trait, one used to often, can sometimes be attributed to genius.

Understandably, I was also stunned.

Reflecting on reflecting even feels rejuvenating. I am so proud of this skill, the skill that kept me alive and now is helping me learn to be self-sufficient. The growth is exponential. The usability is astounding.

I feel so lucky to be able to have it.

Your truly beautiful pretty amazing woman I'm truly lucky to have you have a woman like you inside my heart I'm truly lucky your beauty so perfect every woman would dream of your beauty your truly beautiful pretty perfect little gorgeous princess I'm truly lucky to have a perfect woman like you inside my heart I truly love you.

You led me to safety, with white knuckles and wobbling knees

No matter your state of being you always put my peace of mind first

You were open and straightforward, telling me every word of your life story, omitting no nitty gritty details

You told me you were only honest with me

And I had no reason to think differently

But if that's true, I think there might be more to pursue, I think we might be exploring the wrong avenues

I admire so much about you, your generosity, your intentions, your honesty and ambitions

You are my safety net, an angel on request

You are dependability when no one has stepped up yet

You're one of the best I know, and I'm so glad to have you in my life, no matter what's in between the lines.

I won't long for more than I have, because not many are lucky enough to have a friend as good as mine.

I am a firm believer
That those who are meant to be in your life
Always have a tendency
Of coming back.

And I am lucky
To have found
Someone like you,
Who wants to stick around.

Attempt:
An act of trying to achieve something.
A week ago today, I attempted
I attempted to leave
To breathe.
I got slammed in a mental hospital
The first day felt like a year
But then your life drifts away
Day by day
They blend.
Those places drive you to insanity.
I am lucky to be alive.
I have dealt with so many tears and worries and nerves in the past 24 hours.
My brother got a tat of my name on his arm.
My 12 year old cousin cried while she hugged me for 10 minutes.
My dad broke down.
“Baby I just can't lose you”
“We are just so scared”
“Don't ever do that to me again”
I matter to alot of people and I just am starting to figure that out.
I need to learn how to matter to myself
I am attempting to get better
I have hope that I can do it
Achieve:
A thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage, or skill.