no, i dont need the fancy lights and studio lights.
no, i dont need the cheering crowd, the rushing sound, bursting loud.
no, i dont need the big halls, and palace *****, and studded jewels and rings.
no, i dont need people with the same beliefs.
no, i dont need a cheerful heart or a forced one.
no, i dont need a perfect home or a  have to have  ice cream every day at home.
no, i dont need a brain of intelligence or the wisdom of an owl
no, i dont need to frost the broken heart, or to force myself to light up a broken heart.

to praise the King.

He makes my heart light up.
He is where i want to be with.
His presence is better than being a heir to an earthly throne.
He is willing to be with me when I am lonely.
He is all I need.

I want to smash this whiskey bottle
On the floor
And roll around in the mess
Then maybe
It will burn like it's meant to

Listen to my prayer, Lord! Do not let me perish!
I need you as my teammate whom I deeply cherish!
Don't let the good remain unpaid and be envious
in this greedy world where everything is perfidious!

Help me, Lord, to stay for eternity in your cathedral!
Let me see my children well, protect them from evil!
Do not let them fall into the panic of this society,
but to trust, to believe in high-aspirations with piety!

Raise me up, Lord, pick my heart up from the floor!
Don't let my words be spoken for nothing, like before!
Give my mother and my sister good health, if you could,
to see them happy here in my neighborhood!

Catch me, Lord, if I should ever fall again!
Do not let me get into dreadful Satan's hell!
Leave me here with my both feet on the ground,
let me see the denouement of my life! Now I'm found!

Teach me, Lord, the secret of two gathered hands!
Touch my soul with prayers that are so intense!
Have mercy on me, give me strength to bear my cross,
to find out where peace and serenity are! Not to get lost!

Mouth. Voice. Hesitant. Flesh vs Spirit.
Fear vs Love.
If only I could stop letting the lizard step on the plans God has for me.
If only he could stop conducting the ochestra in my head. To play the music he wants to hear.
Help me see past the nice wrapped empty boxes. What if the cardboard boxes out of view kept bars of silver, marble and gold. Or something even better.
If only I could stop riding on marble waves, and drown in deep. To have been surrounded by your Love. Mercy. Grace.
Maybe I don't know the plans, but you showed me pieces, cassate tapes, videos of what your plan is for me.
Show me more.
Show me pictures of your majesty.
Movies of what is a Godly family.
Help me get past this.
Open up my heart.
Force open it.
I want to give you the keys. You know my secrets, my dreams.
You take care of me in my sleep...
Lord, my family, my friends.
Help me with my insecurities...

From a far-off land.
He wasn't popular.
She wasn't liked.
He was weak.
She was always tired.
He was a runt.
She was called a '****'.
They were never in a team, when the kids played football.
They were pushed when they ran.
They were unloved, pushed around.
Left alone in the canteen.
Where they sat in the seats with dust.
Yet. They were called.
From the heavens.
God called. How could someone so broken like them. Be loved?
But people like them learnt to love others.
But people like them are humbled and was willing to learn.
But people like them were broken so that they can be made stronger.
It was nothing about them though.
Nothing about if they would fail or not.
It was.... Nothing about others too.
It was about God.
He called them his children.
And so does me and you. :)

I'm so sick and tired of trying...
                                          Anything I try to accomplish leaves me dying

I hate this frustration... I hate this urge...
                  God, I'm waiting... I'm trying... This feeling I want to  purge

What do you want? What is it I need to do???
        I feel so lost... so far gone on the path I need to be on... I've been removed...

Can you see my trembling hands?... That are too heavy to lift?
               They are chained to the edge... This wasn't what I wished...

My stomach is ******* in knots... My body is ripping apart
Lord...YOU PUT THE SOUND IN THIS BEATING LIVING HEART

I AM SO SHAKE'N I am grasping on to the edge.... and I can't see the bottom
You tell me to let go.... and I stare at you with wide eyes... "What's the problem?"

My hands are being scratched as I try to hold on....bleeding and fading...
"I can't see the bottom... what if I don't survive when I reach it?" My body was shaking...

"I'll be there to catch you..." "Will it hurt? Lord, I'm so scared... Don't let me go.."
"My child... look... and believe.. and trust me... let go.."

I cried out... trembling in fear... so terrified.. wishing to live.
but at the same time... wishing I could die away to escape this pain... let it give...

"Let go...." "God...No...please no..." I begged, in a soft helpless voice...
You kneel down to me, my body slowly slipping away into the challenge of darkness. "Fine... You leave me no choice..."

You cut the chains... and watch me fall...
I found myself screaming... as I curled pathetically into a ball...

I whimpered... as my hair stood on end and entangled its self into a snarled web.
The speed of winds suffocate my nostrils, the free fall of emptiness hugged me "There is no hope..." it said

Am I the name of conflict? Why does it feel like I'm stuck into this eternal free fall of the same emotion?
The color never changes... only the shadows around me seem to be growing darker and closer with every motion...

"Lord... YOU SAID YOU WOULD CATCH ME!!!! SO WHERE ARE YOU!?!"
I cry as this vertical hole began to enclose and grow thinner... and there's nothing I can do...

Banged... Scrapped... Bruised... Injured... from my body forcefully going down this narrow hole...
Blood blocking my vision... wanting to die just to escape this torment... wanting to take back control...

I'm blacking out... let me see the light again... although all of this hurts... and it feels like it's all getting worse...
it's worth going through... because, Lord... I know you'll catch me... and build me back up...but stronger... through this one Hell of a course...

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                                            PLEASE CATCH ME
         I may not understand... and I may lose a limb or two...
I may want to die... I may not understand... but I won't stop..I trust
                                                       YOU!!

its not that i hate or hated you.
its not that i didn't loved you or the other way round.
its not that you hated me.
not even because you hated me for no reason.
its not that you disappointed me.

its about me disappointing you.
the fear the weight.
its about me being weak, not being strong enough.
its about me saying "I am not stupid." Because somewhere, deed inside, says that I am.

But you said it about you.
it was and would always be how powerful you are.
it was and would always be how mighty you are.
of how you are the creator.
about how the rock was Jesus.
about how i can hold onto the miracles and things you did for me, but trust in you and speak to that rock. that i may enter into your promise for me.

it didnt  matter how weak i was. or how i think i am weak.
it didnt matter if i was gonna disappoint you or not.
it was about you not about me.