i wonder how
these love poems fade,
slither like snakes
from my mumbly mouth
and into your soft ears.

you are ten thousand miles away.
and i wake up to your midnight,
but there is no smoother sound
than your wholesome
hearty voice
whispering
"what's for breakfast?"

there is no time.
for when you are tired -
sweat dripping from your small forehead -
it is time
for the wind to pull me out the door.

so rest, little dove
close your eyes.
you know so little of
how deeply mine heart cries.

When we are together
We strip down to the bone
When we are apart
I never think I’m alone
It’s the way we live
Taking chances
With love
With loss
If it happens
If it doesn’t
We don’t seem to care
But we do

We have all the time we need
We will live forever
Young at heart
Hearing songs that never fade
That’s how we keep the sun from setting
Listening to a song that never ends
Still the highway seems empty tonight
While my bones ache inside

So many times I play with fate
I believe in it too much
Nobody knocks on the door
You have to buy a ticket
If you’re going to win a prize

Then you said why didn’t you call me
How can I know what’s right
I love you so much when you’re gone
But now you’re here
All we have are questions
I don’t know my love
We have the nerve to bruise our bones
But not to share our hearts

We sit behind dull lit screens,
Pixelated faces; pixelated dreams.
I wish you were here physically, my friend
To snuggle with, to hug, to laugh with, and to kiss...
"Fish lips!"
Until our paths cross again at your parents house in November.

I am thankful for technology.


© Jo Tomso

maybe all our wasted days will add up to this:
bruised knuckles
and
swear words
and
"i love you so much it's killing me"

we wanted to build something that would last,
something that would whittle away at time,
even after our bones melt into ashes,
and only a tombstone remembers our names

but darling, we were never destined to be permanent;
we were uprooted by our own volatile mouths
that would spit enough fire
to destroy anything we constructed

so, we created desperation and goodbye letters
written with shaking hands
neither of us would claim as our own

we built cities out of scar tissue and left them to rot

i think about you all the time.

even when i'm asleep, i dream about your
fingerprints
and the way you snore,

and i have sad dreams where you tell me
that the sun rises & sets for us,
that western cities call to us,
and that june draws near.

but i wake up and cry without knowing why.

i think about you when i'm at work,
and when i'm on the train,
and when i'm watching racing droplets on the taxi cab window,
pretending we're the droplet that's going to make it to the edge.

and i think about you when i'm ordering coffee.
you like drinking it black because you think it makes you seem cool, and i tell you that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard - "you're basically drinking hot bean water then!" -
as i pour cream and sugar into mine, i glance up to see you smirking at me, lovingly.
nobody does that to me anymore, especially not when disagreeing.

i think about you when i'm washing my hair,
and when i stand in front of the closet,
and try to find a shirt i haven't yet worn with you.
it's a pointless exercise; they all have your scent on them.

i think about you when i'm making dinner,
and sometimes, it just hits me out of nowhere.
that i'm here, and you're there,
and my hands shake so much i have to put the dishes down.

it would probably be easier to not think of you at all,
to not be so familiar with how your fingers feel on my hips,
to forget the way you brush my hair every night before bed.

but i find myself deciding that i would rather know those things
and be in pain from the knowledge of your existence apart from me,
than to not know you at all.

I don't think anyone
Truly realizes how hard
A long distance relationship is;
At least, not until
They're in one.

I feel so disconnected
Trying to reach out to my closest friends
is now a multi-step chore.
And I hope for them, I haven't become a bore.
I hope these cables and signals keep us from drifting apart
because if that ever happened, it'd break my heart
to know that you don't want me around.
It feels like you wouldn't care if I were laying in the ground.
All I ask is how you've been
But all I get in return is that you're nowhere to be seen
anywhere on my feeds,
on my dashboards, no texts to read.
If you don't want to hear from me, that's your choice.
I mean... I guess this distance does damper my voice...
I feel so disconnected.
Maybe this time I've gone in under my head.

we used to sound like
impatient hands
and
sweat stained sheets
now all I hear
are forgotten promises
and
dropped calls

I get it now.
I finally understand what you meant when you told me you loved me the same... Just less.

You compartmentalised our love; it became a box you would open and indulge in while my touch still reminded you of it's power.
You would crack the lid and let it's light pour over you, let it seep into the deepest cracks of your soul and mend them.

Validate you.

But then my fingertips left your skin to trace the lines of this earth and feel the salt of an ocean continents away.
You have forgotten how my love moved mountains for you.
So now I will lose myself in your letters and bask in our memories with a smile, thanking you for our time together.

You will forever be the boy who taught me how to love completely and recklessly before I knew the pain of heartbreak, and I will always love you the same... Just less.