When the day is over and I see the moon shine its light through my window, I feel this overwhelming wave of sadness and loneliness
These painfull thoughts that I'm trying to hopelessly push away, climb back in to my head and begins to drip down my face  as tears
But everytime I see my self come back to these familiar feelings and fill my head with these thoughts of loneliness, I feel in this twisted way more alive than ever

Although the truth probably is
I have never felt loved in my entire life

As my heart pumps this liquid that is filled with pain and thoughts of giving up
As my head wonders
What's the point of meeting new people if   if even I can't stand to look myself
Maybe if I just exist and push through my heart will go numb
Maybe I'm just invisible Maybe we all are
Maybe we see those who we love orhate
Maybe I'm just overthinking
Maybe it's just all in my head
Maybe I will just shut my brain

Maybe I will just end it all someday

But one thing is certain that day is not today

I’m in a room full of people who "love" me
and love each other,
and they’re talking to each other
while I smile, my eyes twitching from face to face,
twiddling my fingers
in an attempt to hold onto something—
to keep me breathing.

I’m in a room full of people who "love" me
and love each other,
and they’re failing to notice
I’m not there.

I’m alone.

Hiding there was little boy, who afraid of dark
As he grew, he understand nothing is blessing and nothing he ever finish was death itself

An olive branch,
in hot September,
on a bridge of embers,
entices the *** to stir.

But her table’s always empty,
even if food was plenty-
too broke, too broken
for any to gather around.

A med concoction,
from no other option,
except the great allure…

A barren planner,
hung on a sun faded wall,
by a nail ripping through
it’s cross-stitched heart.

This is what reminds her-
Reminds her she’s all alone.

My friend is coming today.
No—my friend is coming tomorrow.
My daddy says so.

Dad says the house must be clean,
or my friend can’t come.
He is coming tomorrow—he really is.

The vacuum only holds so much.
I work all day.
My friend is coming today.
No—my friend is coming tomorrow.
My daddy says so.

But it’s not clean.
I sweep and sweep—maybe I weep.
The tears stain. It’s not clean.

My friend is coming today.
No—my friend is coming tomorrow.
My daddy says so.
As soon as it’s clean.

I put my toys away.
I stack and stack,
boxed and neat.
But I imagine a game.
I play alone—still make a stain.

My friend is coming today.
No—my friend is coming tomorrow.
My daddy says so.
As soon as it’s clean.
Yet I’m still playing alone

"im lonely, so lonely."
the saphire cries.
"the moon is dark, gone frome the skies."
she glistens and sharpens in her hue.

"if only, if only"
the gemstones reply
"you would be moved, we could see your eye"
they believe a change is due

yes only, if only, the change would come

I was a kaleidoscope

Every hope,faith

I made symmetrical pattern

Yet I know nothing

I Saw the world through
magnified lens,
Microfying lense

Before I knew to pronounce letters greater than five

Yet I know nothing

The power to completely
detach from my soul

Yet be Completely entwined

The web of veins
That cannot function
without the other
Yet I know nothing

Pain far worse
Worse than shrivel of knives
Scattered through all my senses
Yet I know nothing

The vastnes of pain
Each knowledge it comes with
I've been through it
Understood it
Empathatise it
Yet I know nothing

Yes I am That kaleidoscope
My limitation is only war
A defect I'm happy with

I spend many days
trying to sum up emotions
what do they equal to?
Feeling so much, and then so little,
I secure my belt
as I sit on this ride
these contradictions
blindside, and whiplash me.
But that's just life isn't it?
Peaceful, but frightful
joyful, but lonely...
I imagine that's an emotion
most people feel.
There's a longing so strong
I can almost touch it,
but it's not here.
And because of that my eyes are blurred
unable to see the beauty around me
even if there is just me
and things don't add up.