Vices hold me in a grip
living is a f*cked up game,
I mash buttons
until I bend and flip
breakdown, take another hit:
I’ve relinquished
my prime of life
wishing it was
someone else’s fault
that I’m stranded on this island,
this is why I succumb to
vices

It started as a wild ride
that turned into the spins
a religion of motion sickness,
wanting to stop
but always caving in:
it spirals through my mind
filling damage to the brim
emotions are meant
to process here,
now they only
dissipate in chagrin,
as rueful ignorance catapults
this living hell to
greater heights
without having to lift a finger:
my self-inflicted violence,
a byproduct of
vices

Left with no
rationale to care,
only a small bend in time
where the spindle
came undone;
it's here I revel in
self-despair,
as a loser who
always failed to listen,
a captain without a vision
ready to drown in
cognitive dissonance
because it’s easier
to believe a lie
than to accept how life is:
where are my
vices?

god, i feel so unpretty
out of everyone's league
twenty-thousand pressing on top of me.

perhaps they are all too intimidated
by the siren who sinks, ill-fated
cursed by fatal beauty that leaves them fixated.

yet none brave the dive
seeing what may reside
in the depths of the briny tide
of my soul.

Your friends acknowledge my insecurity
Late-night talks about your history
And the pretty girls before me
"You see him too much,
You take him away from us"
Why am I there?
And why would I care?
Maybe I am a phase,
Slowly I will fade.

I am someone who—
Anyone can rely on,
A shoulder to cry on,
A sail to carry them on,
Through the worst of times,
Any time.
But when it’s my turn
To face the tide,
There’s no one by my side.

I have a heart—
That can forgive anyone and anything,
Any number of times,
Over and over.
But never once could it forgive,
If it was I who made the mistake.

There is a kind of suffering too deep for words,
a weight that settles in the bones,
dragging the soul into an abyss where even despair has lost its voice.
You wake, you breathe, you move—
but it is not living. It is merely the absence of death.

Nothing matters.
Not love, not laughter, not the sun rising over the rooftops.
You watch the world as if from behind a glass,
separated, untouched,
a ghost among the living.

You search for meaning,
as a man drowning in the ocean searches for land.
But there is none—only an endless stretch of water,
only the slow pull of the tide.

And so you sink, without struggle, without protest.
Because what is there left to hold onto,
when even the suffering has become dull?

Lonely

Can I be vulnerable for a
Second
Is the microphone on
Is everyone paying attention
You in the corner
Put down your phone
I want to talk about
What it’s like to always feel…
Stop tapping
Your fingers
You can spare a few seconds
This won’t be boring
It’s not a mathematics
Lesson
Oh my
Don’t roll your eyes
Why are you getting up to leave
Come back
Please listen to me.

Ugh I got dressed up
In bright red even
And everyone’s looking
At me like I’m a heathen.
Ok deep breaths
Lately I’ve been feeling
Extremely stressed
Oh my,
Not again
Stop whispering to your
Friend!
I’m over here
Please spare me just five
Seconds?
Does this whole room
Not know how to listen?
No I’m sweating,
I’m stuttering,
The room goes dark.
Stop! help!
They’re quenching my spark.

I walk right out the front door
Not even through the back
My eyes all big
Like I’m having a
Panic attack.
No one even asks
Why I’m leaving so early
They’re too busy
Refilling their drinks.
This is my life
Over and over again
Doesn’t matter
That I have so many “friends”
Being invisible
When will this end.

I am the Pisces, suffocating beneath the weight of my own sorrow.
You watch as I fight against waves that crush the will from my bones,
A fish whose scales are heavy with despair,
Whose heart is a shattered thing, lost in the vast, unforgiving deep.
Each breath I take is a revolt against this abyss,
But each breath is a futile attempt to resist the inevitable.

You call my name, beg me to stay—
But the current is merciless, pulling me into the blackened void.
I swim in circles, drowning in a silence that devours,
As the water fills my lungs with its cold, endless ache.
The world above is a distant, forgotten dream,
One I can no longer reach, no longer want.

I am the Pisces, swallowed whole by my own darkness,
A soul unraveling beneath the surface.
Your hands cannot break the tide,
For I have already surrendered.
It is too late. The ocean has claimed me.

There once was a man from Tyrone
Who spent all his time all alone:
     It got on his nerves,
     And he wanted some curves,
So he Frankensteined a female clone.