Hey grandpa,
It’s been a hot minute huh?

I’m growing up,
But its not all ‘thumbs-up.’

Ive heard so little
About your curious life.

I wish we met,
Before you left.

An amazing editor
That I admire.

How I miss you!

Even though,
In the photo’s,

You seem to be,
So very tired.

Tell the moon
Forget to sleep
Wrap me up
With your warm embrace
Raindrops on my window pane
I am home
Safe and sound
With tired eyes
I say "C'est l'amour"

fingers intertwined
with laughter combined
nothing keeps me safe
with you beside me underneath the sheets
Our legs intertwined
Whispering casual talks
Merging our minds
With something serene yet so vibrant
You scream in color and that is something
Wirth staying, worth living,
worth breathing.

Ok love hear me out, I know it doesn't matter anymore but I am writing this message when I have no hope left or whatsoever. You have your reasons to be I had mine. For a time I thought by forgetting the past we can move on, these past days felt exactly how I wanted our relationship to be. I never said you or made you realise how much hurt was I at times and I was okay with it because I had you and I will always put you first over anything even if it means work, yes work and at times you knew how much you meant to me over anything. I find myself in the scariest places I have put myself through the hell of trying to win this losing relationship but i feel it's been going nowhere at all as you have made up your mind cause that's what you asked me, in mind it was okay if I lose. there's no purpose in living i feel when I can't even feel anything I have been dead inside before and I know how worse does that feel, lately my emotions are detached and i feel tangled up like wires, chaos within. Our call that night, thank you you were there with me but that's how I feel exactly every moment, dead.
On that video call where we didn't talk I was looking at you and I don't know what your eyes usually tell others but right then you gave away a secret I learnt to say "I know". I will be always be with a tagline 'Let me feel again, Anything. Everything. Please. I will take it all.' and you understood me. 2020 has been a struggle as you can say, but for me, particularly, it's been a struggle everyday. I believed in you with my everything and I don't blame you for anything. Last time I needed time I sat in a place of peace and sweetness, and my thoughts about you and us became poetry but, the moment I came back it was too late and you were gone. Love, I write this to say that I love you and always will, and to prove it, I could end myself but  it's not that I'm scared, but i would end myself, not knowing, if you smiled, when you knew, i loved you more than myself. Love, I have to thank you for everything everyday no need to go into detail and you know now without explaining I am what I feel. Currently empty, like a plant left over. Love, you are my sunflower, warm, yellow blooming joy infectious as sunshine which puts a smile over my face, golden in the light and my perfection. No matter what you will be growing through my heart, warm with happiness and love. You were my sigh of relief and now you're gone and I’m sitting here gasping for air. My eyes have dried with the tears I've cried and now I am empty, I've got nothing to give and now I am done, I've got nothing to look upto. I'm fine, if not completely at the moment, I will be, sometime later. I love you and take care, Yours soon to be unknown.

My Dearest Molly Anne,
I hope you are now satisfied
With the sinking bags under my eyes and
The empty gap between my thighs, I hope
You know I can no longer sleep
Without you to rock me through the slow-rolling lake,
And sing your song of a thousand sheep.
You've started throwing
Thick red waves into my sink and
Messed with my ability to think and
Darling, you pull me
Under miles and miles of freezing sea
And you take and you take,
Never satisfied.

I give you the freedom
to interpret “We” in general
or as just Us
two

may your Intimacies show you
what will guide my pendants
of thought kindlings.
I leave it undisclosed  too.

We are evanescent, Juliet.
Yet complete in how shattered we are.
A fractal.
We can’t trace our fingers over tangible frames of the ways of Connections,
clogs of the paths
Love cracks
from what we believe we have already surpassed.
We know we have no capacity of learning with clear logic
how We work,
what Philia makes of Us
and what we make of it,
how the seeds of uncertain Passions
find their way through
and out of Us.

It is indeed a huge insecurity of ours:
trying to find, trace
(on a lone garden wall
made of bricks and creepers),
and keep in our fragile handling
what these feverishness coming
out of hand do with us.

But then we
stand behind the other
(optionally or not: of our self still),
in the same way
uncovered,
insecure
and trembling
if I make it right, or rather we make it right.

The hands of both parties come
in one click and then
though we accost errors
we make our perfectly imperfect
clingings with some glass in that wall
as we again and again come
and will come into
lessons,
which seem new
but stay one and the same

or saddened by the world ideas that will keep on putting us through questioning “Who am I?”
with our silences filled with answers
that we will keep on becoming
and accomplishing without ever taking sentient notice.

I take you as we are.
You take me as we are.
We stay strong in that pair
of trembling hands that
though they do not know
what is ahead of them
or already as Them
when it comes to Love
or any pure emotional arousal
we make of ideas, we accept it.

We won’t ever encompass it
but it encompasses us.
We welcome how much we don’t understand
our bodies or how all of that
and even more flows
and will flow,
we are it,
teary from resilience.

Errors - not
Broken - not
Nought these names made up for perceiving *** and bodies,
these measly words as enough as one isolation to a whole abandoned waiting room at now

I stay in full apprehension and readiness
of what I come to exist
as and what feeling becomes me,
I won’t chain myself to
the scheme we might draw
with chalk on that garden wall.

And be that too alongside please,
simply of.

I am, will be there,
standing,
unpassing,
going through all the same strangenesses
alike,
yet kissing each
and every one
on their ivory breathing ribs,
because they only seem
to be deformed
and at unease.

I will stay in Love.
I will stay outside of it.
Without naming it or putting it
to any formality

let all these questions be a waterfall on you and welcome each and every one of them.

We don’t have to understand them.
We just will be.
We will stay as questions and just let it be. We don’t have to be apart.
We don’t have to be bound for eternity
with pacts or our bodies entangled.

I simplistically. approach.
these hurt questions with a stupefying tenderness of giving
each and every one of them
a chance to.
A thin line of peach freeze.
Sentinels of senses themselves, my arousals of then.
Phronemophilia stays unswayed. I am still in the same bliss.
Let see where we as consciences will grow and shape to.

In the end
it is seen
that loving anyone or anything
was only the pathway to solely harbouring ourselves and Love itself.
It is unchanginly It.
Same verily sacrum in choice of

then

now

lest ever.

When you said you loved the darkness inside-
I never thought
Id watch
as
it
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You....