I'd like to say
If I'd have stayed
I wouldn't be here now
But truthfully
Inquiring
Will only sink me down
Pass memories
That mock and tease
Ulysses' siren song
The jagged rocks
Seductive talks
Carry my soul along

im at the point of my life
where im just going with the flow
im neither happy or sad
i just feel alone

everyone around me
seems to have it figured out
yet here i am
just trying to get by

this isn’t the life i imagined to have
my anxiety is taking over me
and making things harder than it should be

i just want someone to tell me that it’s going to be okay
but here i am alone
facing everything all by myself

im alive yet i feel so dead
ive never felt this way
uninspired and so unmotivated
i feel like nothing’s going right

i am lost and alone
in this big world full of people
this is not how i imagined life
can someone please tell me that everything is going to be okay?

It's not cool that you did that,
why are you always contradicting yourself, on purpose?

When im anxious
I want to drink
I want to cut my wrists
Release these stressful thoughts
In the form of
Whiskey
and blood

I took some Ativan
Ive been prescribed
longer than a normal person should
Because its a benzo
And that ***** addicting
And I know that
Because I have a nursing degree

But still I think about mixing
The benzo
And the whiskey
With some blood
When im anxious

Because when im anxious
Rational thought
Is a thing in the past
Gasping for air
Feels like choking on glass
I am now physically sick
But my doctor insists
"Its just stress"

When Im anxious
I think about killing myself
But wouldnt that be typical?
Follow in his footsteps.
I can hear the chatter now
"She was never going to make it"
"Why would she do that to herself?"

Is this real?
Or my paranoia?
Because when im anxious
It all feels the same

I think I would die in vain
If I take my life
When im anxious

Sometimes I just like to chill with the lights low and turn on some sad songs and just cry my *** off

Mixed emotions are coming through.
And I have to stay fit, can’t let them know I’m feeling blue.

I stay in character, and I stay okay.
But deep down inside, I think I’m starting to decay.

They ask me how I’m doing, if I’m feeling fine. I keep a smile on my face, but what they don’t know, it’s a big lie.

Fighting the tears and the sorrow everyday. I try so hard to keep up in this earthly play.

But I think we all are, and that makes me feel sane. That the whole world is also, feeling this pain.

they say the gods grant you
a wish if you build a thousand
origami paper cranes
I have built a million of them
using the finest coloured paper
from stalks of bamboo written in ink
each flies with a wish I've made
hundreds with the same whisper
that you'll find me again someday
they say good things come to those
who spare the life of a spider
I've spared every spider I have ever seen
since I was six years old, I was careful
talked to them often, quietly
so they wouldn't be lonely like me
gave them droplets of water late at night
and asked them if they would help me
find you again some day, too
now, good luck visits me late at dusk
when I dream of your countenance
my reward is the sweetest night
bliss at the moonlight against your softness
though I wake, alone once more

At the edge of the wood
And draw maps of what we believe
Our anatomies will look like
Before and after the war

sometimes I wonder,
sometimes way to late at night.
I think about my plunder,
and my life before I had any real sight.
I ponder the actual point,
of life, god, and love.
I think about the way that life always blunders along,
a never ending train, and a never ending song.
when we fade away from time, from minds across the worlds.
I wonder if the earth remembers all our crimes,
from breaking hearts to stealing pearls,
we're all guilty from budding till we curl.
In many ways we're a flower,
in many ways we're not.
I wonder what they're seeing
and I wonder what their not.
i guess they wonder too, about life. probably a lot