I turn myself inside out with the truths
They destroy with ease
It leads me to one thought every time
Full circle and I'm begging, I'm begging for mercy, I'm begging to be done with it
I don't have to feel this way, I don't have to hurt everyday
I don't have to be here, do this ****
I don't have to live with all this, I could have peace, I could have non existence
I come to these conclusions, all the pain could be gone, I, there could be no 'I'
And I beg
Please

I'm done
Someone **** me

This isn't me anymore.
These limbs, this body, all broken, all useless,
know not of my life nor how I live.
These lungs don't know my breath or the way it sounds to lose it.
I don't want to be reduced to this waste of blood and dust.
The scars across my hips exist to prove myself separate,
If the body bleeds it cannot possibly be mine.

I am goddess, I am infinite,
I exist in the sound of fireworks shooting off long past the 4th of July,
Loud, wild, and constant.
The 4th star from the moon is where my soul lives,
especially on the days that I cannot bear to see this planet's sin.
They forget that I don't belong here.

My teeth are made of sparklers and the fire I speak when angry makes you think me beautiful the way I crackle and glow.
I am cracking, and the dull color of my own demise is stealing the beauty from my skin.
The way they speak to me, like I am eggshell, so white; too pure for this life, leads me to believe that I cannot stay here.

I am fragile and strong all at once; nobody knows which side of me to rely on for fear of being the reason I crumble.
I am crumbling.
I fear that there is no cookie-sweet deliciousness to distract from this decay, yet no one seems to notice me.

I am as trapped as I am free.
Earth the place I can no longer be.
This nonexistent existence is my skeleton key.
Death my locked-door opportunity.

I feel nothing but dead,
with every ounce of strength left in my head,
so ******* **** me,

so my body,
can match how I've been feeling,


feeling that never seem to go away,
no matter how many petty wishes you make,
on stars and dreams you know in the end,

all are just ******* fakes,
but you still wish,

because sometime you hope and pray,
that one of these times,
that one ******* day,

you wish at the right moment,
and the **** you need happens,

but I still live by everything happens for a reasons,
so I am not supposed to cut my cord,
but you could cut it for me,

thats the loop hole,
in the death tolls system,

10:17
and it's already a bad night.
not gonna lie it could probably
top the charts
for one of the worst.

it started out as just some tears.
and then the gasping for breathe.
and then mentally close up my throat--
giving myself a real challenge to breathe.
and then i start getting physical chest pains.
because my chest is so used to going up to bring air in and back down to let that **** out.
real bad chest aches.
so i tried banging on my chest.
you know, givin it a little kick to work.
and i knew my chest hurt on the inside.
and i could feel my chest hurt on the outside now-- probably from my punches.
and then i started to notice
it felt good.*
so i kept hitting.
and hitting.
all while i'm trying to breathe.
but my mind won't let me.
i begin to use all of my energy.
i'm trying to rip off all of my skin.
and get rid of every place i've been touched.
i had to have been making some progress.
being that i felt the skin under my nails.
and i could feel every body part inflaming.
so i kept going.
and going.
but then i must've started to shut down.
mentally and physically i think.
idk it's all a blur.
i think i lost my vision for a little.
and probably my hearing.
either that or my six minute song skipped the middle three.
idk i'm still so unsure.*
but to say the least i collapsed.
physically for sure.
because i was on the ground.
and all i wanted was to go lower.
imagine this:
i'm crumpled up.
laying on my bottom floor.
begging god.
to let me go just two yards deeper.

please, god.
just let me go.
six feet under.

I can feel my bones shattering slowly under my own weight.
I haven't eaten in four days and I've only drank water when I'm having it forced down my throat by my Mother.
My heart hurts my chest with each throb, and I curl over in pain when I'm in bed.

Stuck in fetal position in the bathtub with the now-cold-water cascading over my body.
Each breath is now a sob and my body shakes from the cold and the uncontrollable tears.

I haven't bothered to brush my hair or wear actual clothes.
I've worn the same outfit for about a week now.
The same old gray sweats with unknown stains on them, matched with a black tank top with a large bleach stain on the back.
My breath probably also reeks because I've been to lazy to brush my teeth.
The only reason I shower is because my Mother drags me to the bathroom.
She doesn't want me to get more sick.

I can tell she's worried for me.
She's told the whole family what's wrong with me.
I've overheard her talking on the phone about me from my room, while she was in the living-room.
I'm surprised she hasn't called the police yet to bring me to a hospital.

I don't need a hospital anyways.
All I need is him
But of course that is no longer an option.
He's abandoned me.
Left me for dead.

He's known the affect he has on me for over a year now.
Of course he still uses it against me.
But it's too late now.
I was just his toy that he could mess around with.
And he's thrown me out into the trash.
Like every other toy that people get tired of.

I need to rid myself of these feelings.
It's dragging me down to hell.
It has affected my whole life.
I've decided to be finished with it.
I no longer want to live like this.
And I won't.

I'll bring death to myself
So I no longer have to live this way.

Goodnight my sweet dark prince
And whisper to me as I sleep.

For this time I may offer myself to you
With silver and scarlet

But take pity on me for I must be fixed
I've been broken like a window and a stone

If you don't come to me then I'll
Run to you because...

I need the extra push off the ledge
To fix me so that I can truly smile

I'll give myself to you completely and
willing even gladly

I'm tired and I'm ready to sleep
In my bed of black six feet underground

So Goodnight my sweet dark prine
And kiss me goodnight on my last night of eternity