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Lauren Dec 2018
I am not jack,
This is not jacks conscience.
I cannot get sick and **** jack,
I have come for you.
I create problems, sometimes i create appropriate solutions, just enough so that you think you are still a good person
I don’t want the army of followers,
This is between you and me.
This ends today.
You had no way of knowing this was coming,
Of course, another part of you always knew.
Jack Jenkins Dec 2018
Quiet breathing overshadowed by a pounding heart
leaves my ears deafened and I slowly fall apart

Weakened with extra haste to die and find peace
clay ankles weren't meant to hold a heart of stone

A heart selfless at one time but given too freely
to the wolves that desire only the flesh

Now I sit with loneliness and reminisce
about the lovers that were eventually a lie

Now I sit with loneliness and confess
there is no more heart for me to give
//On anxiety//
Thorns Nov 2018
Shy Girl hides beneath her hood

Her hair covers her face

Her headphones blare a beautiful sound

Protecting her from this evil place

She is lonely

Mistreated

And loved only one guy

Who killed her inside

Her soul is dark

Crawling with demons and rage

At war with herself

"Which wolf will win? Good or bad? The one you feed."

If you had a heart you'd end her suffering

She hides this all inside

On the outside it's just Shy Girl
I stay hidden beneath the drapes of sight.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
I used to think I saw life through a cracked lens
Until I saw life looking back with a cracked grin
A wicked smirk
Telling me "If you think you can conquer me,
I have set a curse for every breath you breathe.
I have poisoned every good thing."

So let me ask you this one thing:
If everyone's been through this pain
Why does it seem like nobody can relate?
Everyone says this hurt will heal
Glazed over eyes and halfhearted sympathies don't fly

Lovers are lies with improvised whys
of why they leave you left with a hatred of love
Hate is safer than love these days
It doesn't leave you lost in a maze
Just strays you in a haze of cliches

So tell me what's the point of living when death is our final destination?
Why is it a crime to want to leave the inevitable prematurely?
Why are tears shed for the ones who don't have to endure this "gift" called
Life?
//On life//
Broken heart, nihilism, depression, all mixed in with faith and love made this poem possible.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
---
You are the echoes haunting through my halls
You are the lost treasure of my heart
You are deeply missed
---
I scream that I'm sorry
I know it won't cross the ocean
I resign myself to this hell I've chosen
---
//On her//
No regrets, I don't want to change the past. I just dream of a future I can't have.
I miss her.
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
We met
We grew
We loved
We stalled
We fell apart
We're alone

At least I am
I hope you're not
I hope you're happy
Because I missed you happy
I hope you're in love
Real love for a change
I hope you're not stuck
Because you deserve the best

Hungover was the only way
To wake up this morning
Because **** I miss you
Everyday
And I wonder if I cross your mind
I think I do
But are they happy memories
Or just a mistake you don't want to think about?

So for the millionth time
I'm sorry
I know the wind won't carry it across an ocean
But I'm sorry
Pour one out for us
The memory of what we were
Tomorrow I'll be okay
But today you're on my mind
//On her//
Jack Jenkins Nov 2018
I woke up heavy
a thousand blank pages on my mind
a million words buried in stunted overgrowth

I woke up heavy
with all the voices in my ear
driving daggers through my heart

My eyelids were steel traps
and between dream and reality
my nightmares were in the shadows

I woke up heavy
My lungs filled with smoke
My stomach was full of red fire

I woke up heavy
and for another day
I wish I hadn't
//On anxiety//
Nothing can go wrong and yet you wake up depressed one day.
Bryce Nov 2018
The coca-cola breath!
Flashing lights, tweetie birds, the rough narcotic stench

The sky is devoid, it is scared of the streets etched in starlight, everything shining-- tangerine and Coit and ohhhh boy
don't'cha know what you're in for?

Twilight and she is a figment on my mind
the bark of cigar is fiery opal on my slender frame
I can hear something along the lanes of love
Echoing behind me, the rising sun

Funny dudes in new suits, pressed, steamed, machine-rolled
pills in the pockets
shipped locomotive
Every etching has its china
every etching is porcelain skin
The fog is a silken balloon, unconcerned, wayward
The men longingly abide in its cool, the breath of an over-excited lover, singing in the showerhead an embarrassing microphone
over the west coast

It's all over! it's the end
the roads are devoid of the things that called you
They are a clarion horn on the Claremont, facades etched with windowpanes
here the americans eat tofu and pretend it's bacon

I am in the rapidly rotating spoke, enjoying the taste of woodchuck, upchucking my guts every Sunday, white knuckle-- praying to god
release
release

what a steal that's a fantastic car for the price!
it is only 10 years of payment
only 10!
House worth 40, kids worth 60, medicinal payments
corn flakes
Fortified iron gates and god says,
naw let them all out until they drown,
I'll never flood the earth but I'll make it puddles
and if they want they can lay face down

I am eating Korean stew and wondering what will happen
when unification builds a railroad from Moscow to Busan
I will travel it and write a novel or two
it will be
"On the Railroad"
and start in San Francisco or a little while outside
on an October evening with not a fog in the sky
Just sky, blue, blue sky
A child on the hillside
blowing bubbles in the apartment complex or the gravel mound
next to new homes, now cookiebread gingerbed frames
Doing tricks on BMX bikes, getting our elbows smashed, a designated paramedic
It's all built up now, concrete streets and lonely streetcorner lamps saying
Hey we're gonna light up this little space
Hope you don't mind
Please don't play too loud

And given that these spheroids are monumentally moving
hurling like a pitched water glass
everything staying put under the motion of it
Such a lovely rooting of mass

I will call alongside it, crawling towards answers etching on murals and on the stamping of curbs
E-5 West main
4451 Lowell Street
554 Happy Valley Road
It's all the fun little tributaries of surface waters
heading with precognition towards seas
roped into it by specific gravity

On the phone i spoke to Mr. Victorious
I asked him about his particular drone
down south there in the more direct limelight of the night
he told me about his uncle, in prose
of course
we just hung our heads over the speakerphone
Not sleeping the way we should
shouldering burdens as ***** in deserted zones
laughing and preaching to cottonfields

Then there was the girl
the one we forgot, truth be told
The one unrequited impetus for all art, all physicality and feeling
loved by god in the corporeal
She is the saffron reed in my eye, the one i forgot to preach Victory to
She that one oblong pebble, rolled by the stream
passing our campgrounds and continuing her journey to sands
small little microscopic tetrahedral perfection
I could get stuck in between my teeth
or perhaps left on the sweat of the skin
the lost moments of beachside living, love for the expansiveness, left in the diner seat of the car, gotta keep moving
Carrying her away and if not careful,
nestling her back atop the summits from whence she came.

it is a cola in the glass on the shores of the bay,
it is a divine moment of contact in the oceans
two sailors acknowledging their vessels
with light shows and the play of eye
off the horizon, a green light o' sprite.
Jack Jenkins Oct 2018
Why
I'm tired of telling the millionth person
the same story of how love died
& they pull out a pad and pen
trying to fill in the blank,
cracking the secret formula,
of why it happened:

"You two weren't compatible"

"You need to love yourself more"

"She wasn't the right one for you"

"You weren't the right one for her"

"It was just young love"

"These things just happen"

Everyone has their own perspective on it
& nobody really
listens.

Because I don't need to know why;
if I did I would be stuck in the past,
and trying to fix it.
I'm not.

I just need to know how to keep living
when every time my heart beats
it hurts because the one who I gave it to
is missing from my life

How do I not lose my breath when I think of her?
How do I quit having dreams about her?
How can I move on from losing my best friend because I lost control of my mental health and shut her out?
How does neglect become undone when you are removed from their life?

She was 7 years of happiness in my life; not a long time to many, but remember I am only 23 years old.
I grew into a man with her stitched to my heart.

So please don't try and tell me why it fell apart.
Please just tell her I love her if you see her.
//On her and friends//
I know people want to help, and I'm very grateful for the care so many have for me. It's just insensitive to try and fix someone who is just trying to learn how to move on.
If you really want to know the "why" you'd have to live through it because it is far more complex and nuanced than just filling in a blank like a crossword puzzle.
Jack Jenkins Oct 2018
heavy is the tide
that swallows lungs and organs
depression inside
//On anxiety//
I have all these **** words stuck in my throat but I can only manage to write 11 words.
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