I’m afraid to let people in cos i’ve seen too many go.
I can’t trust your words cos i’ve heard it all before.
From different people
with different stories,
but the same intent.

It all ends the same.
And the honest truth is...
I’m just tired of getting left behind.

Commitment issues
This again?
Yes but this time these are my words
Not the labels thrown at me by exes
Like arrows attempting to pierce me into place
I thought it was meant to trap me
But I think they just wanted me to stop
To think
To really evaluate myself
To see the truth
Im afraid of commitment.

When I've been told this in the past
I read it with the understanding that
Commitment issues meant I
Just couldn't have or didn't want a relationship
And that just couldn't be true
I mean just check my track record

No, see
My having commitment issues
Is rooted deeply within my past
These problems originate in an exciting mix of
Trust issues
Abandonment issues
And a variety of other traumas

I am not afraid to enter relationships
And I do not avoid love
Actually, I am obsessed with finding love
With being loved
All the while trying to love another
Thinking I'm succeeding
While subtly sabotaging myself in the process

When I was small
I did not receive the respect and care
Needed to show I was loved
Though my parent said they cared
They didn't protect me the way they should have
I had to take care of myself
Look out for myself
Because I was the only one I could trust

Anytime I got close to someone
They'd either decide to leave
Or get ripped away by outside forces
I was alone a lot
And not great at making friends
With the abuse happening at one house
And some solace found at the other
I was constantly fluctuating between
Hellhole and liberation
All while trying to have a childhood
And survive adolescence

So when they say I have commitment issues
They're probably right
But not for the reasons they think
Not because I'm polyamorous
Not because I don't want to commit
Not because I don't love and
Not because of who I am as a person
My issues come from a long line of
Different abuses by people who
Were supposed to protect me
But didn't

So if you think to judge me
For the trouble I have with trusting you
And trusting you won't hurt me
Or decide to leave when I'm "too much"
Understand that I did not choose to be like this
I didn't choose the pain that led me to love
In such a haphazard way

But I am choosing to do something about it

You say you're a hopeless romantic
A man that has fallen in love
In love with a simple one night stand
A one night stand you figured you could handle
Rather the inappropriate love lingers
Tied to your mind with every ounce of paranoia
Rattling thoughts of love, lust, and confusion
Is it love?
Is it a future to be had?
Thousands of thoughts, scenarios, actions and complex emotions
What?
What could it all possibly mean?
Sitting there tangled in thoughts of a one night stand
The one you wish to have over and over and over
Till love meets lust
Until you find the meaning of the awkward meeting
Oh, the torment of uncertainty!
It is nothing, but a one
Night
Stand.
If only your obsession with attachment would let you see.

Sometimes the words you say out of love hurt.
Stabbing, cutting words that, underneath their sounds,
Tell me that you don't think I can.
And that is precisely the reason why you only know my facade.

But now that facade is breaking.
Cracks spiderwebbing throughout my arms,
Tears ripping away from my legs,
Chunks missing from my chest, and
If you look closely, you can see the dark empty inside
Through the shattered windows of my eyes.

Soon the facade will crumble away
And you won't know the person in front of you.

Indebted shadows prey on a prayer
They drink up their glories and sins,
While contending for souls so rare
And endow nails upon my skin:

Clever born,
Hearty,
And silver to the bone.
Nevermore,
Sadly,
Now mutely grey in tone.

“Awake!
Arise!
Win our war in Rome!”
They break,
They lie,
And never came home.

Forget
Please never,
This threat
I sever,
Regret?
Too clever
to lie.

Faulty sins hoist a ****** banner
While goodness is only a trend,
And foes are convenient in manner
Convenience: a conclusive friend.

Too clever to lie
What a convenience am I
Am I: your conclusive friend;
Answer as to why
You raise the stakes high
When you have no soul to lend?