like wallflowers growing peacefully,
with asthenic transparency
i perceive everything with eyes so weary
yet pick up the little things even angels cannot see.
leaping from star to star,
yet never knowing where to land,
traveling to places unfamiliar  
casting shadows on every space at hand.

i can't help but wonder how it would feel to exist
with a presence that would linger,
one whose souls would reminisce,
where my voice would echo;
not as a croak of sullen desperation
but a sound that would cut through
the haze of hopelessness.

i would begin to think about the probability
of my misguided existence,

invisible, but sees everything;
no flesh and bone, but is hurting.

If I ran away.....

How long would it take?
Would your heart break?

Could I ever expect,
That this love that isn't a regret.

Something deeper than this,
Anything more than a kiss?

If I ran away
Would you count the day.

I can't return,
For I have a burn.

A belish on this heart
From the love that is too ****

If I runaway.....
Would you even care, anyway?

i see the boy.
the one that runs from me.

the one i can only see
the boy who can't see me

i scream his nameless name in my dreams
why cant he see me?
i can hear him as he speaks

the nameless boy who i cant see
the faceless man who can only see me

i want the man to see me
the illusion of the boy i once was able to see

My name is insignificant
I sit on your bus
Not too far forward
Not too far back
I am awash in the middle
Every day you pass me by
But am I really anything to you
If I were gone, would you
Care?

My name is gray
I am the least of the colors
In the background
You take a picture
Was I there?
Do you even care?

My name is abscence
I creep around the holes of those lost
Maybe they’ll come back tomorrow
Maybe never
Maybe they’re the ones you hope will come back
Maybe theyre the ones you hope never will
I am unwelcome, nonetheless

My name is transparent
Every time someone looks at me
I smile, thinking they’re looking at me
When they actually mean it for the person behind me
I do this every time someone looks
Never realizing no one ever notices me

My name is invisible
Am I here?
You don’t know
Could you see me, if I was?
You think not
No matter where I am
No matter where I go
I am always
Invisible

My name is nothing
I am not here
I am not there
I cannot be anywhere
Yet I am everywhere
I fill the crevice of your heart
I creep around dark corners
I dodge behind trees
Not like you’d notice me
I am nothing, after all

My name is let down
And you don’t want me around
I want to be with you
Don’t you see
But you won’t ever let me be there
I want to ask
“Who can I be?
Who can I be
So you will love me?”
But you can’t answer that
Until I answer for myself

“Who am I?”

Don't hide in the darkness,
and I won't fall to pieces

Don't consume the abysses breath
if you do... it's my shattering that increases

Don't blend into the night sky,
And I'll avoid being invisible to you.

Stop hiding behind me
Cause I'll only let the light through

Wake up from your nightmare
And I'll stop ignoring my reflection

Dont let the demon of shadows consume your bed
And I will not let the ghost break my reality into fractions

My heart of glass... and your heart of shadows
It is the light that defeats us both, so let us, together, follow

Enlighten me darkness,
For you hold the key,
Unlock the chains that restrain me

Darkness my friend,
It’s now time to set me free
Tear down these walls and uncover me,
Let me crawl out of this hole
And uproar the cry of a free soul

Enlighten me darkness,
Let me go my friend
I will never return,
I won’t be blind again

it’s no secret
that i’m short
it’s always been that way
and it will always be that way
stuck at 4’9 forever

and by the laws of physics
or science
or whatever
i don’t really
take up much space

but ever since i was young
i couldn’t help but feel
that i was too much
i took up too much of the room
around me

so a lots of times
there were these thoughts
always playing, like static
telling me how
to take up less space
or make less noise
and become even more
invisible

pull your arms closer
tuck them in your lap
tip toe, so floorboards
don’t creak under your steps
don’t move
keep still
and most definitely
do not let any words slip from your mouth
because any noise, and movement
brings attention
and attention brings judgement
from the people around you
so just blend in
and be invisible
never take up too much space

but that was not living
and i’m sad it’s taken this long to realize
that my existence is too beautiful
to be invisible
and blend in among the crowd
so i will stomp the ground
and shake the earth beneath
i will laugh and
shout and dance
and let everyone know that i am here
because i am worthy
of taking up space
-2/12/2019