I am to blame.


I am to blame for all I have done.
I cannot blame you for the fallen sun.
The rain is not dependent on your independence.
I am to blame for you being gone.


I am to blame for never thinking of you enough.
I am to blame for never loving you truly.
I am to blame; I should have been good.
I am to blame;
You can see right through me.


I have worn a mask to disguise my reflection in the mirror.
It is time to remove the mask;
It is time to see clearer.
The man in the mirror is not a ghost, he is me.
I am to blame for everything.


I am to blame for never changing,
Into what you needed me to be.
I am to blame for you leaving.
I am to blame.
I have to see.
I can no longer blame you,
Because you chose to leave me.


(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

When do you find the urge to write?
Often I am asked
after someone has given a poem or two a pass.
When I need to I reply,
which isn't far from the truth and isn't a lie.

So why now?  
Why continue utterances to crowds of one hundred and ninety six
and feel ashamed when my heart speaks before my filter hits.
I guess it goes back to my urge to write
To let it all out.
I can't bare these feelings alone so I put them out to scouts.
Hoping that someone can see
That I am not the representation of insanity
That I know you want me all to be.

I am afraid.
Like a child in many ways.
I don't enjoy not knowing what's ahead
Which is why I have found myself closer to dead.

I reach too far and I assume
Rain sleet or shine,
Doesn't matter
I won't see flowers bloom.
And this is the persistent gloom.
That weighs on a soul like a scary cartoon.

I had a lot I could have turned out all right.
****, look at my past: one thing I know is fight.
But every battle takes its toll
And exponentially it seems i'm missing the bowl.

Ironically now I am level headed
Clean shaven
Warm
But by no means in heaven.

Perhaps for people like me
Who won't accept mediocrity
There are but few retreats
And hello poetry is a good one for me.

You’ve got more than meets the eyes
You’ve been praying your whole life

And you’ve been saying what socialized
you’ve got no belief and you don’t realize

And how can you wonder why?
Life’s moving faster than our time.
One day you are gonna die.
What will you have left behind?

Don’t say you’re sorry, don’t apologize.
It’s truly not my life to fully recognize.
But take those covers of your heart’s eyes
But when you do, don’t act so surprised

Now you’re not allowed to wonder why
I am just showing the truth where it lies
If it is painful that’s something worth the mind
Just remember not everyone is kind.

Remember not every one is kind
Remember many are still very blind
Remember again not everyone’s kind
Now think of those still in disguise

There are the times you believe in magic for a change
Knowing fully well that magic doesn't exist
Knowing that letting go is not a choice or you're left in a snipers range
Knowing that your demons are innate
Knowing that its time to fight yourself with your own fist.

But listen,
There are times where you don't believe in magic for a change
Not knowing fully well that magic does exist
Not knowing that letting go is the only choice
Not knowing that your demons were never within
Not knowing that it is time to fight for yourself

But whatever it is,
Fight like a curse, until you get it right
Fight with the force of your desires
Fight your storm with the sword of insight
Fight till your visions lite.

                                         - Ola Bajo

i am of an age ...

when hubris cannot be afforded
and perception is informed by experience
when a mind that is questioning is a turn on
yet healthy enough for primal urges

i am of an age

where knowing what i don’t know
fills me with curiosity and wonder
when i have time to look at nature
and think deeply of its beauty

i am of an age

when i know to curb my nostalgia
so not to bore the young
but have a rich past to appreciate
and the bold inspired moves
that made it great

i am of an age

when i can play with my grand daughter
with connection and joy
while seeing the wonder of learning
and the purity of innocence

i am of an age

when the worthy are quickly separated
from the time thieves
who are quickly dispatched
only to give to the worthy

i am of an age

when character and spirit are primary attractions
regardless of any other categorisations
when the soul of another can be seen
and be the most important thing

i am of an age

when i walk the dog
and feel like a boy
when kissing a loved one
makes me feel new

i am of an an age
when i can appreciate you