No boy will ever
want to **** me

if I forget
to put on makeup
in the mornings
lips red as Eve's forbidden fruit
succulent enough to
bite
tongue
devour
go down
cuz my nose don't
look so My-Big-Fat-Greek-Wedding
mountainous-side-profile
when it's caked in highlighter

if I have short hair
because short hair means
I'll look too masculine
in the ninth grade I
had a pixie cut
faith
trust
pixie dust
I could feel
my light burning out

(I never did believe in myself)

if I'm not thin
starve
binge
purge
two finger diet
VSCO diet
have you seen
the lovely girls
on the internet
in their
tight bodysuits
Coke Zero
figures
MVP
VIP
they'll get first access
to his ****


if I'm a *****
cuz how will anyone know
what you've really
got to flaunt
when you have to wear
a uniform to school
frumpy plaid kilt
white polo shirt
every button a barrier
like the notches
on his belt
tie coiled
a noose
around your neck
every casual day
I wear fishnet stockings
***** necklines
with push up bras
even though
I'm already a D
cuz I gotta get that D
gotta compensate
for being a ****** somehow




if I don't shave my
legs
stomach
*****
three days before high school graduation
I bought a thong
and got my first Brazilian wax
even though I didn't have
still don't have
a boyfriend
but I wanted him
to be my boyfriend
thought I should be prepared
thought maybe when he saw me
clad in
cleavage
periwinkle
floor-length gown
blue Converse peeking out
from underneath the tulle
I'd be his
Belle of the Ball
that he'd
take me
**** me

love me

but how could any boy
ever love me
in all of my
warped-perspective
grief-possessive
passive-aggressive
self-ob­sessive
manic-depressive
glory


how could any boy
ever love me
after reading
this poem?

Whilst I was immersed in Bohemian Rhapsody
"Don't forget to smile" reminded me
Though I'm not a fancy, angry lizard
Just want to be a family wizard
Not every bed is green
Not every one is the same Win

He died four years younger than me
Although he left his legacy
I'm just a commoner
Leaving nothing like a pensioner
Only memories will survive when I die
Who will care the existance of mine

Learnt many weird things
I also have some similar stings
I can see his emotional insecurity
Thinking where is my dignity
Easy come, easy go
I am just a poor boy also

If I only want hassle-free
What I have to foresee?
I'm no longer a nominee
I have to be an escapee
Accepted that I'm a divorcee
My mom always says,
"Nothing really matters to me...
to me..."

Afraid to fall in love
And to fall out again.

Afraid to move forward,
To fall down in the end.

Afraid to feel,
To finally get hurt.

Afraid to steal
And not give back your heart.

Afraid to find myself
Then lose it straight again.

Afraid to let love happen
Before it all began.

I just want someone who,
above all,
craves me,
wants me,
desires me
and my perfect imperfections

A passion expressed in love,
not one that turns into insecurity
and disbelief

In her eyes I see
A thousand smiles, I hear
A sad whisper.
When she talks,
She fakes
A few tones of grief.
She tries to make me think,
She is sad so I break
And tell her
Not to fear.
She wants me to be
Her knight when dawn
Is shining at its peak.
She thinks life is
One goodbye
And loads of hellos and come here.
I never cared,
And walked away,
And let sunlight be her escape.
Until one night,
I opened my eyes
And she was not there.
All the smiles were fake
And all the tears were true
But I was fool to think:
All she needs is a knight
To make her fairy tale real -
All it was that she was lost
And in need for a way
To put her pieces back to place.
She died of a disease
I did not think existed:
The disease of lonesome -
And insecurity.

She said, "Don't look at me,"
changing her clothes by the bed.
"I'm fat, and I look bad."
I said, "My girl, it's all in your head.
I'd rather just have you as instead.
There's no best,
no perfect,
but you'd be the closest to deserve it."
Need something to hold onto,
need a body to look at.
Don't want to see your thighs,
since you can't look through.
But, I want something for my hands to hold,
I need something to grab on tightly to.
You don't need clear skin,
because I want to know you're human.
Even a heart stretches and leaves marks.
Everybody's heart is scared.
It's cool because that's beautiful, too.
Oh, no, I don't like it.
I don't like
Skinny Genes.

Green eyes, dark hair, and pink, pink lips
Weak, naive, foolish
No, no, no.
Do not take the softest parts of me and use them as a weapon.
Turning my beauty into thorns for your own satisfaction.
All of my love, all of my trust, all of these treasures I’ve held so tight to since childhood
Nurtured and grew behind walls I opened for you.
You see innocence as a *******. You see love as something that is cold. Something rare and far between.
Oh, but don’t you know? We all loved freely once, before men like you made it seem hopeless.
Took the light and turned it into poison on your tongue.
Love is not a weakness, trust is not naivety, openness is not foolish.
Your fear has warped what others value.
What I value.
No, no, no.
Do not project your insecurities, your lack of passion onto me.
I do not have too much. It is you who has too little.