Every time I swear I'm over it,
Something reminds me
I ain't over ****.

I've come to realize that social media does more harm then good for me.
It makes me covet and envy,
It makes me feel sad and hollow,
I makes me yearn...and wish...and cry,
It's all a mask.
Nobody shows the person that hides in the shadows of the corners of their soul.
And yet It still manages to infect and feed off my fears and insecurities.
So I do what I'm good at.I ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.

i feel very alone in these moments
where i don't know who to talk to,
don't know who's ready for me
or if there's anyone at all who is

times like these make me feel as though
i can help but not be helped and
i shouldn't complain, i'm not lonely
but i'm just feeling so lo

i tell my friends it's just my meds,
the dose just isn't quite right
but what if it's not? what if it's me
and my fear of vulnerability?

please, i don't want you to go
like all the others who came before
listened to me talk, answer their questions
then turned their back on us

i guess the weight of my problems
is part of the cause; i'll never cut
down to the root, because the mass
just sinks it further

and i guess the weight is part of the cause
they choose to sink or swim,
and away they go, fleeing fast
as i tread the water, breathing shallow

How are you?
I don't know...
                                                     Are you okay?
I don't know...
                             please, i'm worried
                             say something?

i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

I don’t feel like myself
                    
            Who do you feel like?
I keep letting you down                        
           You know best
I never wanted to let you down
                                                 what you understand
                                                 what you don't.
                                                          ­                  You have to choose
                                                 what you want to do about it.
I don’t know......

                                           Leave anxiety aside
                                 what do you want to do with your life?
what sort of person will you be?


i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

                                          i think you hate yourself
                         i understand, i hate myself too
                                   but you have to stop hating yourself. 
                           you spend so much energy on it it's absurd

I'm worried that you'd take such ******* seriously and get hurt…


Why?

self pity and self hatred are pointless.

You have a yearning you can't deny

                                  No matter how much you want to

Please don't forget me
Please don't....
Please don't forget me....

I don't hope for anything
But I hope you get your dreams

I wonder where
Have my words gone

Falling short of thoughts
Struggling to find something to say
I achingly try to articulate
Stopping mid sentence--

I miss the poems
The ballads, the prose
The words that flew
From pain, from joy
To sorrowful dark and light jest

I fear I will lose myself
Soon enough...

Will you still speak to me--
Will anyone still speak of me--
When I have nothing to say?
When I have nothing to give?

i want to solve Your problems but
my love can only change so much
my support can only validate so much
my humor can only ease so much
my pride can only deliver so much
and my insecurities interfere so much..

here I am at the edge of this apology
one tap from calling you and telling you how much I miss you.
how my hands are shaky, blocked by my own insecurities
here i am at the bottom of this ***** bottle
tired of being sober
tired of not seeing you
tired of the fact that I let you go
how many times do I have to tell myslef I'll be over you soon
how many prayers do I have to make
my knees are bleeding and my hands are numb
but nothing compares to this ache in my chest
how many nights do I have to miss before i can forget the way you say my name
the way you held my hand,
the way your eyes shudder,
when you held me the first time
our first kiss
i never let any man touch me after you
for I'm afraid that they'll brush your scent off my skin,  
here I am at this cliff where i put you
so high
say it on a loop, like a broken record
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
that my insecurities put us here
that my baggage are just too heavy for you to carry
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
I've been trying to shut this devil in my head
but my flaws blinds me ,
I could only see my scars and I am ashamed , terrified that you'll look away
this skeleton in my closet is my reflection
you don't deserve this bundle of insecurity
I don't deserve you.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
here I am in our favorite place,
coffee cold for the only warmth I want is off your body
here I am at this end of this poetry,
knees on the floor, hands still praying, heart still aching
here I am still,
still so in love with you

Dear anger,
my blood boils
my heart screams
as you make my rage active
and pain passive.

Dear anger,
you put me in danger
for you make me a stranger.
You need to get a grip,
because you make me flip.

Dear anger,
you make everything look so flammable.
Luring me to set my problems on fire.

Pain, insecurities and fears,
I burn it as fuel
to rage you.

I want to believe
that I am still sweet inside,
eventhough I am sad and tired.

But you make me believe
I am someone who inflicts pain,
is cold hearted and fake -
for she is unknown to me.