I wake up every morning,
and I just ignore the sounds,
of the absent ******* echos,
of a mind that’s gone to ground.
The motions are insanity,
that repeat and verberate,
beating voices through my head,
like ragged nails across a slate.
It used to drive me crazy,
now it’s simply just routine,
watching ghosts around me,
as they move through my daily scene.
There you’re making coffee,
and a laugh just filled the hall,
there you’re singing softly,
hanging pictures on the wall.
Then my mind shifts left,
into what I think is true,
but maybe I should lose myself,
and try to interact with you.
I know that’d make me crazy,
but let’s face it I am there.
I’m ignoring what I see,
but perhaps that isn’t fair.
Reality’s a concept,
and I don’t care if it’s not real.
I’d rather love the ghost of you,
than live a life that I can’t feel.
So tomorrow when I see you,
maybe you’ll smile for me,
and we can finally be happy,
at the cost of my sanity.

I've been, losing my mind
Its good some nights, not this time
I've been, trying to find
The sense in **** subdued my mind

So deep, shallow insight
Morals gone, pendulum swings by
I'll breathe, iced outside
Shadowed thoughts oh I'm colour blind
Oh sea

The once wise guy he can't comply it's fear
Self-deceptive, tinnitus in his ear
Disappear

I've been I've been I've been asking WHO AM I?
I've been I've been I've been asking, WHO, AM I?

Saline sea, don't quench our thirst
One man's cure is an others curse
Why me, vast universe
The sane forsaken the strength immersed

Align the rails that shake
Misunderstood defines insane
Sky reach, far as ****, mate
State of mind, oh mines a state

Find me, the great escape
Ascend from cave, illuminate
Dividing, what's fear what's fake
I fear whats here's not helping
Its my restraint

The once wise guy he can't comply, it's fear
Self-deceptive, tinnitus in his ear
Disappear

I'll smile as I walk by, agree with lies lose the tick of time
I'll smile as I walk by, agree with lies.

W3n uu sae y0u're goiingg iNsAN3
My 3y3s wiDeN in SuRPrrisee
how h@veE u hE1D 0ff fr0M b33!Ng C@Ughtt
1n th3 syCle of 1!nS@n1tee fOr s0 l0nGg
when the R3st of us
r alr3@tee s0o t@Ngl33d uP !N 1t?!

To lay hold of this faith,  
    this belief
this full-on embrace  
of the wholly absurd
This follow.. this path--
solely based  on-whisper, heard?

You can come back out, now
back, out.. into the light of day, now:
my love is either heaven-sent,
or completely   p l u n g e d  
into the insanest meaning  
                             of the word

and I really don't even care anymore
if it is the first
                 the second..

    or  the unspeakable, third

once again, the mistress of slumber has been cruel to me.
oh, why can’t the thoughts in my mind let me be?
i doubt this could be healthy.
just how ******* lovely.

watching the sun rise,
i wonder if this could lead to my eventual demise?
dark thoughts, i know, that i so despise.
staring into emptiness as tears dry.

i feel as though i’m on the brink of insanity.
the voices in my mind scream profanities.
praying and begging for serenity,
i’m only ever met with my own malignity.

The colors are vibrant,
but the shapes are all wrong.
Reality’s bending,
and time has grown long.

One second is twenty,
or perhaps it’s reversed.
Is this real or fake?
I can’t tell which is worse.

Maybe this is Hell,
without the pretense.
Maybe Hell’s just repeating,
what doesn’t make sense.

That would explain,
why each day is the same.
Why nothing has changed,
except more growing shame.

Hello officer, yes,
I want to report a crime.
Someone’s driving my body,
and I don’t have much time.

Then the phone is a book,
and reality shifts.
I suddenly can’t remember,
but my uneasiness lifts.

Oh well, it’s a dream,
just a farce I guess.
But each time I wake up,
I seem to come back less.

I forget to remember,
not to forget.
Wait, what was I saying?
I can’t remember just yet.

Dream and reality,
are now one in the same.
I guess when you can’t tell the difference,
you’ve truly gone insane.

Obsessively thinking, about thinking
I'm thinking the thoughts in my head, were placed there.
Something is wrong with the part of my brain that does the linking.
The seams that were made when my last therapist took out my brain, are starting to tear.

I'm lost in the flow of my words. Planted words.
Am I losing my mind? I can't lose it a second time.
The verbs I produced, destroy me, with slicing, and dicing.
And the rhyming, has turned into pantomime.

What were the words I spoke minutes ago?
Have they even taken my memory?
A part of me doesn't want to know.
But this is different, this is treachery.

Stolen thoughts, stolen memories, stolen words.
Am I the "crazy" that everyone imagines?
My mind keeps getting split, halves, now thirds.
I think the diagnois matches.

I guess I was meant to be crazy.

Each
Day
I
Pray
To slay
My depression.
Never been a quitter,
But I’d like to quit this obsession.
This obsession with my sadness.
And with my social status.
It’s like I fetishize the madness
Endlessly raging
Inside of my soul.
And I swear I don’t have
A place to just go
And lay low
For a while.

A place where I don’t
Have
To
Fake
A
Smile.

This anxiety,
is making me anxious.
Feeding itself,
until it becomes dangerous.

It’s PTSD,
of some varying degree.
Each startup and failure,
taking its toll on me.

The inability to remember,
the pain and the fear.
Forgetting the scars,
that should be so clear.

The voice in your head,
reassuring you.
Saying this time will be different,
when you know it’s not true.

Louder and louder,
till it starts to scream.
Your anxiety grows,
and splits at the seam.

Then you give in,
letting go at last.
The voice takes control,
and repeats the past.

Another, another!!
It screams in a growl.
More, more!!
A predator on the prowl.

Then it is gone,
and you’re just floating there.
Trying to make sense of things,
trying to be aware.

Then it all crashes down,
and you’re drowning in hate.
You’re full of self loathing,
and memories that exacerbate.

Now the long road ahead,
seems to have no end.
Your chest hurts so bad,
and the tremors set in.

You can’t eat or sleep,
so you traumatize your brain.
You’re scared you might die,
but you’re more scared of the pain.

Four days and you’re better,
but the memories end.
Then that tiny voice,
starts to whisper again.

Over and over,
rinse and repeat.
Slowly killing yourself,
for a small fix of heat.