I've got a devilish need.
That's only satiated by the planet's greed.
Power, real estate and money!
I need them all in a hurry.

I'll **** pillage and sully.
Any mans good fortune for my own.
You won't have any power.
Even when you're full grown.

Because I won the police.
In a poker match among the Rockefeller.
I've taken independence and authority.
Given it a sweet facade.

You'll love the news,
Even you'll be glued.
Stay stunned and stationary.
As we read disingenuously, your obituary.

I'm sorry baby but I won't be your maybe anymore.

Can I tell you what it means?
To be failing at my dreams?
Can't you see that pains me as I fall,
Fall into a concentrated fog.

As my life takes a sudden turn again by the will of my Lord,
I'm forced on my knees begging for more,
For more of His aid as I am shaken to the core,
My heart cracking at
My mind's sudden clarity.

The winds have changed,
My life rearranged,
The sudden turn awakening,
Awakening my mind.

My mind attempts to gain control,
Losing balance in my unstable soul,
As over and through every space the wind does pass,
Forcing my mind to work fast.
My mind now trying harder at every new sound,
Trying to figure out what is profound,
Profoundly what is meant to be,
What is meant to be for me...

Can I tell you what it means,
What it means to be failing at my dreams?
Can't you see?
That it pains me as it all falls apart.
And slowly so too is my heart...

Can I tell you what it means?
As I train myself to smile,
Acting to those around me and beguile,
Beguile most who surround me to save myself from greater pain,
Protecting my heart from further strain.

As all this happens, as it all falls apart,
It separates the pieces of my heart
Falling apart...
Breaking my heart,
Ripping apart,
Turning to dust.

cannot stop scratching
the bottom of the bucket
my hair irritates my
dreams I stir the bowl
****** and make another
man plunge every night
is cut short by the daily
do I stuff myself with fresh
leftovers the bed dust is rough
with my scaly flesh I cannot die
clean my morals neither
align nor agree the summer nights
sag with restless air I feel my
love for him slipping her texts
disturb my need for peace I
feel the imbalance of straight
acting tomorrow's weather is
foggy I will stop looking for
stars in you.

It’s about my husband Alex,
He’s a truly wonderful man
But I fear Alex has gone
For a trip to Wonderland.
He works hard, and long
But lost some of his grip
On reality as it really is
And seems to be on a trip.

Ice trays that fill themselves,
Self-closing cupboard doors,
And magic laundry chutes
That puts clothes back in drawers
Ketchup bottles with 1/10th ounce
And leftovers never consumed.
And of course automobiles
Driven but never get tuned.

In Alex’s fantasyland
He lives across a chasm
Where only he gets hungry
Or gets to have an ******.
He doesn’t answer doorbells
Or incoming calls on the phone.
And, when he’s watching games
He is demands to be left alone.

Presents given out by him
In his fairy tale existence
Are often gift certificates
After a round of insistence.
And, don’t ask my husband
For the date of our anniversary
Or the dates our children
Showed up in the nursery.

I am only mentioning all this
Because I totally understand.
I have read quite a few books.
I have been to Disneyland.
But what I don’t understand
And can’t get into my head
Is why he hasn’t heard me yet,
Or a ****** word I have said.

It isn’t like I haven’t complained
Or told him what I wanted.
But he looks around like maybe
He thinks the house is haunted,
Because he is hearing voices
That he can’t quite understand.
See? What did I tell you?
Alex lives in Wonderland!

The more i refuse to think

The less I feel

And somedays the feels aren’t important

But somedays I realize it isn’t organic anymore

That I’ve lost the ability to be

Catharsis is not unreal

Ennui can be vital

I am a contradiction of feelings

Because feelings don’t have continuity

They pass moment to moment

And it’s alright if you don’t catch them immediately

Pray for me

Because I don’t believe

Have faith in me

I don’t know how the feelings flow

I don’t know when it will hit me

I don’t know because I’m not in her shoes

When she finally took them off to jump

And gravity had it’s natural effect

I don’t know what that feels like

And I wish they were still alive to tell me they wish they hadn’t

I wish I could say,
That I was lost in your eyes,
But it's a straight-paved road,
So I'd be telling lies.

I wish I could claim,
That you were a moat-surrounded castle,
But when I launch an invasion,
You barely even get hostile.

We're on a seesaw,
But you're not quite heavy enough.
Soon I'll get bored,
And move on to something else.

Don't make it too easy,
Don't be black and white.
For I'd just pierce through your glass,
And leave you in a plight.