I scream for you to understand
But you will never get it.
I am forced to be confined,
Inside my own mind because you can't, won't, understand it.
Understand me.

I'm sorry my mouth is lethal
When I'm angry.
I spit venom to avoid poisoning myself.
I hope you understand.
Maybe it's just me,
Missing you.

(Fah)

You were taught
From a young age
To collect your money
Save for the future

You were taught
From a young age
That anything you can't see
Doesn't matter

And so you go through life
Collecting your money
Being very frugal
Never over-spending

But now comes a time
Where you should spend
Spend the time you
Never did

But old habits run deep
Deeper than bone
And so you continue
To play your medley of insanity

You keep stockpiling
Your pile of material goods
But you ignore
Every one of my cries for help

What are you saving for?
You'll die soon anyways
Live life while you have it
Don't forget it when it's gone

I feel trapped
In these ways
I still have a life to live
And not here, no

When will you stop?
Please
Please
Stop.

his breath staggered and clothes tattered
my body battered and thoughts scattered
i ate so much i drank so much
i kissed so much i hate so much
and all your tears caressed the inside of your eyelids
but mine burned holes in your jeans
you were the hole in my jeans and you ripped me up like the lyrics to that **** nirvana song you were so dramatic about
our memories are in fragments at our feet and in pools that flow into oceans

you've opened my eyes
to a bright new world that is so much clearer
you've opened my heart
and made myself feel welcome in my own body finally
you've opened my arms
and your body just fits so right

It’s 3:00 in the afternoon.
Am I happy?
Yes, I guess, maybe. Just got home from school;
Tired and sleepy. Laughed a lot,
But relapsed once again.
Why is this happening again?
I can’t let myself fall again,
Though I’m forcing it to go back for them.

It’s 2:30 in the morning.
Am I happy?
No. Demons are coming all over again.
The voices are getting to me.
They’re going to take control over me.
Things are getting worse each time.
It’s like I’m in the middle of a tug war.
I don’t have anyone, and everyone has me.
I’m always there for people but they’re
Not always there for me.

It’s 4:00 and I haven’t been able to sleep.
Am I happy?
No. I feel alone. Loneliness.
It’s empowering itself through my bones
and all the way through my brain.
Taking control over me, as if I was no victim.
I have no friends, no one to talk to.
I have to deal with my own drama and
I just can’t. I want to sink in my bed.
Let the dreams sink me in for I
Have nothing to live for.
All of this is happening, yet I go around the
halls with the bright smile on my face.
Pretending like everything’s okay when
It’s actually all a ******* mess.

It’s 6:00 and I haven’t slept a bit.
Am I happy?
No.No.No.No.
The same answer over and over.
Thinking about the same nightmares.
Dreaming about what will never truly happen.
I have bags around my eyes, but no one notices.
I try to cover it with make-up, and everyone
Believes the dark fantasy of ‘okay’ being the truth.

It’s 2:00 in the afternoon.
Am I happy?
Idek.
I’ve learned a **** lot of lessons,
Yet not one of them seem to help me tbh.
I give them to whom I call my “friends”
And I use myself as an example of being the best
And the one who suffered but already got better and is ready
To experience life 100%.
But really, is it true?
It’s all BS tbh that comes out of my mouth for trying to
Help others.
*** is wrong with me?
Who am I fooling?
Me and only me.
You’ve got to understand you have 0 friends.
No one likes you. You’re a loser to the left.
You’ve got NO ONE.


And that right there, were my demons talking.
Now you get how I feel when they come?
Yeah that’s what I thought.
No one will probably ever read this,
Because as I wrote up there,
I have no one so nobody will be ever
Interested in what I feel.
But however I write it. To feel accomplished.
To feel like I’m talking to someone when I am
Actually talking to nobody. I did this just to let it all out.
And honestly it feels good.

it's not fair.
i feel your heart beating and it's closing off the blood flow to my brain.
i want to be able to fix your problems and know how you feel and tell you you're beautiful.
but i can't. you don't let me.