There are officially no motivators
I am gone from this world already
Been gone since my mother found me lying on my bathroom floor
Slowly dying, covered in blood and *****
Never woke up that morning
Been gone ever since
In my head
Only thing that exists is this mind and this heart
The world around is fake
I'm not here, never was

Someone once told me to stay alive from them
And it was never my family, it was never my friends
It was someone who was hired to keep me alive
She did a pretty good job
Even if she doesn’t care about me her acting convinced me enough
Because I can’t seem to succeed in dying

I feel so much pain from everything
I’ve lost all my friends
I can’t stand to be around my family
My past haunts me
My future ages me
My being disgusts me
My life has no point
All this pain could have been avoided if only I hadn’t of gone downstairs
If only I kept the pills down
If only
If only, then I would be happy
I’d be free
I would no longer be alone and in pain
The pain and the loneliness is killing me
It will **** me eventually

She was rotting from the inside. A piece here and there. A smile on her face, downing the bubbling medicine in her champagne glass A decaying mannequin. Holding up her freshly manicured hand calling over for another dose to get through the mundane conversation surrounding her being and malfunctioning mind.  Gifting fake smiles and dead twinkles of the eye. A prisoner of the silver spoon. An apple dying to fall far from the tree. The mental patient living in a mansion. And as she excused herself from the table she realized this was her only reality. She would never be free. Her destiny was to be only a pawn, a collectible in the bourgeoisie.

After the long meaningless hysterics
And lengthy broodings on the historics
What once fought for its life now yields with less bitterness
What once thought it was on its own, now asks for help

So, on the river bank she sits, eyes closed
Shaking terribly, for love, for thorns
Indeed, a hundred thousand thorns she carries
Thank God, indeed, for the Comforter's Song

Whatever trembles in fear
Surrender them to me
The holy bath of the eternal is fire
And out of my gentle fire is your light freed

Your vision as yet is faint and weak
So hold my hand, and ask me for the way
I can never tire of you, and I can never tire of your asking

Your feet are weary from your long pointless travels
So let me carry you, and together we'll extend miracles
And leap through space and time

Your heart is in pain from the thorns you keep
Let me take your precious thorns
So you may see light dancing all around you
As I do

Whatever trembles in fear
Leave not one unsurrendered
You need them not
And love you truly need.

**Never will I leave you;
Never will I forsake you.

And my living corpse walked on
Walking in the perpetual dawn
Of all the things that have gone wrong
This is the wish that I will sound
I hope my body's never found
And I just melt back into the ground

What does it sound like when all hope is lost
It's a silent scream in the empty dark
No one knows what to you it cost
No one can see it's left it's mark
It happens when you're all alone
When you've tried everything but it doesn't matter
You just try to find a safty zone
But the voices in your head still chatter
Telling you, you can't make it through the day
And at night you plot your death
You are slowly starting to decay
You know on the inside there's nothing left
I know what the sound is when your last hope dies
It's but a mournful whimper
It's only seen in your eyes
It leaves you cold, it's a soul killer

One born every minute is the order of the day
Everyday brings with it blessings and curses
The arrival of the new one can be a blessing
Yet it may be a curse for the newbie

What does the world have in store for us
The struggle doesn't stop
For life is rigged with constant ups and downs
New hopes and aspirations dashed
Dreams turn into nightmares

What did we do wrong
It seems like a merry go round
Yesterday solutions are today's problems
It's a game of cat and mouse
Catch me if you can!
When will this stop