The dream wasn't for me
Like a window shopper
Peeking through the glass
Six feet away, desperately
Even if I reach out,
I'll never be able to touch
There's nothing I can do
Nothing will ever come true

The dream wasn't for me
When I dreamt it, I doubted it
And when I thought I'll have it
It slipped past me
Now I'm left with beers
Some broken hopes scattered
And worries and fears

The dream wasn't for me
I won't ever dream about it
Again and again it would come
Again and again I'll wake up
Some things are meant for others
But definitely not for me

I know you wish I was skinny
I can feel it in my bones
The girls you’ve touched were pretty
Trophies you could bring home

I’ll never be ****
Just cute for what I am
My hair is always messy
At least it matches what’s within

I crave to feel desired
I just want to drive you crazy
I know that you’re tired
But I need to be your baby

Love me, kiss me, sink your teeth into my skin
**** me, need me , show me where you’ve been


    Please don’t leave me alone in this bed

Another day, another night.
Life is the battle and I’m losing the fight.
The world keeps spinning but the color is gone.
29 years feels far too long.

I’m not who I wanted to be,
I don’t even know who I am.
I wake up feeling empty
And see a reflection I can’t stand.

I only have one purpose.
To care for my son.
I’m a mother at the surface,
But inside I’m undone.

The devils at my door
He’s been knocking for years.
The loneliness I abhor
Well, it never disappears.

“I’m doing good, how’s yourself?”
What really can I say?
I’m too scared to ask for help.
I don’t want to be this way.

“Someone please love me!!”
I scream in my mind.
I’m in pain and need saving.
I’m a failure by design.

“Life is what you make it”
They tell you when you’re young.
But love will leave you naked,
With a bitterness on your tongue.

Well the show must go on,
Check your baggage to the side.
It’s Easier said than donee ,
When you no longer feel alive.

There used to be butterflies
living inside my chest,

but they turned into bats
when it got dark

The bats fed on my blood,
and my chest was their cave

There used to be orchids
blooming,
flourishing,
above my ears and to my short hair

But now I am dead,
the weeping orchid bled

As it withered upon my grave,
and emitted the scent of death and I

Its decayed petals dropped,
like blood from cut veins

The corpse flower,
scentless bloom of death belongs

Melancholy is creeping
its way back through
my veins forcing me
to open up old wounds

And I hope for
something more than
a sharpened knife,
and gushing blood

Do you know what it feels like to be all alone?
To be in a room where everyone is talking
But no one is listening
They just stare at their phone

You could be yelling, or whispering
Or saying nothing at all
In return you receive a blank stare,
An empty smile, that makes you feel small

So you sit all alone
Not knowing what to do
You think "if they cared, they'd help. Right?"
But you're not them, and they're not you

Whatever decision you make
You know will be wrong
You think you're moving forward
But you've been moving back all along

You're surrounded by people but still feel alone
In your bed, in your car, in your room
It's where your most comfortable
Being alone is your home

Being alone by yourself
You have no one else to blame
You're no one's burden
And you're no one's shame

It's not your imagination
What you're feeling is real
It's just not made up
It's really how I feel

He's just being lazy he's not sick
There's nothing wrong He looks too well
Just walk a mile in my shoes
And you'll walk alone thru my Hell

I tried holding the darkness,
and imprison it
in a forgotten place

Empty handed,
I am the darkness
and the forgotten place

How does one choose to forget themselves?
How do I eradicate myself in order to mend?
How do I rid myself of something that lives within me?

A vicious war,

I won—

I defeated myself

—so why does my heart still
beats with so much darkness?

“Show us your scars”
When they should’ve said shame  

“Point on where it hurts”
Yet they couldn’t find a cure

“Have you been thinking about death?”
Like my thoughts wander to anything else

“Just take this pill in the morning”
But I‘m up every morning

“You’re safe here”
I felt their eyes under my skin

“Have you assaulted anyone in your life?”
Can’t they see that I‘m the victim here

“Can we send you home without worrying?”
As if I can guarantee them my life,
as if I have a home

“Bring your mother with you in the next session”
But I’m in therapy because of her  

“Have you considered electroshock therapy?”
And now they want to cause me more trauma

“How many times have you attempted suicide?”
“Enough times to believe that I have already died” I said finally

Maybe you could give me a chance
I adore you to be honest and I love it when you dance
And every night before I go to bed
You dance around in my head
And I know that you don’t know me
And I’m sure you’re fine without me
But I wonder how I would feel if I knew you thought about me
And maybe if I shoot my shot I’ll make it
And I swear that if give you me a chance I will take it
But I’m hopeless in love
Because I’m down here and you’re way above
And I don’t like to take risks
But honestly I’d risk it all for someone like you